A customer orders a cheeseburger meal, sits down, eats half of it, and then comes back to the counter.

Customer: “I need to refund this.”

Me: “What is wrong with it?”

Customer: “Oh, nothing. I enjoyed the meal, but now I need to return it.”

Me: “If you enjoyed it, then why do you need to return it?”

Customer: “I should be able to return things if I have the receipt!”

Me: “You can’t return half-eaten meals if there’s nothing wrong with them.”

Customer: “But I have the receipt!”

Me: “That’s not how it works.”

Customer: “Fine, I’ll just go to Walmart. They have better deals anyway.”

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Return Of The Returner: The Buyback

A customer is ordering food. Based on their accent and use of colloquialisms so far, English appears to be their first language.

Customer: “Is there any vegan in this?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Customer: “I don’t eat vegans, you see.”

Me: “Just to be clear, are you asking if your food is vegan?”

Customer: “No, I am asking if there is any vegan in this?”

Me: “I hope not!”

I went to a fast food restaurant and put in my order. Please note, the spelling is deliberate to demonstrate how hard it was to understand the employee.

Employee: “Wha’ kina sauce you wan’?”

Me: “What are my choices?”

The employee listed them.

Me: “I’ll have the mustard sauce.”

Employee: “Ho, mee, ow moi?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Employee: “Ho, mee, ow moi?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

Employee: “HO, MEE, OW MOI?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, can you get someone else?”

Manager: “Did you want hot, medium, or mild sauce with that?”

Me: “Neither. I wanted mustard.”

I got my condiment, wondering how the employee got “hot sauce” from “mustard”. Also, a little enunciation, please?

I work at a Chinese fast food chain. I’m in charge of takeout, and there are always two of us assigned on every shift.

My coworker goes and picks up the phone to take down an order. A few minutes later, she asks me through the headset:

Coworker: “Hey, um, this lady is asking if she can get stir-fried eggplant without any eggplant. Is that possible?”

I am completely dumbfounded by the double-whammy I am hearing: not only does the caller ask a completely stupid and obvious question, but my friend does the same, and she WORKS here.

All I can manage to get out is an:

Me: “Uhhhhh…”

This (thankfully) gets intercepted by our manager saying in a very stern voice:

Manager: “NO!”

I tell you, guys, I’m usually quick with my remarks, but that just… I don’t even… It’s still not even processed in my mind.

Around fifteen years ago, I managed a fast food chain store with a playground. A customer came up to me.

Customer: “Could you watch my daughter while I run to the airport real quick to pick up my husband?”

The little girl she pointed to was four years old at maximum, and the closest airport was over an hour away.

Me: “No, ma’am, I won’t. And if you leave your daughter here, I will be filing a police report for an abandoned child.”

The lady flew off the handle at me.

Customer: “Your service is terrible! I’m going to have to tell my daughter she has to stop playing, and she’s going to cry, and it’s all your fault!”

I watched her until she buckled her child into her car and drove away, and I recorded the license plate just in case.

Fast food does not equal babysitter.

Related:
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