(At my work, when we give the customer the receipt, there is a number on the top. We can either call out the food items or the number. I have an order ready on a tray and am going to call it out.)

Me: “Two egg muffins and a hash brown!”

Customer #1: “Is this number 202?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Is this what you ordered?”

Customer #1: “But is it number 202?”

(Sometimes if it’s a small order, I will just call out the food item(s). I walk back to the monitor and look up this order and it is number 202.)

Me: “Yes, it is 202.”

Customer #1: “That was to go.”

(The customer walks away and I get a bag and place the food into it. I call it out again.)

Me: “Number 202, two egg muffins and a hash brown.”

Customer #2: “Is this number 305? Breakfast platter and four hash browns?”

Me: “No, two egg muffins and one hash brown.”

Customer #1: “Is this 202?”

Me: “Yes, sir, two egg muffins and a hash brown. 202.”

(I had to walk away for a few minutes after that. This happens on a daily basis.)

(I work at a busy fast food restaurant with a double drive-thru.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I just got here! Will you give a minute?!”

Me: “Sure, just let me know when you’re ready.”

(A few minutes pass without another word, and the drive-thru line is getting quite backed up and the other lane hasn’t been answered either.)

Me: “Are you ready to order yet? If not would you mind if I take the other car’s order?”

Customer: “No, fine, I’m ready. I want a [Sandwich].”

Me: “Okay, just the burger, then?”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, I’m not done yet! You’re asking me too many questions!”

Me: Okay, go ahead…”

(A minute of silence passes.)

Me: “Was there anything else?”

Customer: “I told you, I want a [Sandwich].”

Me: “Yes, I got that.”

Customer: “But that’s not all I wanted!!!”

Me: “What else did you want?”

Customer: “I just told you. I want the [Sandwich].”

(At this point all of my coworkers possessing a headset as well are laughing as they go about their business and my manager is face-palming.)

Me: “Did you want the combo meal?”

Customer: “What don’t you understand about I want a [Sandwich]?”

Me: “The sandwich is just the sandwich. The [combo number] includes fries and a drink.”

Customer: “Oh… well, I want that, then!”

Me: “Ok, what size would you like that?”

Customer: “For the burger? How do you have different sizes of burgers…?”

Me: “It’s for the fries and the drink… small, medium, or large?”

(Another long pause.)

Customer: “Uh…”

(This “uh” seriously trailed out for a good 20 seconds.)

Customer: “Medium….”

Me: “Okay, what to drink?”

Customer: “Tea.”

Me: “Sweet tea, or unsweet?”

Customer: “Yes!”

(I hear at least three coworkers audibly cackle throughout the store.)

Me: “Okay, it will be [total] at the window.”

(After about seven minutes total of waiting for this customer to order one meal I finally get to answer the other lane.)

Me: “Sorry about that wait. What can I get for you?”

Customer #3: *laughing wildly* “People that stupid shouldn’t be allowed to use a drive-thru.”

(While serving a customer one day, I used a random really big word while we were making small talk, something like “juxtaposition” or “ubiquitous”; I can’t remember. He and my coworker teased me through the rest of the transaction about needing to dumb down my “SAT vocabulary.” Fast forward exactly a week later and I am training a new employee, and we are serving the exact same customer as before. I’m giving my trainee a lesson on how to cut and wrap a sandwich properly so that none of the toppings fall out and it stays secure in the bag, and the customer is watching. What the customer hadn’t seen ten minutes before was that the trainee had wrapped a sandwich incorrectly and when he went to move it, it fell out of the packaging and we had to make another. He was already feeling stupid and embarrassed and I had to reassure him that it was no problem while my coworker cleaned it up.)

Customer: “Training, huh?”

Trainee: “It’s my first job.”

Me: “First day, too, and he’s already doing really well.” *to my trainee* “You are. I’m just super picky about how I teach stuff. This is a good trick to know. You’ll get it faster than you think.”

Customer: “Well, buddy, she’ll do a good job training you. She’s the pro here. Just make sure she remembers to use small words!” *he ribs me across the counter*

Coworker: “Hahahaha!”

Me: “Hahaha!”

Customer: “Hahahaha!”

Trainee: “…” *he scampers to the back room*

Me, Customer, & Coworker: “OH, HONEY, NOOOOOOO! That’s not what we meant! Here, have a cookie! We’ll buy you a cookie! I’M SO SORRY! COME BACK!”

(My husband is working on-call late one night, and when he comes home I ask him how things are going.)

Husband: “This, apparently, is not the night to get fast food.”

Me: “Oh? What happened?”

Husband: “I went to [Burger Place] and ordered a number four. And you know, when you order a number that means it’s a meal right?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Husband: “All they gave me was the burger; they didn’t give me my drink or anything. But they only charged me for the burger so I didn’t make a fuss about it. A little later I was still hungry so I went to [Chain Taco Place] and ordered [Specialty Soda] with no ice.”

Me: “Please tell me they at least gave you [Specialty Soda].”

Husband: “Tea. Peach Tea. And they put ice in it.”

(I’m a customer in this. I am with a friend of mine and a cousin of his from Alabama, who is visiting. We’re waiting in line to order our food at a local fast food restaurant and we overhear a couple of boys talking about Indian tribes. Now, to me and my friend, it is obvious that they are talking about Native Americans as they are clearly Native American. But the cousin….)

Cousin: “What part of India are you from?”

Customer #1 & #2: *blinks in confusion*

Friend: “You idiot, they’re Native Americans, not from India.”

Cousin: “What? No, they can’t be Native Americans. They went extinct thousands of years ago.”

Me: “Native Americans were here long before our Founding Father’s came to America, dude. And they still live here.”

Cousin: “But the Ice Age killed them.”

(We all stare at him before my friend smacks him upside the head and says:)

Friend: “You dumb-a**! Those were the cavemen you’re thinking about!” *turns to the other two customers* “I am SO sorry about my cousin’s idiocy. I hope he didn’t offend you.”

Customer #1: “No, we were just startled. Though, that is the first time I’ve heard that our people were extinct. I’m going to have to tell Dad about that one. He’ll get a kick out of it!”