Effective Marketing

, | | Right | August 10, 2008

(An elderly woman is complaining to my manager about a recent ad in which a woman appears in lingerie. The ad is promoting a special on two fish sandwiches for $4.)

Woman: “I was so offended. I can’t believe they would show that on TV. Children might have been watching!”

Manager: “I’m very sorry you were offended, ma’am.”

Woman: “It was so offensive! Is there anyone I can talk to?”

Manager: “I can give you the number for the regional office or you can send an email from the website.”

Woman: “It was just so offensive!”

Manager: “Again, I’m very sorry, ma’am. By the way, here are your two fish sandwiches.”

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A Method To The Madness

, , | | Right | July 19, 2008

Me: “Hi there. Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a chicken nugget kids’ meal.”

Me: “Alrighty then, what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Sweet and sour.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, but what would you like to drink?”

Customer: “I just told you, I want sweet and sour with my nuggets!”

Me: *catching on to their game* “Okay… what would you like to dip?”

Customer: “Coke!”

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A Fine Line Between Smarta** and Dumba**

, , | | Right | July 7, 2008

(I work at a popular fast food restaurant. Drive-through customers should be aware that we can hear every word they say.)

Coworker: “Hi, welcome to [fast food place]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I just need a minute to decide.”

Coworker: “No problem, just let me know when you are ready.”

(The customer talks to his passengers, while we listen…)

Customer: *to his passengers* “I should ask for something dumb on my ice cream, just to see what they say. How about pickles? They would probably just ignore me. Oh, I know… tomatoes!”

Customer: *to my coworker* “Okay, I’m ready.”

Coworker: “Alright, go ahead…”

Customer: “I’d like an ice cream sundae with tomatoes on it, please.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, due to the recent recall in the States, we aren’t serving tomatoes right now. Can I offer you a sundae with pickles instead?”

Customer: *drives off without ordering anything*

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It Doesn’t Take Much To Get A Guy Going

, | | Right | June 28, 2008

(I work at the drive-thru of a certain fast food restaurant that has milkshakes that come with these massive tube straws, roughly the width of a nickel, and bright blue.)

Me: “Welcome to [restaurant], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah. You’ve got those blue straws, right?”

Me: “Yeah, we do. They come with our Sundae Shakes.”

Customer: “Cool. Gimme two. Don’t forget the straws!”

Me: “Okay….”

(I tell him the total and ask him to pull up…)

Customer: “You sure these come with those blue straws?”

Me: “Yes, they do…” *hands him his change*

Customer, to his girlfriend: “Blue turns me on…”

(I grab the straws and hand them out the window. After they pulled away, I burst out laughing for a good five minutes.)

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Red + Blue = Purple (Bruises)

, , | | Right | June 20, 2008

(It’s a slow night at our fast food/sandwich shop, so we’re chatting with the customers. This particular customer is a regular, and is discussing birthday presents with my coworker.)

Customer: “Yeah, I got my kids guns for their birthdays!”

Coworker: “How old are they?!”

Customer: “In their 20s.”

Coworker: *shocked* “But guns kill people!”

Customer: “Well, they may need to protect themselves someday, you know.”

Coworker: “From what? Wild animals?”

Customer: “No, from Democrats!”

(My coworker got very offended, and a rather loud debate ensued between them as I tried helplessly to control my laughter.)

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