About To Blow His Muffin Top

, | MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a well-known fast food breakfast chain. An elderly male customer orders a blueberry muffin.)

Me: “And would you like it toasted?”

Elderly Guy: “Yes, I would, but please don’t put it in the oven. It makes it too hot. Just put it in that toaster.”

(We have large oven-like toaster machines and we also have conveyor belt toasters that are only big enough for bagels. The man points at the conveyor belt toaster.)

Me: “Uh, we can’t fit the muffin in there, sir. That one’s just for bagels.”

Elderly Guy: “But that’s how I want it.”

Me: “Okay, but it doesn’t fit, see? The muffin’s too tall.”

Elderly Guy: “Well, just do the best you can.”

(The elderly guy is angry now and I’m done arguing.)

Me: “Sir, I cannot put that muffin in that toaster. The muffin will touch the top of the toaster and it will catch on fire.”

Elderly Guy: “Well, I’ll have it COLD, THEN! Are you HAPPY NOW?!”

Getting Pumped Up

, | MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work for a well-known fast food breakfast chain. A 30-ish man steps up to the counter.)

Customer: “I would like a small coffee with extra, extra cream and extra, extra pumpkin spice and three sugars, please.”

(I’m working the coffee station so I get to work on it. Note that the default for any in a small coffee is two. It’d be two sugars, two creams, two pumps of pumpkin, etc. For every “extra” a customer asks for, we put an additional unit. For his order I use four creams, four pumps of pumpkin goo, and three sugars. And in a small coffee, this takes up more than half the cup. I give the man his coffee after I’ve finished it. Moments later he returns.)

Customer: “Excuse me… It’s not even hot.”

Me: “Oh, well, the cream and pumpkin are refrigerated so it’s not going to be that hot. Would you like me to use less?”

Customer: “NO! I want extra, extra cream, extra extra pumpkin, three sugars!”

(I make the coffee with three creams and three pumps this time with three sugars. I give him the coffee and he tastes it.)

Customer: “Look, this is ridiculous. It’s lukewarm. I need to see a manager.”

(I sent my manager over and watch the customer flail around explaining how terrible I am. Manager made him a coffee with one cream, one pump, one sugar. Guy seemed satisfied and left. Manager looked at me and shrugged.)

Off With Their Calling Aheads!

| Plattsmouth, NE, USA | Food & Drink, Time

(I am working the drive-thru at a fast food joint that is very, very popular in my town. One night, it is extremely busy, and everyone working is flustered. Just when it seems to be clearing up, the crowd from the football game shows up. Then after the drive-thru is packed, a bus of students shows up. Between the bus, the packed drive-thru, and the ice cream machine breaking (the weather is still warm at this time), my manager is at his wits’ end. The telephone rings.)

Manager: “Let it ring. We’re too busy.”

Me: *lets it ring and tries to thin out the drive-thru*

(Telephone rings again.)

Manager: *picks up the phone* “[Fast Food]. This is [Manager] speaking.”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, I would like to place an advance order. I saw the line and it looked pretty busy.”

Manager: *starting to get irritated* “I’m very sorry, but we have no time to take your order. A bus just came in and we are swamped right now.”

Caller: “That’s why I called! So I could get my food right away!”

Manager: *really pissed off now* “Well, sorry to disappoint, but there are actual paying customers here who are willing to wait for their food rather than being a little b**** and calling to order when you don’t feel like waiting. Come in and wait, if you ever grow a pair.” *slams phone down and starts to work on the machine*

Customer In Store: *to the cashier at the front* “You guys have the best boss ever.”

(We never knew if the customer on the phone ever came in or not. I guess it takes a while to grow a pair.)

A Wrong Order And Out Of Order

, | Sterling Heights, MI, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

(I work at a popular fast food chain. There are a few problem customers that come through regularly and try to scam us to get free food. This one couple comes in a lot and tries to say that one of the managers said that they can have free food because their order was messed up. Fortunately, one of my managers knows who they are, so when they order my manager goes out of their way to make sure that their order is correct. Keep in mind that there is another manager in the grill making their sandwiches, plus another manager that runs their food out to them and stands at their car and watches them check their food to make sure that it is correct. Sure enough, not 10 minutes after they leave, we get a phone call.)

Customer: “Hi. I just came through the drive-thru, and my order was wrong. There was no ham on my sandwich!”

Manager #1: “I’m sorry to hear about that. Did you just come through and we had to park you?”

Customer: “Yeah. Every time I come through you guys mess up my order! I demand you guys compensate me!”

Manager #1: “I’m sorry. But I’ve been told from my boss that I cannot give you guys any more free food. We know who you are and that you try to scam us. I had three managers check to make sure that your order was correct, and I stood out there to make sure that you guys checked your food. There is nothing more I can do for you.”

Customer: “Now listen here, b****! I—“

(At this point my manager is at the end of her line, so she hangs up the phone. Sure enough, we get another call back from the same number, so another manager, the one who was in the grill, answers the phone instead.)

Manager #2: “[Restaurant], this is [Manager #2]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes! I was rudely hung up on by another manager when I was complaining! I was trying to say that my order was wrong AGAIN. There was no ham on my sandwich, and now my food is cold!”

Manager #2: “I am sorry to hear that, but unfortunately we cannot do anything to help you. We have been told by our general manager that we cannot help you anymore.”

Customer: “This is f****** ridiculous! You guys always mess up my food! I can bring this sandwich up and show you that there is no ham on it!”

Manager #2: “Well, you can do that, but be assured that I know that that sandwich had ham on it when it left the store. Whether you took it off is none of my concern.”

Customer: “And how do you know that?”

Manager #2: “Because I am the one that made your food.”

Customer: “Are you f****** calling me a liar? I know when my food is messed up.”

Manager #2: “Well, unfortunately there is nothing more we can do. You have a fabulous day.”

(Manager #2 proceeded to hang up the phone. I don’t get why people think that they can continuously scam a restaurant into getting free food even when we had three managers check it! Fortunately, we haven’t seen them since. Hopefully they learned their lesson.)

Food Is Fast But Complaints Are Faster

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Time

General Manager: “I’m sorry, it’ll just be a short wait on your [item].”

Customer: “What? Why should I wait? Isn’t this supposed to be fast food?”

General Manager: “Yes, it’s fast food, not instant food.”

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