This One Will “Go” For A While  

, , , , | Working | November 20, 2019

(I work at a popular fast food joint, and I mostly do front orders. My coworker on drive-thru has asked me to take an order on the headset for her, and because I have no orders, I say I will.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Hi. I’d like a number two combo with a Coke, and that’s everything.” 

Me: “Awesome. Will that be for here or to go?”

(Hearing my own mistake, I quickly correct it by telling the now laughing customers to drive on through. Another car pulls up immediately after, who apparently knew the car ahead.) 

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer #2: “Hi, I’d like a coffee and a muffin. Oh, and I’d like it for here?”

Me: “Woooow.”

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One And One Makes Huh?

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

Customer: “I want a large iced coffee.”

Me: “Okay, would you like cream or sugar in that? We usually do one-and-one.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So, one-and-one is all right?”

Customer: “One-and-one what?”

Me: “Er… cream and sugar.”

Customer: “For what?”

Me: “Um… for your iced coffee.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *facepalm* “Okay, that will be [total] at the window, thank you.”

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Bad Food, Worse Service

, , , , , | Working | November 20, 2019

(My mom and I used to go to this popular fast food joint all the time, but we stopped because the good didn’t taste good anymore. We decide to try it again and think we will like it again. Mom uses a mobile order and it can’t process her payment, so we go inside. We go through a line, not cutting at all. Once we get to the front, Mom explains.)

Mom: “Hi. I was trying to do the mobile order but every time I hit the button to pay, it says it cannot process my payment.” *shows the cashier* “See? Can I order here?”

Cashier #1: “Um, you could try over there if it won’t process your order.”

(We go to the kiosk and start our order over. Halfway done, we realize the kiosk will only allow us to order breakfast. It hasn’t transferred yet. Annoyed but trying to remain polite, Mom gets ahold of a second cashier.)

Mom: “Excuse me, miss?” 

Cashier #2: “Yes, ma’am?”

Mom: “We noticed the kiosk is only offering breakfast. We wanted lunch.”

(She comes over and checks but frowns.)

Cashier #2: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. You will have to order at the front. They aren’t synced yet.”

(Mom looks really fed up but we wait in line a second time, which is now twice as long. When we finally get to the front, Mom explains what the lady said and how she wants to keep our coupon on; it’s for two dollars off on our order of 20 something dollars.)

Cashier #1: “Um, I don’t know how to do that…”

Mom: *so fed up by now* “Would your boss know?” *points to the lady behind him* “Would she?”

Cashier #1: “She might…” *goes over* “Ma’am, these ladies want to know how to fix their app. The mobile order?”

(The manager, who doesn’t look nice at all, comes over and checks what Mom is explaining.)

Manager: “Try restarting your phone or reinstall the app. That’s all I can suggest.” *walks off*

(Mom is now beyond annoyed, but she reorders our food with the cashier and, of course, they get it all wrong. We pay for bacon and get no bacon, and ask for no sauce for one burger and extra on another and get extra on all. Then, our ice cream is sitting on the counter and gets dumped on the ground. An employee redoes it and apologizes about it. As Mom and I leave, she turns to me.)

Mom: “We are never coming here again. This just ruined it.”

(And our food still tasted awful. I will never go back there again.)

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Cinco De Nono 

, , , , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(On Cinco de Mayo, we naturally receive a lot of customers; mysteriously, most of them tend to be obviously not of Hispanic descent. This occurs about two hours into what turns out to be a six-hour constant string of customers, what we term a “rush.” A customer rolls into the drive-thru and the order proceeds normally. At the end, she wishes me a happy Cinco de Mayo. I am not Hispanic but I politely respond as that is what is expected. The next occurs when we finally manage to get them to the window after everyone in front of them has gotten their food.)

Me: “Hello, your total is—”

Customer: *handing over money* “Happy Cinco de Mayo. You didn’t respond like you should.”

(I give back change and ask if they want sauce.)  

Me: “Ma’am, Cinco de Mayo is a Mexican Holiday; all my ancestors are European. I honestly have no reason to celebrate it.”

Customer: “But you should! I mean, it was important to the outcome of the American Civil War!”

(My face is very screwed up as history has always been something I love.)

Me: “Ma’am, Cinco de Mayo was just the date of an important battle in the Mexican war for independence.”

Customer: “Yeah, it helped win the battle of Gettysburg.”

Me: “No, ma’am, it did not.”

Customer: “Yes, it did, and you’re wrong; when I get home I’m checking Wikipedia to prove it.”

Me: “Ma’am, you do know that anyone can edit Wikipedia and put whatever they want on it, regardless of its authenticity.”

Customer: “No, they can’t!”  

(At this point, we had her food, so I handed it out and she left.)

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You’re Deep-Frying Lying To Yourself

, , , , | Right | November 19, 2019

(I am in a fast food restaurant similar to a British fish-n-chips shop. The “original” meal is two pieces of batter-dipped deep-fried fish, two hush-puppies — balls of deep-fried corn meal — and deep-fried French fries — chips. I am in line behind an older female customer.)

Customer: “I’d like an ‘original,’ please, and a soda.”

Worker: “Okay, that’s one ‘original’ and a soda.”

Customer: “Make that a diet soda, please. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: “Okay, one ‘original’ and a diet soda.”

Customer: “Wait… Take off the hush-puppies. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: *removes the hush-puppies*

Customer: “No… take off the ‘chips,’ too. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: *reenters the order*

Customer: “Wait… I only want one piece of fish, not two. I’m on a diet!”

Worker: *reenters* “Okay, so that’s one piece of fish and a diet soda.”

Customer: “Yes. No. I’ve been so good with my diet; I’m going to reward myself. Add a piece of pecan pie!”

(Note that pecan pie is corn syrup, eggs, sugar, butter and vanilla baked in a pie crust. A single slice is over 500 calories.)

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