A Very Grown-Up Conversation

| St Joseph, MI, USA | Related | May 3, 2017

(I am refilling my drink at the soda fountain. A young boy, about six, comes over and starts talking to me.)

Boy: “Hi there!”

Me: “Hi!”

Boy: “What’re you drinking?”

Me: “Just some root beer.”

Boy: “Root beer’s good. I’m getting Coke today.”

Me: “Oh, that’s—”

(Suddenly the boy’s father appears and takes him by the hand to quickly lead him away.)

Father: “[Boy], don’t talk to strangers!”

Boy: “But you said I was a grownup!”

Drinking In The Language

| Mazatlan, Mexico | Right | May 2, 2017

(I am the customer. In college, I worked for a spring break company and while there I am trying to work on my Español. I am ordering at the fast food counter.)

Me: “Una comida hamburguesa, número dos, con encurtidos adicionales, por favour.”

Cashier: “Tu dreng?”

Me: *thinking, I know “tu” is you, but dreng?* “¿Que?”

Cashier: “Tu dreng?”

Me: “¿Que?”

Impatient American Customer: *in line behind me* “She wants to know what you want to drink!”

Me: “Ohhhh, to drink! [Soda], I guess.”

(I was not expecting her to answer me in English!)

Now You’re Imagining A Copious Amount Of Them…

| London, ON, Canada | Working | May 2, 2017

(I’m the worker in this one, so, go me, I guess.)

Me: “Hi there, welcome to [Coffee Chain]. What can I get you today?”

Customer: *simple enough coffee order*

Me: “All right, that’ll be $[Total].”

(The customer proceeds to set a roll of nickels on the counter. Normally people pay with either our own gift card, a $2 coin, or sometimes debit. I decide to call attention to this. Foolishly.)

Me: “…sometimes people pay with a toonie, sometimes with our card. Other times, I guess people can just pay with a copious amount of nipples… NICKELS!”

(The customer and I had a good laugh about that, at my expense.)

Burning The Burner

| NY, USA | Right | May 1, 2017

(I’m working when a man comes up to me and orders some food. He is very clearly a burn victim — he is missing all of his fingers, and his face is very severely scarred. I strike up a bit of a conversation, since it’s a slow day and he’s the only one in line. He is absolutely lovely, and quite personable. As I finish up, another customer shows up behind him and stares at him as he leaves. The customer finally approaches me.)

Customer: “Did you see that guy? It’s disgusting. I hope he doesn’t stick around. I don’t wanna have to look at that.”

Me: “That was the nicest, friendliest customer I’ve had all week. He’s far from ‘disgusting.'”

Customer: “Still, I shouldn’t have to see that if I don’t want to.”

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with? Because I’m not comfortable bad-mouthing a decent guy.”

Customer: “Well, you don’t have to be so rude!”

Me: “I’m not the one being rude here.”

(That finally shut the customer up, who sheepishly placed his order and left quickly.)

The Chicken Crossed The Road To Get Out Of A Jam

| Australia | Right | April 27, 2017

(I am working in a chicken shop. It has ‘chicken’ in the name, chickens all over the decor, and chickens on display.)

Customer: “Do you sell burgers?”

Me: “We sell chicken burgers; would you like one?”

Customer: “No, I want a beef burger.”

Me: “Sorry, we only sell chicken here.”

Customer: “Can you make me a jam sandwich?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we only sell chicken here. I can make you a chicken sandwich.”

Customer: “No, I want a jam sandwich. Can’t you just make me one? I’ll pay for it.”

Me: “I would happily make you a jam sandwich, but we don’t have any jam here; just chicken.”

Customer: “You don’t have any jam?”

Me: “Sorry, just chicken.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He walked out and headed toward the fish and chip shop. I wondered if he was going to ask them for a jam sandwich.)

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