Too Early To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

, | Right | May 29, 2014

(I have just gotten off my job, working retail at a clothing store. I stop by a popular, well-known fast food restaurant for dinner. The drive-thru is backed up, and there are several police officers mulling around. Despite this, I’m still hungry, so I go inside and order my food.)

Me: “So, what’s going on here anyway?”

Cashier: “This customer won’t move her car away from the pay window in the drive-thru.”

Me: “Why not?”

Cashier: “We’re having a promotion where you can get a free coffee during breakfast hours. But it’s 11 pm. She shows up and wants her free coffee, and we tell her it’s only for the mornings, and she refuses to move. So we called the cops. I guess they’ll tow her.”

Me: “Wow, all that fuss over a free coffee? That’s pretty sad. I understand crazy customers, I work at [Clothing Shop].”

Cashier: “Honey, until you’ve worked at [Fast Food Place], you ain’t seen s***!”

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Weak-Minded Customers

, | Working | May 26, 2014

(We are at that point in the day where we’d prefer not to get customers, because we’re tired and don’t want to be interrupted while we do our pre-closing tasks. The manager on duty tells us something funny that had just happened.)

Manager: “There was a customer coming up to the door, and I just focused really hard and thought, ‘GET OUT. GET OUT. GET OUT,’ and he turned around and left!”

(We all start laughing.)

Me: “You telepathically made him leave!”

Manager: “Yeah! It was like a Jedi mind trick!”

Me: “‘This is not the [Restaurant] you’re looking for!'”

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Taking Action On The Distraction

, , | Right | May 26, 2014

(I’m the customer in this story. I’ve come to the mall and on the way out I visit a stall that makes crêpes.)

Me: “Yeah, I’d like a ham with manchego one, please.”

Worker: *Inputs the order in the computer* “Would you like chipotle or jalapeño, sir?”

(I’ve wandered into my own thoughts and don’t listen.)

Worker: “Sir?”

Me: *snapping back* “Uh?”

Worker: “Chipotle or jalapeño, sir?”

Me: “Yes.”

(The worker stares at me awkwardly and then I realize what I just said.)

Me: “Sorry, sorry! Chipotle, please.”

(The rest of the transaction goes without any trouble and then they proceed to make the crêpe.)

Worker: “You tell me how much chipotle do you want, sir.”

(I look at her dabbing a little of the stuff and then adding more and more.)

Worker: “Uh… are you distracted again?”

Me: “Not this time. I just like it spicy.”

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Need To Reroute This Transaction

, | Right | May 26, 2014

(I hear my coworker, who is somewhat new, reading our entire list of drinks off to a customer over the speaker. I go over to see what is going on, and hear this.)

Customer: “I want a ‘route 44!'”

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, and what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “A ‘route 44!'”

Coworker: “What kind? We have—” *reads off drinks again*

Customer: *angry* “A ‘ROUTE 44!'”

Coworker: *to me* “I don’t know what to do. She’s just not getting it.”

Me: *to Coworker* “They need you over there. I’ll take over here.” *to Customer* “Hi ma’am, what can I get you to drink with your order?”

Customer: “Oh, my god. I WANT A ‘ROUTE 44!'”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but a route 44 what?”

Customer: *screaming* “A ROUTE 44 LARGE! I WANT A ROUTE 44 LARGE!”

Me: “Ma’am, route 44 is a size. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: *pauses, mutters something to another person in the car* “I want a route 44 Coke…”

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Totally Off Your Nut

, | Working | May 23, 2014

(I have a coworker with a very bad nut allergy; bad enough that he carries an EpiPen with him in his car. I walk in on him having this conversation with the other cooks one day.)

Coworker: “I almost died the other day. I ate an Almond Joy because I didn’t know there was coconut in it and had to go to the hospital.”

Manager: “Aren’t you deathly allergic to almonds, too?”

Coworker: “Yeah. Why… OH!  Wow, that was stupid of me.”

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