Wanted An Extra-Happy Meal

, , , , , | Right | September 13, 2017

(I work the front counter on one of the tills, with my boss fixing the ice cream machine standing a foot behind me, when a customer walks up.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “A cheeseburger and fries.”

Me: “That will be [price].”

(The customer hands over the money and then says in the same volume and tone of voice used to order:)

Customer: “Want to buy some drugs?”

Me: “No, thank you.”

(The customer then found a seat in the middle of the lobby… and spread out his wares in little pill bottles. Everyone in the store was staring at this guy, as my manager, also plainly visible to everyone in the store, was on the phone with the cops and could not stop snickering under her breath. The rest of the staff and customers waiting in line now proceeded to find comfortable spots to watch as this oblivious idiot got arrested.)

The Boss Is No Shrimping Violet

, , , , , , , | Working | September 12, 2017

(My sister and I are craving [Specialty Drinks] and we stop at [Popular Fast Food Restaurant] to treat ourselves. After placing our orders, we’re waiting, and we get to experience this interaction:)

Employee #2: *to the manager as she runs out of the kitchen* “Hey, [Manager], you need to talk to [Employee #1]. He’s back there eating shrimp again, and now I need some air.”

Manager: “D*** it, again? Fine. Hey, [Employee #1]!”

Employee #1: *sticks head out of kitchen while chewing* “What?”

Manager: “Are you eating seafood?”

Employee #1: “H*** yeah!”

Manager: “We don’t serve seafood at [Restaurant], so, none in the kitchen.”

Employee #1: “Why the f*** not?”

Manager: “There are people like [Employee #2] who are allergic to seafood, and we don’t have it on our allergen list.”

Employee #1: “F*** that, [racial slur]. I love shrimp.”

Manager: *apparently losing patience* “You can’t eat it in [Restaurant].”

Employee #1: *stuffs piece of shrimp into his mouth with a gloved hand*

Manager: “Okay. Fine. You’re fired. Let’s head to the office.”

Employee #1: “What the f***, [racial slur]! You can’t fire me!”

Manager: *authoritatively* “Office. Now.”

(He started towards the back. Employee #1 followed angrily. My sister and I left with our order. We were both glad we didn’t order any food, because my sister is deathly allergic to shrimp.)

It’s A Regular Occurrence

, , , , | Right | September 12, 2017

(I am getting some lunch with my mother at a popular fast food place. She’s a little bit distracted and has turned into one of those customers.)

Cashier: “For the drink would you like diet or regular?”

Mother: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Um…”

Me: “She means diet, sorry. She’s a bit all over the place today.”

Cashier: “No problem.”

Mother: “What just happened?”

Me: “She asked if you wanted a diet or a regular drink and you replied ‘yes.'”

Mother: “Oh no, I’m one of those people!”

“Pretty” Obvious Why He Was Reported

, , , , , | Working | September 11, 2017

(I’m the only one in the drive through at a pretty deserted fast food place. When I pull up to the window, the only employee I can see is the cashier taking my payment. I am a non-confrontational person by nature.)

Cashier: “I’d tell you that you’re pretty, but two people have already called in to report me for sexual harassment, so I can’t.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “…um, people suck, I guess? Thanks anyway?”

Cashier: “Yeah, it’s lame. Wanna hear some excellent jokes?”

Me: *trying to look behind him for any sign of my dinner* “Uh, sure?”

(The cashier tells me several puns without moving to check on my food. Several minutes later, an employee I hadn’t seen brings a bag to the cashier, who is still telling jokes.)

Cashier: “Oh, here is your food. Have a great night!”

(I checked my food when I got home a few minutes later, and it was cold. I think I know why that particular restaurant wasn’t busy at peak dinner hours.)

Unfiltered Story #93778

, , | Unfiltered | September 11, 2017

Customer: *in the Drive-Thru* “Hey do ya’ll have any specials going on right now?”

Me: “Yes we do! We have a five-dollar quarter pounder meal deal.”

Customer: “Oh, how much is that?”

Me: Um… five dollars?

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