(I work at a fast food restaurant that is known for its homemade lemonade. We have regular lemonade made with sugar, or diet made with Splenda.)

Customer: “Can I have two lemonades, a large and a small?”

Me: “Of course!”

(She sees me make them with the regular lemonade. After I finish making both of them…)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sorry, I wanted it with Splenda.”

Me: “No problem! Let me change that for you.”

(I remake both with the diet lemonade. She takes them and walks away. A few minutes later…)

Customer: “I’m sorry again. I want the regular lemonade. I didn’t know this one had Splenda in it.”

(I remake them again and she leaves. How did she not know that the Splenda lemonade has Splenda?)

(I’m a manager, and I’ve just transferred from a stand-alone store (with a drive-thru and a dining room) to one located within a shopping centre food court. It’s the middle of our busiest half hour of the day, as the local school kids come for lunch when the phone rings.)

Me: “[Location], [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Hello there. How are you this afternoon?”

Me: “Well, thank you. How are you?”

Caller: “Thank you so much for asking. I’m well, too!”

Me: “I’m glad to hear…” *at this point wondering if this is a prank call*

Caller: “By the way, my name is [Caller] and I’m calling from [Solar Panel Company].”

(At this point I recognise the script, having taken these calls almost daily at my old location, On average it would take about five minutes to convince the caller that I can’t agree to install solar panels on our roof, and that anything like that is decided by our corporate offices.)

Me: “Listen, I’m going to stop you right there.”

Caller: *continues with script about government rebates*

Me: “Listen! You’ve called a store located within a food court. You need to do some research before calling random businesses. I do not own the roof or the building. Please do not call this number again.” *hangs up*

(I’m the manager and my coworker comes and asks me to handle a cranky customer at the drive-thru.)

Me: “Hello, you were having some trouble, I hear. What can I do for you?”

Customer: *who is sitting beside the driver, making it really hard for me to hear her, especially since the driver is fidgeting and moving about* “Yeah, I’m fed up with getting pickles in my son’s burgers, even though I always order them without!”

(Ordering hamburgers without pickles is unfortunately very popular in my area. It slows things down in the kitchen, creates more wastage, and such customers are loathed all over town.)

Customer: *getting quite agitated now* “I demand to get some kind of compensation!”

Me: “Ma’am, I am truly sorry that we haven’t provided pickle-free burgers for you. Pickles are unfortunately part of the recipe and especially during rush hours they might slip through the kitchen staff’s fingers. However, since we’re not talking about any allergies…”

(The customer is about to cut me off, but I won’t let her.)

Me: “…all our mayos contain the same sort of pickle and you have ordered extra of that. Besides, pickles are the only item we put in our burgers that are easily removed, unlike ketchup, cheese, or salad. I hope you understand that I cannot provide you with a huge compensation due to this. I am however willing to give you the extra mayo for free.”

Customer: *who now have adopted a more docile tone* “Well, can I at least get another hot cocoa for free?”

Me: “Certainly, ma’am, that I can do for you.”

(Best part — when I told my boss, she said that the customer in question had a few days earlier asked for a refund and compensation!)

(I work in a fast food restaurant. We frequently park cars in the drive-thru that are waiting longer than usual so we can keep the line moving. I walk in one day and this is the conversation I hear:)

Customer: “Have you seen my car?”

Employee: “Uh, what?”

Customer: “You guys had me pull forward, but you forgot my ketchup. So I had to come back in for it. Now my car is gone.”

Employee: “I have no idea what happened to your car.”

Customer: “Someone stole my car! I need to call the police!” *runs out of building frantically*

Employee: *to me* “I have no idea what’s going on.”

(A few minutes later the man comes back in.)

Customer: “I found my car. It’s in the ditch across the street. Someone crashed my car in the ditch! Who would do that?”

Employee: “I don’t know, sir; do you need me to get the manager?”

Customer: “Yes! This is ridiculous.”

(The police arrived, to discover that he had left his keys in his manual car and left it in gear, and it had rolled across the street all on its own. He waited outside for the tow truck, very embarrassed.)

I work in a restaurant that has double-decker coffee makers, meaning you brew a pot in the normal fashion, put the finished pot on a burner above the brewer, then make another pot.

A regular would always ask for a cup of coffee “from the fresh pot,” meaning the pot that was newly made instead of the one on the top burner. He never listened when I told him that the coffee on the top burner was only sitting there long enough for the second pot to be made.

After a while, it became annoying.

One day, I happened to look up and saw him making his way toward the restaurant. The second pot had just finished brewing, so I immediately switched pots. Sure enough, the regular made his usual request for the “fresh pot.” No problem, sir! He never noticed the difference.