Smiles Can Go Miles

, | DE, USA | Awesome Customers

(I work mostly morning shifts at a mall food court. I love it, because it’s slow and I can people watch, and most of the time when I do get customers, they’re either senior citizens, mall employees, or moms with babies, and they’re all wonderful. I’ve been working there for a couple of weeks when an old man walks up to me.)

Me: “Hi, how are you?”

Customer: “You know, I’m in here pretty much every day, and I see you watching people and smiling and laughing, and it always makes me happy. I just wanted to make sure you know that there’s a lot of bad stuff going on in this world, but if you keep smiling, things will start to get better.”

Me: *beaming* “Thank you.”

(He nods at me and walks away. My manager walks up from the back and grins at me.)

Manager: “Keep smiling, my friend.”

(I’ve been working there for four months now and that’s still the best thing that’s happened to me on the job.)

Our Way Or Go Away

| Canada | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(Our meals always comes with rice or noodles and is the first step in the plating process.)

Customer: “Okay! I’d like your orange chicken.”

Employee: “Great! Would you like rice or noodles to start?”

Customer: “I like to start with the orange chicken.”

Employee: “Sure! But our plates start with rice or noodles.”

Customer: *smirks, backs away, puts away his tray* “Well then, if you like it YOUR way.” *mumbles something and walks away; complains to his wife how we like it OUR way*

Getting A Proper Grilling

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(The customer is a man about 50 years old. He orders a number 12, which is a chicken sandwich. I ask him if he wants crispy or grilled chicken and he says grilled. A few minutes after getting his food he comes back up to the counter.)

Customer: “This isn’t what I wanted.”

Me: *opens box* “This is a grilled chicken sandwich.”

Customer: “I wanted the grill.”

Me: “…Right. This is grilled.”

Customer: “No. You just said this is chicken! I didn’t want chicken. I wanted the grill.”

Me: “You ordered a chicken sandwich grilled… that’s what it says on your receipt.”

Customer: “I did want the grill, but I didn’t want chicken!”

Me: *blank stare* “I don’t understand.”

Customer: “The grill! I wanted the grill! You asked me crispy or grilled and I wanted the grill!”

Me: “The number 12 is a chicken sandwich, sir. That’s what you ordered.”

Customer: “I don’t want chicken. I want the grill.”

Me: “…Did you want a burger?”

Customer: “Yes! A grilled burger! I wanted the grill!”

A Sour Attitude

, | NJ, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I ring up a customer for a sweet tea. The sweet tea is self-serve, but we have lemon slices in the back that we can give the customer if requested.)

Customer: “I want lemon.”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *puts slice of lemon in a small cup as is customary, and hands it to her*

Customer: *looks inside, makes disgusted face, gives it back* “No. That’s not what I wanted. I want SOME lemon.”

Me: “Um, we usually just give out one slice. How many did you want?”

Customer: “Whatever you consider to be SOME lemon.”

Me: *hesitantly gives her two more slices* “Here you go?”

Customer: “That’s too much.” *gives one back and walks away*

Should Have Explained More Plainly

, | Basildon, England, UK | Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work throughout college. A woman approaches my till with her young daughter.)

Me: “Hi, what would you like today?”

(The woman leans down and says to her daughter loud enough for everyone to hear:)

Woman: “See? THIS is what happens when you don’t do well at school!” *stands up and gives her order extremely slowly, pronouncing every syllable deliberately while I’m trying not to laugh* “…and a plain burger. PLAIN. Do you know what that means?”

Me: “Yes, I’m aware. That’ll be [total], please.”

Woman: “No… No, is that burger PLAAAIN?”

Me: “Yeees, I put that through. [Total], please.”

Woman: “Explain what plain means for me so I’m sure.”

Me: “It means plain, devoid of condiments, bereft of ketchup, void of mustard, a lack of lettuce and onions, nothing but a solitary burger on a lonely bun, the isolated meat longing for the sweet embrace of salads and sauces but doomed to remain on its barren bed awaiting sweet consumption.”

Woman: “What does that mean?”

Me: *head-desk* “[Total], please.”

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