When Super-Sized Burgers Meet Bite-Sized Brains

, , | Right | October 22, 2009

(At the fast food restaurant where I work, we’ve just introduced a burger that is very large. Three customers come into the store…)

Customer #1: “Can I get that new burger?”

Me: “Sure, would you like anything else?”

Customer #2: “Oh, my God! You’re getting the new burger?!”

Customer #1: “Yeah!”

Customer #2: *to me* “Hey, would that burger fit in my mouth?” *opens his mouth wide*

Me: “No, sir. I seriously believe it won’t.”

Customer #2: “What about now?” *opens bigger*

Me: “No, sir.”

Customer #2: “NOW?” *opens it as large as he possibly can*

Me: “No.”

Customer #3: “I apologise for his small mouth.” *hits the second customer on the head*

Me: “That’s okay.”

Customer #3: “So, would it fit in mine?” *opens mouth*

Me: “No, it won’t, sir…”

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Extremely Public Education

, , | Right | September 29, 2009

Me: “Hi, can I take your order?”

Drive-Thru Customer: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

Me: “Can I take your order?”

Drive-Thru Customer: “I know; I heard you. But why would you ask that question like that?”

Me: “Um, I need to know what food to have prepared for you.”

Drive-Thru Customer: “Don’t get smart with me! I heard what you said, and I would prefer it if you’d word your sentence differently.”

Me: “Oh, okay. May I take your order?”

Drive-Thru Customer: “That’s better! Yes, you may!”

Me: “Okay, what would you like?”

Drive-Thru Customer: “I’m not sure yet. Give me a minute!”

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A High Credit Limit

, , , | Right | September 2, 2009

(A customer comes up to the register at about 11 pm, looking a little out of it.)

Customer: “Hi, how much is a double cheeseburger?”

Me: “With tax, it comes to $1.46.”

Customer: “Oh… okay…” (Searches through his pockets and comes up with 63 cents.) “Can I pay with this much cash and the rest on debit?”

Me: “Sure, that’s no problem. I’ll have to do the debit portion first.”

Customer: “Normally, I’d pay with the whole thing on debit, but I just bought a bunch of pot and I don’t know what’s left in my account.”

Me: “How did you manage to buy pot with your debit card?”

Customer: “Oh, man! My dealer is so great! He just got one of those portable debit machines! He comes right to my house!”

Me: “Well, if you could just swipe your card…”

Customer: “Oh, no! I didn’t protect my pin. What if you saw it?”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir, I was over there. I wasn’t even watching, and I have a terrible memory.”

Customer: “Okay, well, it’s 6969. That’s my favorite number!”

(After leaving with his food I had to chase after him, as he had left his debit card in the machine.)

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Would You Like To Super-Size That Band-Aid?

, , , | Right | August 10, 2009

(I’m working register when a lady comes up leading her sobbing son. He has a big lump on his forehead that’s starting to turn black and blue.)

Customer: “Could I have some ice for his head? He hit it on something.”

Me: “Yes! Poor little guy.”

(I fill a glove with ice, wrap it in a paper rag and hand it over.)

Me: “First Aid is just down there.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks. Hey, while we’re here, could I get a grilled chicken salad?”

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Do As I Do, Not As I Say

, , | Right | July 30, 2009

(A customer walks into our sandwich shop with her very young son.)

Customer’s Son: “I want a sandwich!”

Customer: “When we want something, we ask politely, remember?”

Customer’s Son: “But I want chips!”

Customer: “No, dear, you ask, ‘May I please have some chips?'”

Me: “What will you be ordering today, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want a kid’s meal!”

 

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