Nonsensical Hypotheticals

, | | Right | February 17, 2008

(Customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

Me: *dumb founded*

Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

*customer speeds off*

Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

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How OJ Might Order OJ

, | | Right | February 16, 2008

Customer at a drive-through: “Do you have orange juice, not an orange drink?”

Me: “Yes, we have orange juice.”

Customer: “I asked if you have orange juice, not an orange drink!”

Me: “And I said we do have orange juice…”

Customer, yelling: “Why don’t you answer my question!”

Me: “I did…twice…”

Customer: “F**k you! I don’t need to take this!”

Me: “Oooookay then…”

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How To Scam A Scammer, Part 4

, | | Right | February 7, 2008

(My mom and I did long shifts at the restaurant we worked at, from 10 AM to 9 PM. Around 6:30 PM we received a call from a customer.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m calling in for a complaint.”

Me: “Okay, what’s the problem?”

Customer: “Yeah, I came in this morning and ordered some food, but the guy there, he just PUNCHED me in the face!”

Me: “Wh…you’re saying somebody working here punched you? When?”

Customer: “It was today around noon. The man working there punched me. So can I get some free food? ‘Cause it really hurt. I mean, I could sue you guys.”

Me, trying really hard not to laugh: “I’m sorry, sir, we can’t do that. My mother and I have been working here since the restaurant opened and I assure you, neither of us have punched you in the face. Also, we only have female employees…”

Customer: “…Oh.” *click*

 

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It Runs In The Family

, | | Right | January 3, 2008

(A little kid comes running up to counter and points at our menu board above my head.)

Kid: “I want that one!”

Me: “The taco or the burrito, honey?”

Kid’s mother: “Don’t point! That’s rude. You have to tell her what you want.”

Kid: “I want the taco.”

Me, turning to the mother: “Ok. What can I get for you?”

Kid’s mother: *points* “I want that one.”

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All That For Nothing

, | | Right | November 30, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to *****. Can I help you?”

Me: “Yes please, you sell doonoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

Me: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

Me: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

(This went on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated until…)

Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

Me: “Yes, yes!”

Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

Me: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

Me: “Yes!!”

(Keep in mind we had been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”

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