A customer is arguing with my manager about getting a refund.

Manager: “Where is the food you’d like to get refunded, sir?”

Customer: “I ate it!”

Manager: “I’m afraid we can’t refund food you already ate, sir.”

Customer: “Why?”

Manager: “We need the food back if we want to refund it.”

Customer: “Well, what if I can get it back?”

Manager: “Sir, I can think of two ways you could achieve that, but I am interested in neither. Next time, don’t eat the food if you want it refunded. Goodbye.”

I work in a burger and fries place. A customer who has already ordered and eaten returns to the checkout counter.

Customer: “There is a customer eating his meal in one of your toilet stalls!”

Me: “I… see.”

Customer: “Well, aren’t you going to do something about it? It’s disgusting!”

Me: “While I agree that it doesn’t seem very… hygienic, what a customer is doing in the bathroom stalls is their business, and there’s not much we can do unless they’re being a nuisance or they have been in there for a while.”

Customer: “They are being a nuisance! They’re chewing loudly at the same time that they’re pooping!”

Me: “I… will let my manager know.”

Customer: “Good!”

Off they go, and I inform my manager of their complaint. 

Manager: “Well, if he’s not out in fifteen minutes, I’ll ask him if he needs any help, but honestly, as disgusting as that is, I’m impressed with the efficiency! In and out at the same time!”

I’ve just pulled up to the drive-thru speaker at a fast food restaurant.

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. May I take your order?”

Me: “Hi. Can I get—”

Employee: “AH, F***, HE’S BACK! [OTHER EMPLOYEE], HE’S IN THE KITCHEN! HELP ME!”

I pull out my phone and dial nine and one. I’m about to hit the final one when the drive-thru window pops open and an opossum goes flying out.

Employee: *Clearly out of breath* “Sorry… We’re… closed, due to, uh, sanitary reasons…”

Me: “…did it bite you?”

Employee: “Nah, he got a mouth full of chicken and he was not letting go.”

I work at a beach snack bar. At the end of the day, we clean off the deck we have by sweeping and hosing off sand and things of that nature. We also rope off the entrances to the deck, take down the “OPEN” flag, and close the shutters to the windows. However, even given all these signs, almost EVERY DAY people ask as we are cleaning up:

Customer: “Are you closed?”

Me: *Looking around at all the evidence* “Sorry, yes.”

Customer: *Pushing against the rope* “Are you sure?”

Related:
Not So Closed Minded, Part 34
Not So Closed Minded, Part 33
Not So Closed Minded, Part 32
Not So Closed Minded, Part 31
Not So Closed Minded, Part 30

My manager is called Thomas. A customer strolls in, looks at the menu for a moment, and then approaches me.

Customer: “I’m the manager’s brother, and he said I could get a free meal.”

I am relatively new, so this could be the manager’s brother, but I also remember from training that we’re not allowed to give out free food to relatives.

Me: “Which manager is that, sir?”

Customer: “You’re new, so you probably don’t know him. He’s here all the time.”

So, this guy knows that I am new? Maybe he’s a regular, or he knows this is a scam and he’s hoping I’m too new to question him.

Me: “What is the manager’s name, sir?”

Customer: *Hesitating, looking around, seeing no managers* “Thomas.”

Me: “Oh! You’re in luck! Thomas is out the back. One moment!”

Customer: “No, wait. Don’t bother him—”

Too late; I have quickly run to the back to call Thomas, letting him know that his “brother” is here to see him. Thomas walks out, sees the guy, and immediately knows what’s up.

Manager: “Sir, if you’re able to tell me my full name, including both my middle names, then I will let you walk out of here with as much food as you want, for free.”

Customer: “You’re Thomas… Edison?”

Manager: “Goodbye, sir.”

The customer curses and storms out.

Me: “That was hilarious.” 

Manager: “It happens more often than you think. Although no one has turned out to be my long-lost brother yet, so… goals.”