Putting The Squeeze On Stupid

, | Montana, USA | Working | December 30, 2012

(I am talking to some of my coworkers about how I wanted to get a pet snake. I have always loved snakes, and have been considering getting one for awhile.)

Me: “I think I want to get a ball python, because they don’t get very big, but I would love a boa!”

Coworker: “Why the h*** do you want a snake?”

Me: “Uh, cause I like them.”

Coworker: “Wouldn’t you rather have a ferret, or a hamster?”

Me: “You’re acting like I have no choice, like it’s a snake or nothing.”

Coworker: “Well, I hope that when you get that snake, it bites you and injects you with poison!”

(Most of my coworkers went silent at that point. They all know I have a bit of a temper. But, instead, I start to laugh.)

Me: “Seriously? Do you have any idea what you are talking about? First of all, it’s not poison, it is venom. Secondly, pythons and boas don’t have venom. They are constrictors, hence the name Boa Constrictor. If you are going to be a jerk, at least sound intelligent when you do it!”

(My coworker wouldn’t talk to me for almost a week after that. Now, 6 months and a new job later, I’ve got my first baby ball python!)

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Training Draining

, | Australia | Right | December 26, 2012

(It’s around 12 pm. I’m training a new girl on her third shift. She’s never been on register before, so I’m walking her through it before I teach her how to serve. Our register layout has changed that day, so every employee on shift is re-learning it. All of a sudden, a woman who has been standing in line for around two minutes walks straight up to the register. The register has a sign on it clearly stating that it is closed.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have to do that now?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “It’s lunchtime, and you’re training! Do you have to do that now?”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, but this is her training shift and—”

Customer: “I don’t care! I’ve been standing here for ten minutes! You have one girl serving and it’s extremely busy!”

(We have around five customers besides her, three of whom have ordered and paid.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’ll get you my manager.”

Customer: “It’s lunch time!”

Manager: “Hi, what seems to be the problem today?”

Customer: “This girl is being extremely rude to me and refusing to serve me!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, but as you can see, this register is closed. Our trainee is currently being trained. If you’ll just step into that line over there, we’ll take your order.”

Customer: “It’s lunch time! Are you all stupid!?. Some of us are on our meal breaks!”

Manager: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am.”

Customer: “This line isn’t even moving!”

(The manager is needed in two other parts of the store at this point, so she instructs me to have the trainee serve the customer, and then get back to training her.)

Customer: “Finally. It’s lunch time!”

(The customer then proceeds to rattle off a long and extremely complicated order. This is difficult for both the trainee and myself and takes around five minutes to put through her order. She begins screaming about slow service around halfway through. The trainee is nearly in tears by this point.)

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! You’re so f***ing slow! Don’t you know how to use a register?”

Me: *finally losing my patience* “No, she doesn’t. That’s what I was trying to teach her before.”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You have been extremely rude to my staff, who are only doing as they have been instructed to do. Here is your food.”

Customer: “You can’t do this to me! I’m going to your owners, and I’m going to your head office! What’s your name? What’s her name?”

(The manager gives both of our names.)

Customer: “I’M GOING TO HAVE YOU BOTH FIRED!”

(The customer then proceeds to charge out of the store, still ranting about poor service.)

Manager: “Yeah, have fun with that.”

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Santa Vs Jason

, | Campbellton, NB, Canada | Right | December 25, 2012

(Our restaurant is promoting several new products for the holidays, and the lobby and seating area are festively decorated. Two young women walk in with bags of Christmas wrap and the like. My manager and I overhear them having a brief conversation.)

Customer #1: “So, I guess Christmas falls on a Friday this year.”

Customer #2: “Oh my God. I really hope it’s not on the 13th!”

Customer #1: “Really, right? That would suck. Let me check the calendar on my phone to make sure.”

Customer #2: “Good idea! I’m celebrating the night before if it is!”

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Putting Pickles Before People Will Put You In A Pickle

, | Raleigh, NC, USA | Right | December 24, 2012

(It’s very close to Christmas and I’m on my break in the mall’s food court. The line I’m in is long; I notice there’s a customer with a young daughter throwing a fit, which is holding up the line.)

Customer: “I specifically said no pickles! I’m a very busy woman; I don’t have time for you to correct your stupid mistake! You should have gotten it right the first d*** time!”

(The customer continues to rant, at length, about how poor the service is and how she’s too busy to deal with it. This goes on for a few minutes while her daughter looks embarrassed and the rest of the customers in line are getting agitated. Finally, I decide to speak up.)

Me: “Hey! Lady! It’s Christmas! We’re all busy. So how about you shut up, take the pickles off your own d*** sandwich, and stop acting like an a** in front of your kid? We all have lives we’d like to get back to!”

(The customer tries to respond, but stops when she realizes the rest of the customers in line are applauding. She takes her food and drags her daughter off with a huff. The other customers actually push me to the front of the line, where the cashier looks nearly in tears, but is very relieved.)

Cashier: “Thank you so much.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Nobody deserves that kind of attitude today!”

(The cashier gave me a free drink, and the man behind me in line insisted on paying for my order out of ‘The Christmas Spirit’.)

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So-da Pressing

, | WI, USA | Right | December 23, 2012

(A customer asks for the manager, and seems clearly upset.)

Manager: “Is there something I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yes! Why are you using [soda brand] products? You know they have fetuses in them! How dare you use their product?”

Manager: “Ma’am, I can assure you there are no—”

Customer: “YES THERE ARE! I want to know why you’re using their product when they have fetuses in them!”

Manager: “Let me get the head manager.”

(She comes back with the head manager.)

Head manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t decide what kind of soda products we use. That is up to corporate to decide. It’s not our personal decision to choose a specific type of soda.”

Customer: “But they have fetuses in them!”

Head manager: “Well, if you would like to complain, I would go ahead and contact corporate about the soda. I’m sorry, but I can’t do more for you.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t believe you would use [soda brand]! They have fetuses in them!”

(I’ve dealt with some unique people at that place, but she takes the cake!)

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