Friend: “A salmon set meal, please.” *pronouncing it SA-MON*

Server: “What?”

Friend: *thinking that she hadn’t heard* “One salmon set, please.” *again pronouncing it correctly as SA-MON*

Server: “What’s that? We don’t have that.”

Friend: *pointing to it on the menu* “This one.”

Server: “This? The SAL-MON set meal? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Friend: *speechless*

Server: “Next time, talk properly!”

I work in a 24/7 fast food joint with a public bathroom inside. The shop is next to a popular homeless shelter, and sometimes, someone homeless would come into the bathrooms to “shower.” We cannot turn anyone away from using the bathroom.

One morning, I come in at five am and our night crew lets me know that someone is in the bathroom. After about ten minutes, I hear hollering followed by banging. It sounds like they’re yelling “yoo-hoo!” and have a real good time. I text my night crew and they said it’s been going on since about two am, but they never saw anyone go in. Knocking on the door, no one replies; they just kept yelling.

My manager comes in shortly after and immediately calls the police. It takes the police officers over an hour to get the man to leave the bathroom. I am sent in to clean up after him, and the walls are coated in dirt, blood, and poop. There is toilet paper everywhere, and about a dozen used needles.

My manager tapes garbage bags to my legs and arms, and right before I actually go in, the police stop me because it’s a crime scene. They take ONE needle, and leave.

It took me about two hours to clean it, and I cried while mopping the walls and picking up dirty needles.

(I work for a fast food restaurant chain that’s pretty much based in Nebraska. The following happens within the span of a week while I’m working drive-thru by myself.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

Lady: “Can I have two separate orders, please?”

Me: “Sure. What can I get you for your first order?”

Lady: “A number one with a Pepsi for the first item.”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be [total] for that. And the second?”

Lady: “A number nine with ranch and a Dr. Pepper, please.”

Me: “All right. That’ll be [total] for that, then. I’ll see you at the window!”

(She pulls up as I get her items ready. I open the window and greet her.)

Me: “Hey there! [Total] for the first one!”

(She hands me a card, which I put in the chip reader. It tells me I need a PIN, so I go to hand the machine out to her.)

Me: “Sorry, but I need a PIN, please.”

Lady: “Oops! Hang on a sec, I need to call my friend; it’s her card.”

(I pull back my arm and wait while she calls her friend. When she hangs up I go to hand it back.)

Lady: “Oh, it’s [PIN].”

Me: *stares in shock* “I’m… I’m sorry?”

Lady: *moronically repeats PIN*

Me: “O-Okay…”

(I type it in and it goes through. I hand back the receipt and the first meal. The rest of the transaction goes smoothly but I remain in shock at the pure stupidity of this woman. I figure that she’ll remain the clear winner of the “Moron of the Month” award, but alas, a week later another woman comes through who’s just as stupid.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

Lady #2: “Yes, I’d like a number five, please, with a diet Pepsi.”

Me: “Anything else today?”

Lady #2: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be [total]. I’ll see you at the window!”

(I get her drink as the lady pulls up. I then open the window and greet her, thinking this will go as it normally does. It doesn’t.)

Me: “Hey there! [Total], please.”

Lady #2: *hands me a card*

(I place the card in the chip reader and lo and behold, I need her PIN. I go to hand the machine out to her.)

Me: “Sorry, but I need your PIN.”

Lady #2: “It’s [PIN].”

Me: *stares at her in total shock* “Wh-wha…?”

Lady #2: *louder and clearly oblivious to her stupidity* [PIN NUMBER].”

(I didn’t say anything this time as I put in her PIN for her. It went through, and I handed her back her card. Everything else proceeded as normal and she left with her food, satisfied. Either I have a very trustworthy face, or this is the Month of the Morons!)

(We have two kinds of iced tea, sweet and unsweet, and we also have two different artificial sweeteners. Many people want these sweeteners if they get unsweet tea. The customer pulls up to the window I’m working during one of our busiest times.)

Customer: “Hi, I just came from [Other Location] and I got an unsweet tea. I was wondering if I could have some sweeteners.”

Me: “Sure, let me go get some.”

(I run and get a couple packets of each sweetener to see which one the woman wants, and she shakes her head as soon as she sees them.)

Customer: *starting to get angry* “You don’t have [Other Brand of sweetener]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, no, but I can—”

Customer: “Guess I’ll have to do without it. Thanks for nothing, b****!”

(The woman speeds out of the drive-thru, nearly hitting someone on her way out.)

Customer #2: *having heard the better part of the exchange* “Good thing I don’t need [Other Brand of sweetener], but she needs some for her attitude.”

(My mother, sister, and I going through the drive-thru at one of our local donut/coffee shops. At this particular location, they’ve just hired new employees who happen to be Russian. I’m the driver in this situation and my mother is in the passenger’s seat.)

Employee: *in thick accent* “Hi, welcome to [Donut Shop]. How can I help you?”

Mom: “Hi, can I get three [drinks] and a [sandwich] with no mustard.”

Employee: “We don’t have lobster.”

Mom: “No, I said no mustard.”

Employee: “This is [Donut Shop]. We don’t have lobster.”

My Family: *awkward silence*

Me: “MUSTARD.”

Employee: “Okay… please pull up.”

(When we got to the order window, we had to repeat our order two more times! But we laughed about it for a long time after!)