Pissed Off That You’re Not

, , , | | Right | August 9, 2019

(I tend to be very clumsy and take several falls a year that result in injuries where I can’t stand for long periods. My restaurant doesn’t have a problem with this and they usually put me in the back where I can use a chair and no customers can see me. Unfortunately, one morning, I have to sit on my stool at the front register where the customers can see me.)

Manager: “[Coworker] comes in at six so I can move you then. I will get your drinks and food so you don’t have to get up.”

Me: “Thanks. We shouldn’t be too busy this early. I think we’ll manage.”

(The phone rings so he goes back to the office to answer it as a customer walks through the door.)

Me: “Good morning, sir! How can I help you this morning?”

Customer: “You want to know how you can help me? You can get off your fat a** and get me some coffee! I can’t believe they are letting you be so lazy.”

Me: “I can certainly get you some coffee, sir. Will that be the medium size today?”

Customer: “No! I want the large. And fill it to the brim!”

Me: “Of course, sir. Would you like your coffee black?”

Customer: “Six creams. On the side! And two sugars in the cup.”

Me: “Certainly, sir. It will be [total].”

(I take the customer’s money but my manager has not yet returned.)

Me: “[Manager]! Could I have some help, please?”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! You’re what’s wrong with the world today! People like you, lazy and always getting other people to do everything for you. Why did they ever hire some stupid kid like you?”

Me: “Oh, I don’t know, it could have to do with the fact I have been working here for three years and have an outstanding performance record despite the fact I am terribly clumsy and often injure myself. Or maybe it’s because I am always in a good mood no matter what and I am very good at handling some of our more unruly customers.”

Customer: “What did you just call me, you little brat?!”

Me: “Sir, I am truly hurt that you would think I was referring to you! I can completely understand your attitude, as I have yet to bring you your coffee. However, as much as I would like to get your coffee for you and wish you a happier morning, I cannot walk on my knee at the moment. Hence the chair.”

Manager: “I’m sorry that took forever. Good morning, sir! Have you been helped?”

Customer: “No! I have not!”

Me: “This gentleman paid for a large coffee filled to the brim with two sugars in the cup and six creams on the side.”

(My manager makes it quickly and the customer curses and mumbles about me the whole time.)

Me: “Have a great day, sir!”

Customer: “Go to h***!”

Manager: “What did you do?”

Me: “I remained calm and very polite while he tried to berate me… I think it pissed him off!”

Don’t Need Any Old Spice

, , , , | | Related | August 8, 2019

(My dad’s new wife loves spicy food, and I don’t, since it gives me a painful rash. I’ve told her this, and she just clucks. She cooks up a stew for us and it smells great. There’s a spicy smell but I figure that it’s coming from hers and Dad’s dishes, since they like it. Lo and behold, one bite and I’m panting and whimpering, and my lips and mouth hurt.)

Dad: “Why did you put hot sauce in [My Name]’s dish? She’s told you she doesn’t like it.”

Stepmom: “I only put a little of my homemade hot sauce.”

Dad: “Your homemade hot sauce? It’s poison!”

(He doesn’t mean literally poison; it’s just an expression he uses to say it’s really spicy.)

Stepmom: “Meh. She’ll have to get used to it! Spicy foods are good for the soul. It helps the circulation, too.”

(Since then, I’ve asked her not to prepare me a dinner, since she doesn’t get it. She ignores me and prepares me another stew the next day; however, this one doesn’t have any hot sauce. It tastes a bit bland, so I grab the black pepper and start putting some flavor in it.)

Stepmom: “I thought that you didn’t like spiciness! Black pepper is spicy!”

Me: “Not to me. It’s nice and tangy.”

Stepmom: “Pffft! You young people can’t make your minds!”

(At least she stopped then.)

Unfiltered Story #159994

, , , | | Unfiltered | August 7, 2019

(The fast food restaurant I work in has various promotional items going on. Right now, we’re offering pork cheese fries that have pulled pork on them with a choice of three sauces. This happens while I’m working in the drive thru.)
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”
Customer: “Yes, can I get [several other items] and a pulled pork cheese fries please?”
Me: “Sure, would you like the sauce on the fries sweet, smoky, or spicy?”
Customer: “Cant I not get sauce? Or anything?”
Me, a bit confused: “Okay, so you don’t want the sauce, but you still want the pork and onions on them, right?”
Customer: “Nothing, just the cheese, you can do that right?”
Me: “Sure, anything else?”
Customer: “No, that’s it.”
Me: “Your total will be [total] and the first window, thank you!”
(It’s important to note that we do have cheese fries as their own item and they’re way cheaper than the pork fries. I rang her in for cheese fries.)
Coworker: “Who orders pork fries without the pork? You should have charged her for them!”

Unfiltered Story #159986

, , , | | Unfiltered | August 6, 2019

[I am standing in line behind three Catholic priests at a fast-food burger restaurant]

Priest 1: I think I’ll have a double cheeseburger combo.

Priest 2: That’s too much, I’ll just have the regular cheeseburger.

Me: Isn’t today Friday?

Priest 1 [pausing, then]: *sigh* I’ll have the fish sandwich combo.

Priest 2 & 3: Me, too.

[They step aside while their order is assembled. I then order.]

Me: I’ll have the double cheeseburger combo.

[All three priests look at me with a curious glare.]

Me: I’m Methodist.

Unfiltered Story #159978

, , | | Unfiltered | August 5, 2019

(i work at a popular fast food chain and am taking orders in the drive thru when this happens)
Me: Hi, thank you for choosing (food chain)! Would you like to try our new pulled pork sandwich today?
Customer: No, I’m not allowed to have pork! Can you believe it?!
Me: Aw, I’m sorry. What can I get for you today?
Customer: I’ll have a bacon and cheese potato.
Me: (facepalm)