(The manager on duty is a bit flaky and we often have to remind her of things that she is supposed to be doing. One day she talks to a customer at the counter then walks away. Ten minutes later she still hasn’t returned and we start calling for her.)

Me: “Oh, there you are! The counter has been calling you for almost 10 minutes.”

Manager: “Well, you need to tell them to quit yelling because it’s disturbing to the customers!”

Me: “Okay… What do you want me to tell the lady that’s still waiting for you?”

Manager: “What lady?”

Me: “The one on counter? You told her you would be back over 10 minutes ago.”

Manager: “Oh, God! I completely forgot!”

(She quickly gets the customer sorted and then turns back to us with a glare.)

Manager: “Why didn’t anyone say anything to me?!”

Coworker: “Why do you think we were screaming for you?”

(We didn’t get in trouble but she was still blaming us all day.)

(I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant. It’s a little past six am, and we have just opened, when the phone rings.)

Me: “This is [Store]. How may I help you?”

(The caller sounds like a teenage girl.)

Caller: “Hi! Um… so… I was wondering… Do you have any pop without fizz?”

Me: “Well, we have Orange HiC, Frutopia, and Powerade. Those are all of the fountain drinks that don’t have fizz.”

Caller: “But don’t you have any POP without fizz?”

Me: “No ma’am, I’m sorry. We don’t.”

Caller: “Well, couldn’t you just… take the fizz out?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I don’t really have a way of doing that. It comes out of the fountain that way.”

Caller: “But, aren’t the syrup and the fizz separate? Couldn’t you make it come out without the fizz?”

Me: “I don’t believe so.”

Caller: “Well, couldn’t you try?”

Me: “I don’t think so. I’d be messing with a lot of equipment that I’m not really qualified to operate, and I wouldn’t want to break anything.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, that’s very disappointing.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “Yes! Can I get a burger?”

Me: “Yes, if you come into the store and order one.”

Caller: “Oh. I could come in right now and get one? It isn’t breakfast or something?”

Me: “Well, yes, we do serve breakfast until 11 am. I just meant that I can’t take your order or give you food over the phone; if you want to order food, you’d need to come up to the store and order it in person.”

Caller: “But you’re on breakfast until 11 am?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Oh. Well… thanks… I guess…”

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Caller: “No, I guess not.”

Me: “All right! Thank you for calling. Have a great day!”

Caller: “Bye!”

Me: *bursts out laughing*

Coworker: “What the heck was that about?”

Me: “Either that was one of the most entertaining prank calls I’ve ever gotten, or… Well, I don’t want to think about it if she was actually serious!”

Customer: “Give me an extra sauce.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I have to charge you an additional 28 cents.”

Customer: “I come here all the time! Just give me the f****** sauce!”

(I’ve worked there for three years both day and night shift and have never seen this lady.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t give you the extra sauce unless you purchase it.”

(The lady digs in her purse and pulls out some change. I hand her the sauce.)

Customer: “Can I have a cup of water?”

Me: “We charge for our cups as well. It would be 28 cents.”

(I’m trying to hold back a smile as the customer glares at me.)

Customer: “Have a good f****** night, b****!”

(I smile at her politely.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am! I hope you have a wonderful evening as well!”

(It’s an extremely busy Saturday, as usual, and even though we have all four tills open, there’s a massive queue. Everything goes smoothly however, until a family of five enters the line. The father starts immediately to complain about absolutely everything. I try to be extra nice to smooth things over.)

Customer: *uses a lot of profanities* “How slow are you people?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, Saturdays are really busy days for us. What would you like to order?”

(The kids want our most popular meal, which comes from our hamburger kitchen, and the wait for the burgers is minimal. The parents want kebabs from our other, significantly smaller kitchen, which is backed up for at least 15 minutes.)

Customer: “So, for how long do I have to wait until I get my darn food?!”

Me: “The hamburgers will take only a couple of minutes, but unfortunately the kebabs will take a while. If you’re in a hurry today, I recommend that you change our order to only hamburgers.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You’re so f****** slow! We are really in a hurry. We need to be at the cinema in the city center in half an hour! You need to be faster than this!”

(I’ve done my best to be polite, but now I lose my composure.)

Me: “Sir, you saw how long our line was when you entered our facility. You had to know that the service would be a tad slower today and frankly, it is not my problem that you are late for your movie, especially since you insist on having kebabs, even though the line is really long and you’ll have to wait. Maybe you shouldn’t have come here at all, if you were so keen on making it to the movies!”

(The face of the customer was priceless and the rest of the transaction was made in silence. I was chagrined by my outburst and told my manager what I did, in case the family wanted to give feedback, so that he would know that I was the culprit. The manager just shrugged and said that things like that happen, and as long as I don’t do it again I wouldn’t get more than a verbal warning!)

Customer: “I would like the #1 Combo”

Me: “And your beverage?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Your beverage?” *points at cup*

Customer: *frustrated* “YES.”

Me: “What would you like to drink, sir?”

Customer: “STOP ASKING! I’VE ALREADY TOLD YOU I WANTED A DRINK!”