A Carb-Loaded Statement

, | Working | January 31, 2014

Coworker: “Hey, does carbonara sauce contain carbon?”

Me: “I would assume so, since it’s the building block of just about all organic matter.”

Coworker: “So that means that it’s called carbonara, because it contains carbon?”

Me: “I don’t think that’s it…”

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Funny Money

, | Right | January 30, 2014

(I am working in the drive thru lane. A car with two women in it pulls up. Both look strung out, like they are on drugs.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

(The driver doesn’t say anything to me but pulls a bill out of her wallet, smells it carefully, then nods to herself.)

Customer: “Okay. This one’s good.”

(She hands me the money and I try not to be too obvious that I’m very gingerly handling it. I washed my hands after they left, just in case!)

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Trying To Milk The Situation

, | Working | January 30, 2014

(I’m the newest and youngest employee at a fast food restaurant. Because of this the manager seems to think I’m completely incompetent and tends to watch me too carefully and step in when it’s not necessary.)

Me: “Hi there, sir! What would you like today?”

Customer: “Ah yes. Can I please have a medium hot chocolate? And can you make it half milk? It’s just too sweet for me.”

Me: “Of course. That’ll be [price].”

(I go off to make the drink. At this point, my manager is watching me like a hawk.)

Me: “Here you are!”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(Moments later, the man comes back to counter.)

Customer: “Hi, sorry! The milk just made the drink cold. Haha! I guess I didn’t think that through. Could you just add some more hot chocolate into this?”

Me: “Oh, I’ll just make you a new one. Let me just—”

(My manager suddenly appears beside me and interrupts.)

Manager: “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir. She’s new and she just doesn’t know what she’s doing. Would you like anything from the display? A muffin? A donut? Maybe a bagel? I’m so sorry. She’s still learning and—”

Customer: “Woah, there. She did nothing wrong and the drink was completely my fault. She’s doing fine on her own. So, do you mind?”

Manager: “Oh… yes. But of course.” *sulks away*

Me: *trying to hide the biggest smile on my face* “Ah, yes. So, the hot chocolate…”

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A Good Customer Is A Fresh Breath Of Air

, | Right | January 27, 2014

(I enter a local fast food place. There’s only one customer ahead of me standing to the side. Just as I get to the counter to place my order he’s given an order of french fries. He lets out an incredibly loud and dramatic sigh, then proceeds to yell at the woman who gave them to him.)

Customer: “You know, you should just LISTEN to your customers!”

Employee: “What’s wrong, sir?”

Customer: “I said I wanted the FRESH ONES!”

Employee: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I wasn’t told. That batch just came out a minute ago. It’s still hot from the fryer.”

Customer: “I KNOW THAT! I specifically said I wanted the fresh batch you were working on!

Employee: “All right. Again, I didn’t know that, sir. I’m sorry. I’ll take those back and the other ones will be right up.”

Customer: “It’s just that you should LISTEN TO THE CUSTOMER! When he ASKS for something he should GET IT!”

(By this point all other conversation in the front of the restaurant has stopped and everyone – customers and employee alike – are staring at the man who’s still raising a fuss over something that has essentially already been resolved. He grabs his tray and stomps over to the far side of the counter, standing there with arms folded and huffing like someone a tenth his age. I finally step up to the register.)

Me: “Yes, I’ll have the [combo meal], and I’d like my soda made FRESH, please. Mix the syrup up yourself. And if you could take a straw and blow the bubbles into it right in front of me that would be great!”

(The other customer apparently didn’t hear me but at least I got a laugh out of the crew and the other people in line!)

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Unbalanced Customer

, | Right | January 27, 2014

(A lady comes up to my register with a child on her hip. The boy has to be at least two or three years old, plenty old enough to walk on his own. His mother orders several meals with bright red fruit punch, value sizing all of them.)

Me: “Here are your drinks. The food will be out shortly. Shall I carry your tray for you?”

Customer: “No, I’ve got it.”

Me: “Are you sure? It’s kind of heavy and wobbly, especially with you holding your child in one arm. It’s not a problem at all.”

Customer: “NO. I’VE. GOT. IT!”

(I’m still not sure she can get it on her own, but there is nothing I can do at this point.)

Me: “Okay. I’ll bring your food out when it’s ready.”

(The customer walks off, and I wince as the tray wobbles unsteadily in her hand. I turn back to my work, but not a minute later there is a huge crash from the back of the dining room, near the entrance to the kiddie play area. My coworker and I rush over to see what is going on. With one hand still holding her son and the other balancing a tray of three 32 ounce drinks, the customer had attempted to open the door to the play area. The busted cups, along with all 96 ounces of fruit punch and ice, are splattered on the floor. Note that there is a large sign posted that bans food or drink from the play area.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. Your drinks are ruined. Why don’t you have a seat? I’ll get you some new ones?”

Customer: “Okay. We’ll be in there.”

(The customer attempts to step over the large mess and enter the play area.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’ll have to ask you to sit at a table. If you want to watch your kids, we have several right here by the glass wall looking into the playground.”

Customer: “But I want to eat in THERE.”

Me: “I understand, ma’am, but we ask that you don’t bring food or drinks in the play area. There aren’t any tables in there anyway, just two small benches.”

(The customer continues to get more and more irate.)

Customer: “But I want to eat in there!”

Me: *firmly* “Ma’am, please have a seat. Your food will be out in just a minute, and we will get you new drinks. I cannot allow you to break the rules. It’s too easy for the carpet and equipment to get ruined if you spill while in the play area. You’ve already caused a hazard by trying to go inside with two full hands.”

(While we are speaking, I have to physically catch one little girl who tries to run out the door and slips on the drinks. I also have to stop several other children from nearly having the same accident.)

Customer: “FINE!”

(The customer sighed loudly and stalked over to a table. When my coworker came back, I got him to watch the door so I could get towels and a mop. I spent the next five minutes on my hands and knees, cleaning up a mess that temporarily stained both of my hands bright red. I also had to keep an eye out that no children came through quickly and hurt themselves or me. Then I had to spend longer drying it to completely eliminate any chance of injury by anyone. The customer spent the entire time giving me one of the dirtiest glares I have ever seen.)

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