(This restaurant doesn’t have a drive-thru window; you order at the speaker, then pull up to the curb and wait for an employee to walk out to your car. I order a drink and pull up to wait, and wait, as a line builds up behind me. Several minutes later an employee emerges and walks up to me with a tray of drinks.)

Employee: “So you had the cup of ice and the chocolate shake?”

Me: “Um, no, I had a lemonade…”

Employee: “Oh, sorry. Hold on.”

(She goes to the car behind me and gives them the drinks, then disappears inside the building again for several more minutes before returning.)

Employee: “Okay, here’s your lemonade. That’s $2.58.”

(I hand her $3.08 – three dollar bills, a nickel, and three pennies.)

Employee: “So, uh, that’s… a dollar back?”

Me: “…fifty cents?”

(She nods and walks a short distance away to fuss with her change belt, then returns.)

Her: “Oh, sorry, I hope you’re okay without a receipt because it just blew away in the wind…”

(Before I can respond she drops an assortment of coins in my hand and wanders off back into the building. By that point it had been about fifteen minutes so I was just glad to have my drink and be gone, but I later counted and it was fifty cents… in pennies and nickels.)

(I take a friend to a combined chicken and mexican fast food place at about 11 pm. I get to the drive-thru speaker and am told:)

Employee: “[Chicken Fast Food Place] is closed. All you can get is [Mexican Fast Food].”

Me: “Okay, that’s all we want. I want a [Type of Burrito] and a soft taco.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, ma’am. All we have are tacos and burritos, but if you would like we can give you a $5 dollar discount on some of the chicken we have left.”

Me: “No, thank you.” *repeat that all I want is a Type of Burrito and a soft taco*

(It goes quiet and a manager comes on.)

Manager: “I’m sorry but we can only do tacos and burritos.”

Me: “Okay, that’s all we want. I want a [Type of Burrito] and a soft taco.”

(Long pause.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, but we don’t have the ingredients to make what you want.”

(I’m working front counter at a fast food restaurant. This was before the apples and other side options were introduced.)

Customer: “Can I please get two hamburger [Children’s Meals]?”

Me: “Okay, and what would you like to drink with those?”

Customer: “I don’t need a drink with those.”

Me: “Well, I have to add a drink if you want the meal.”

Customer: “Okay… just add a fountain drink.”

Me: “Okay, and were those for a boy or girl?”

Customer: *leans close and says quietly* “Oh, I don’t need toys with those.”

Me: *trying hard to not be completely deadpan* “You know, you can just order two hamburgers and two small fries. They’re the same size and it’ll be cheaper.”

Customer: “Really? I didn’t know you could do that!”

(I’m the customer in this one. My siblings, my boyfriend and I go to a fast food joint late at night. Everyone wants ice cream floats! We get to the cashier, everyone orders what they want and now it’s my turn…)

Cashier: “And what kind of pop would you like?”

(I thought all floats were default root beer and vanilla ice cream, so when she asks, my brain is just like NOPE and flat-lines. I don’t know what happened but I just kinda… forgot I was getting a root beer float because the question broke my brain.)

Me: “Uh… Coke?”

Cashier: *looks at me* “… and type of ice cream?”

Me: “Chocolate.”

(My siblings are like, what is wrong with you? I went beet red from embarrassment and everyone, including the cashier, was laughing. I shrug it off and said I was doing it on purpose. It wasn’t awful… but I really wished it was root beer and vanilla. I was totally not drinking or high, but probably made that girl’s night!)

(At my work we have a combo option, which is one side and a drink, and a platter option, which comes with two sides and a drink. On this day, we are severely short-staffed, so my manager has to cook. I’m packing orders when I notice an order says platter, but only has one side listed and an extra side charged. My coworker says he must have pressed the wrong button ringing it up, so I call over the customer to work it out.)

Me: “Hi, I’m sorry, it seems my coworker accidentally rang you up for a platter, which comes with two sides, and I noticed you already paid for another side, so if you want I can give you one extra side for no extra charge.”

Customer: “I already have everything I want.”

Me: “I understand that, sir, but I’m saying you paid for another side by accident, so I’m asking what you want.”

Customer: “I told you I already have everything I want. I don’t want anything else.”

Me: “In that case, I have to call over my manager to refund the extra side you were charged for. Are you sure? Because you essentially have a free side coming at you.”

Customer: “Yes, I’m sure. I don’t want another side.”

(I call over my manager, who takes a couple minutes as she is in the middle of dropping chicken in the fryer, and return to packing orders. As my manager refunds the customer for the extra side, I hear him ask her this:)

Customer: “Did I get corn with that?”

(Manager turns to me; I shake my head no. By this point his refund has been completed.)

Manager: “No, sir, you didn’t.”

Customer: “Can I add a corn, then, please?”

Me: *internally screams*