I-Scream For Someone To Listen

, | Right | June 3, 2014

(I am a customer in this story. I’m queuing for ice cream at a mini fast-food stand in a well-known flat-pack furniture shop. Ahead of me is a father and mother with two children, an older girl around 10 years old and a younger boy. The system is that you buy tokens and cones from a cashier, and then put the tokens in an ice cream machine to make your own soft-serve in the cones.)

Cashier: “These cones are smaller than our usual ones. You have to wrap a napkin around them so the machine registers them. Okay?”

Father: “Yeah, yeah.” *hands the stuff to his wife and she takes the kids to the ice-cream machine while he gets their furniture*

Me: “One ice cream, please.”

Cashier: “Sure.”

(The cashier hands me my change, my token, and the cone, and repeats the information about the small cones and to be sure to use the napkin.)

Me: “Okay, thank you!”

(I follow the mother and children to the ice cream machine.)

Mother: *repeatedly trying to use the machine* “What is wrong with this stupid machine?”

Little Girl: “You have to wrap the napkin around the cone, mammy.”

Mother: *ignoring child* “[Father], the machine isn’t working!”

Father: *coming over* “Let me try.”

Little Girl: “You put the napkin around the cone, daddy.”

Father: *also ignoring child* “Piece of crap machine.”

Little Girl: “Daddy, you have to put the napkin around the cone!”

Father: *raising his voice, sarcastic* “I heard you the first time! Thank you for your input!”

Mother: “Forget it.”

(The father takes the tokens and cones back to get a refund, while the kids’ faces fall. The mother turns to me.)

Mother: “The machine is broken. Don’t bother.”

Me: “Are you sure? The–”

Mother: “You’re seeing me walk away, aren’t you?”

(The mother grabs the disappointed kids and stalks off to wait for the father. I step up, wrap the napkin around the cone, pop the token in the machine, and voila! Ice cream! I take the ice cream and go look for my own parents, and immediately walk past the waiting mother and children.)

Little Boy: “Look, mammy. Why did hers work?”

(Feeling bad for the kids, I walk off quickly so they don’t have to watch me eat my ice cream. I find my own parents, and we go to our car with our new furniture. As we’re walking, another car screeches out in front of us rudely and dangerously, and drives past: it’s the same family, and the smart, ignored little girl and the disappointed little boy both look out the window to see me still eating the delicious ice cream. Wherever you are, little girl, I hope your parents’ total lack of listening skills aren’t getting you down. You were right!)

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Take It Back To The Sauce

, | Working | June 3, 2014

(I work at the local fast food place in town. We are doing a promotional, limited time burger. I am currently not working and am going through the drive-thru with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hi. Can I get a [promotional burger] with ketchup and mayonnaise instead of the usual sauce?”

Cashier: “I’m sorry. We can’t put that sauce on that burger.”

Me: “I’ve ordered the same thing several other times and never had an issue.”

Cashier: “No, the system won’t process it.”

Me: “Can you just put it through as sauce packets and ask the kitchen staff to put it on the burger?”

Cashier: “No, I can’t do that either.”

(I know we can do that at our restaurant as I get requests from managers all the time to add things to burgers that wouldn’t go through the system.)

Me: “Can I just get the sauce packets separately then?”

(The cashier puts it through but when we receive our order, I have not received my sauce. I take it into the store and try to get the attention of the staff but none of them are interested. Fed up, I go behind the counter, open up my burger, and add the sauce myself.)

Me: “It looks like we can add this sauce to the burger, huh?”

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Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

, | Right | June 2, 2014

(I work at a restaurant that only sells fried chicken. My manager answers the phone.)

Manager: “Welcome to [Chicken Place]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, [Pizza Place]?”

Manager: “No, this is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “I’d like two large pizzas with–”

Manager: “Ma’am, this is–”

Caller: *shouting over her* “PEPPERONI! And I want those green peppers and don’t put on that seasoning stuff–”

Manager: “No, ma’am, this isn’t a pizza place. This is–”

Caller: “And on one of those, on half, I want sausage.”

Manager: “We don’t sell pizza!”

Caller: “Do you still do that special crust? With the cheese?”

Manager: “No, we–”

Caller: “Oh, okay. I’ll just take the regular crust, then. How much is it?”

Manager: *facepalming incredibly hard* “Ma’am. We do not sell pizza. We sell chicken. This is [Chicken Place].”

Caller: “Oh. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

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Housing Benefits

, | Friendly | June 2, 2014

(My housemate and her friend are eating their food outside a fast-food restaurant and talking about their futures. My housemate and her friend are both 20. There is a bus stop a few steps away from them.)

Housemate: “I really do worry about post uni life, you know. It’s going to be hard to get a job in this climate.”

Friend: “There’s also the fact that we probably won’t be able to afford a house anytime soon.”

(A bus driver who’s on his break comes over to them.)

Bus Driver: “It’s so good that kids your age are thinking about the future! Good on you! Here, get yourself something nice!”

(He gave them a five pound note and then walked back to the bus stop. Not the biggest amount, but they said they managed to get a decent magazine with it!)

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When Coworking Is Not Working

, | Working | June 2, 2014

(Our manager is in a fit because a coworker who is known to try to get out of working just called in to say that he needed a ride from the hospital. Both coworkers who can get him there can’t; one just clocked on and the other can’t clock off until he is at the store. My coworker who can’t clock off is panicking and crying because she needs to go to an event right at the time she is supposed to clock off.)

Coworker: “I am so angry! Why did [Other Coworker] not get a ride from his friend?”

Me: “He’s just stupid.”

Coworker: “I know, but he makes me so mad!” *starts pacing* “I want to rip out my hair!”

Me: *walks over to drink station* “[Beverage]?”

Coworker: “I just— What?”

Me: “Do you drink [Beverage]?”

Coworker: “Yes.”

Me: *fills up a kids cup with [Beverage] and hands it to coworker* “There, there, now, [Coworker]. Drink. Don’t pull your hair out. Drink and imagine pulling [Other Coworker]’s hair out.”

Coworker: *drinks slowly*

Me: “Better?”

Coworker: *throws cup away* “Much. Although, I’m scared now about how you knew that would work.”

Me: “I’ve worked here six months longer than you. That’s six more months of [Other Coworker] than you…”

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