(So, it’s the beginning of the lunch rush. After serving one customer I get on to the next, a stoic man in plaid.)
Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you today?”
Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a number one condom, medium, please.”
(I don’t know if he noticed, but I had to try very hard not to say something. Or repeat his mistake.)
(I’m in the back area, prepping food to get ready for the lunch period. We wash our dishes in the same area. While prepping I am listening to some music from my phone, because I got a bit tired to of the country songs on the store speakers. So far, none of our managers have had a problem with that. Our general manager walks in on me with a load of dishes. A song by Judas Priest is playing.)
General Manager: “If Judas Priest is all you got on there…”
Me: *mentally prepping for the worst*
General Manager: “…then I will gladly wash dishes all day back here!”
Me: *speechless and getting a big smile out of astonishment*
(Needless to say that’s the last thing I expected to hear!)
(I’m an assistant manager at a 24-hour burger place and currently work overnights.)
Me: “Thank you for choosing [Burger Place]. My name is [My Name]. May I take your order?”
Customer: “Do y’all do fraps?”
Me: “Yes. Mocha and Caramel.”
Customer: “What about something like a White Chocolate frap?”
Me: “Nope. Sorry, but this is [Burger Place], not Starbucks.”
Customer: “Why?”
Me: “Why is this not Starbucks?”
Customer: “If you’re going to advertise fraps, you should do better than f***ing Mocha and Caramel.”
Me: “Um… sorry?”
Customer: “Don’t say sorry. How can we make this right?”
Me: “Um… you can go to Starbucks?”
Customer: “Look a**-hole. Starbucks is closed and I want a White Chocolate frap. Now are you going to make me one or not?”
Me: “Nope.”
Customer: “I’m calling corporate.”
Me: “Be my guest. They’ll just tell you the same thing I did.”
Customer: “F*** you, a**hole.” *speeds through the drive-thru and flips me off as he passes the window*
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Potatoes, please.”
Me: “What kind?”
Customer: “I want potatoes.”
Me: “We have French and curly fries, hash browns, and wedges. Which would you like?”
Customer: “Poh-tate-ooohhhs.”
(I scoop up some French fries and show it to the customer.)
Me: “These?”
Customer: “Yes! Potatoes!”
(I work at a pretty popular national drive-in themed fast food place that has a special on shakes after 8:00 pm. It’s a slow night when the following happens.)
Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”
Customer: “Yeah, my friend wants a cheesecake milkshake, and I’ll take a large strawberry shake.”
Me: “All right, anything else for you tonight?”
Customer: “Yeah, on the strawberry shake, I want you to draw a horse on it.”
Me: *thinking I misheard* “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”
Customer: “I want you to draw a horse on it.”
Me: *to my manager* “He wants me to draw a horse on it.”
Manager: “Can you draw a horse?”
Me: “Sure.”
Manager: “Go for it.”
(I drew the horse. Never heard from that guy again.)
