(My husband is working on-call late one night, and when he comes home I ask him how things are going.)

Husband: “This, apparently, is not the night to get fast food.”

Me: “Oh? What happened?”

Husband: “I went to [Burger Place] and ordered a number four. And you know, when you order a number that means it’s a meal right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Husband: “All they gave me was the burger; they didn’t give me my drink or anything. But they only charged me for the burger so I didn’t make a fuss about it. A little later I was still hungry so I went to [Chain Taco Place] and ordered [Specialty Soda] with no ice.”

Me: “Please tell me they at least gave you [Specialty Soda].”

Husband: “Tea. Peach Tea. And they put ice in it.”

(I’m a customer in this. I am with a friend of mine and a cousin of his from Alabama, who is visiting. We’re waiting in line to order our food at a local fast food restaurant and we overhear a couple of boys talking about Indian tribes. Now, to me and my friend, it is obvious that they are talking about Native Americans as they are clearly Native American. But the cousin….)

Cousin: “What part of India are you from?”

Customer #1 & #2: *blinks in confusion*

Friend: “You idiot, they’re Native Americans, not from India.”

Cousin: “What? No, they can’t be Native Americans. They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

Me: “Native Americans were here long before our Founding Father’s came to America, dude. And they still live here.”

Cousin: “But the Ice Age killed them.”

(We all stare at him before my friend smacks him upside the head and says:)

Friend: “You dumb-a**! Those were the cavemen you’re thinking about!” *turns to the other two customers* “I am SO sorry about my cousin’s idiocy. I hope he didn’t offend you.”

Customer #1: “No, we were just startled. Though, that is the first time I’ve heard that our people were extinct. I’m going to have to tell Dad about that one. He’ll get a kick out of it!”

(I’m working the drive-thru at my job, and like many of our lunch rushes, we end up getting slammed that day. Since I’m the only one wearing the headset, I have to put a few customers waiting to place an order on hold.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]! I’ll be with you in just a moment.”

Customer: “Okay.” *short pause* “Your moment’s up.”

(I’m startled into a brief silence. I’m fairly certain the guy was joking, but in the middle of a rush, I’m never in the mood for jokes.)

Me: *slowly* “Fine. I’ll be with you in thirty seconds.”

Customer: “That’s better.”

(I was actually ready to take their order about ten seconds after that. But because they decided to pull that rude joke, I counted down to exactly thirty seconds before actually taking their order.)

(I work in drive-thru at a well-known fast food store and I always ask the customer if they want their receipt to make the transaction go quicker.)

Me: “Would you like your receipt today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *hands them the receipt*

Customer: *looks me dead in the eye and drops the receipt on the ground and drives away without breaking eye contact*

(I’m a manager in a fast-food restaurant. One night it’s kind of slow and I am having a discussion with another of our managers about how when you’re working the drive-thru you can pretty much say anything as the customers don’t really listen to what you say. He’s been challenging me to slip random words in all night. By this point it’s gotten totally out of hand into the realm of the ridiculous. Note the last several words I am “challenged” to are “koala bear” and “kangaroo,” kind of setting a mental theme. To help prove the point I say everything in my normal “drive-thru voice” and try not to laugh on speaker. The drive-thru dings.)

Me: “Funnel Web Spider!”

Customer: “Hi, I’m fine.”

Me: “That’s koala bear. What can we Australia today?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number three, please.”

Me: “Boomerang! And to eucalyptus?”

Customer: “A Pepsi, please.”

Me: “Wonderful. Anything else we can kangaroo?”

Customer: “No, that’s all.”

Me: “Great! If your sailboat is correct, your wallaby is [Total]. We’ll Sydney at the first dingo.”

(By this point all my coworkers were listening in on headsets, and were in hysterics.)

Other Manager: “He didn’t even miss a beat. I bow to the master.”