(Our local [Fast Food Chicken Places] have stopped providing plastic caps and straws for drinks in an effort to reduce plastic use, but I’ve never needed them, anyway. I am in a different fast food restaurant, and am about to take two plates’ worth of chilli sauce from the self-serving dispenser, when one employee is in the way, presumably moving around cleaning tables.)

Me: “Excuse me.”

(The employee decides to go the extra mile and help me take two plates of chilli sauce and bring it to my table nearby.)

Me: “Thanks.”

Employee: “If you need more, just take new plates. Don’t reuse.”

Me: “Is there a reason for that?”

Employee: “They’re very cheap. No need to bother!”

Me: “…”

(I ignored him and reused them, anyway, when I ran out of sauce.)

(A customer returns with his sandwiches, one of them made improperly. The manager in charge apologises, takes the incorrect sandwich, and sends the request back to the grill to remake the sandwich. The entire time, the man is extremely angry his sandwich was made wrong, despite it being an honest mistake and an easy fix. While his sandwich is being remade, a coworker is handling drive-thru orders and is holding a bag for a different order.)

Customer: *still grumpy* “I don’t need a bag for my order. Just give the d*** sandwich when it’s ready.”

Coworker: “All right.”

Customer: *yelling as if she were intentionally ignoring him* “I said, I don’t need a bag!“

Coworker: “THIS ISN’T YOURS!”

(I’ve never seen a customer shut up so fast.)

(For a number of years, our menu was a little backwards; our bacon cheeseburger was the #1 combo and a plain burger was the #3 combo. Some variant of this conversation happened almost daily.)

Customer: “Can I get a #1, please?”

Me: “Okay, one bacon cheeseburger. Anything else today?”

Customer: “No, no, no, the number one.”

Me: “That is the number one.”

Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

Customer #1: *places order* “But I don’t want anything with cream in it; I’m vegan!” *wanders off*

Me: *to her friend, [Customer #2]* “We use mock cream, which is basically just vegetable oil and sugar, but the doughnuts themselves have dairy and egg in them, so your friend shouldn’t have them at all if she’s vegan.”

Customer #2: *shrugs* “What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her! I’ll take a dozen, but better leave out the cream ones, just in case.”

(I work at a popular fast food chicken restaurant. It’s about noon, and a rather deranged-looking man comes up to the register.)

Me: “Hi there. Is this going to be for here or to go?”

(He stands there and stares at me for a good twenty seconds before snapping out of his trance.)

Customer: “Oh! Sorry. This is to go. You know, I have a granddaughter who looks just like you. I make a lot of money, too. You know that place off of route 51…” *more incoherent rambling*

(He finally tells me he’s looking for a family meal, and I try my best to find the one that will fit his needs.)

Me: “We have a sixteen-piece meal; it comes with four large sides and eight biscuits. How about that?”

Customer: “Okay, and I’ll have that with no wings, please… You know, I have tons of money, right?”

Me: “Sure, and what would you like for your four sides?”

Customer: “No, I have money!”

Me: “I know. I’m asking what four sides you wanted with your meal.”

Customer: “That sixteen-piece meal up there; that’s what I wanted.”

Me: “Sir, I’m aware of that. I’m just asking what sides you want with it. Mashed potatoes? Coleslaw?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll have two mashed potatoes and two coleslaw.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be [total].”

Customer: “Now I have the money, all right?”

Me: “Okay.”

(He pulls out a whole wad of cash, seemingly all $1 bills. He tries to count them all and gives up.)

Customer: “Ugh, I know I have it. Let me just pull it out of what I got from that…” *more rambling*

(He eventually pulls out a fifty and gives it to me.)

Customer: “Now, I want to give you guys change for helping me out. Take what’s left and split it with each other.”

Me: “That’s very nice of you, but it isn’t necessary.”

Customer: “Oh, oh, oh, but it’s my gift to you. You should take it.”

Me: “Well, thank you, sir.”

(There ended up being a slight wait on his meal, so my manager went up and offered him a free drink while I handed it out. He talked to us for about five minutes about random things including his daughters, roads, and politics. He actually ended up inviting us to a candlelight dinner at his house before leaving.)