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It Doesn’t Take Much To Get A Guy Going

, , , , , | Right | June 28, 2008

(I work at the drive-thru of a certain fast-food restaurant that has milkshakes that come with these massive tube straws, roughly the width of a nickel, and bright blue.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. You’ve got those blue straws, right?”

Me: “Yeah, we do. They come with our Sundae Shakes.”

Customer: “Cool. Gimme two. Don’t forget the straws!”

Me: “Okay….”

(I tell him the total and ask him to pull up…)

Customer: “You sure these come with those blue straws?”

Me: “Yes, they do…” *hands him his change*

Customer: *to his girlfriend* “Blue turns me on…”

(I grab the straws and hand them out the window. After they pulled away, I burst out laughing for a good five minutes.)


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Red + Blue = Purple (Bruises)

, , , | Right | June 20, 2008

(It’s a slow night at our fast food/sandwich shop, so we’re chatting with the customers. This particular customer is a regular, and is discussing birthday presents with my coworker.)

Customer: “Yeah, I got my kids guns for their birthdays!”

Coworker: “How old are they?!”

Customer: “In their 20s.”

Coworker: *shocked* “But guns kill people!”

Customer: “Well, they may need to protect themselves someday, you know.”

Coworker: “From what? Wild animals?”

Customer: “No, from Democrats!”

(My coworker got very offended, and a rather loud debate ensued between them as I tried helplessly to control my laughter.)

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He Obviously Gets His Smarts From Mom

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Little Boy: “Can I have a medium Icee?”

Me: “Sure! That’ll be $1.48.”

(The little boy hands me $1.50 and I give him his change. He scampers off to get his Icee as his dad stomps up.)

Dad: “Can I get another medium Icee for my daughter?”

Me: “Sure, It’s $1.48.”

(The dad pays and I give him his cup. By this time the boy is back, happily drinking his Icee and standing next to his dad.)

Dad: *rudely* “WELL?! Where’s my Icee?!”

Me: *confused* “Uh, the cup is right there, sir.”

(The little boy is trying to get his dad’s attention to tell him where the self-serve Icee machine is located. However, the dad is ignoring him and yelling at me.)

Dad: “I PAID FOR AN ICEE, NOW WHERE IS MY ICEE!?”

Me: “Sir, the machine is around the corner.”

Dad: “Finally! God, are you simple or something?!”

Me: “?!”


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Don’t Press Your Luck

, , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Place]. May I take your order?”

Drive-Thru Customer: “Yeah, I’ll take the double cheeseburger.”

Me: “Okay, would you like to make it a value meal?”

Drive-Thru Customer: *screaming* “DON’T INSULT MY INTELLIGENCE! IF I WANTED A VALUE MEAL, I WOULD HAVE SAID VALUE MEAL!”

Me: “Fine, that will be $1.87 at window two.”

(He drives up, I take his money and hand him the food.)

Drive-Thru Customer: “I’m gonna need ketchup for the fries.”

Me: “Sir, you only ordered the sandwich, not the value meal. I can ring up an order of fries now if you’d like.”

Drive-Thru Customer: “No, you screwed up my order! I’m NOT paying for extra fries!”

(Fed up, I throw some fries in a bag and hand them to him.)

Drive-Thru Customer: “Wait, is it too late to substitute onion rings?”

Me: *slams window shut*


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Catastrophe Averted

, , , | Right | June 10, 2008

(I work at a fast-food restaurant and was taking money. My co-worker was taking drive-thru orders right beside me.)

Coworker: “Hi there, welcome to ***. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Give me one ranch wrap. That’s all.”

Coworker: “Would you like your wrap crispy or grill?”

Customer: “No, I want it ranch.”

Coworker: “Yes, but would you like the chicken crispy or grilled?”

Customer: “RANCH!”

Coworker: “CRISPY OR GRILLED?”

Customer: “LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE SH–oh, um, crispy…”


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