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I Am Number Four

| Portland, OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular

(My best friend and I are working together at a popular Mexican restaurant. It is early-ish in the morning on a Sunday, so we are the only two on shift. She is taking orders on drive-thru and counter, and I am making the food. It’s very slow and we are only getting roughly one or two customers every half hour, so it’s an easy morning. A gentleman walks in the front doors and orders four tacos and a side of potatoes. I am standing right behind the registers and hear his order, so by the time he’s paid for his items, I almost have all his food ready. He is the only customer we have. Here is the exchange I hear between him and and my friend:)

Cashier: “Your order will be ready in just a moment.”

Customer: “What’s my order number?”

Cashier: “You don’t need an order number. You are the only customer.”

Customer: *ignoring her, raising his voice* “How am I supposed to get my order without an order number?”

(I have finished making his food now and I am putting all his items on the tray. I think he’s kidding, but after glancing over my shoulder I see his face is red with anger and confusion.)

Customer: “Well? How hard is it to give me my ORDER NUMBER!”

Cashier: “Okay, your order number is… four”.

Customer: *looking as if he’s just fought a battle* “Okay, then!”

(At that moment I turn around and put the tray on the front counter. He has not even had a chance to turn to go to the drink machine to pour his beverage. My friend/cashier grabs his tray so he can’t grab it.)

Cashier: *with the belligerent customer directly in front of her* “NUMBER FOUR! NUMBER FOUR! NUMBER FOUR, YOUR ORDER IS READY! NUMBER FOUR!”

(He angrily took his tray and sat in the totally empty dining room. I had to go the back to avoid laughing at the whole scene.)

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Severely Lacking In Awesome Sauce

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Food & Drink, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(I am closing drive-thru. We have packets of our signature sauce for drive-thru customers, but we also have pumps of it out in the lobby. Due to health code regulations, we’re not allowed to use the pumps for serving to customers.)

Customer: “Hey, do you mind if I get [Sauce]?”

Me: “Sure, no problem.” *I try to hand her some packets*

Customer: “Actually, can you put some sauce in a side cup for me from the pump in the lobby?”

(After explaining the health code to her, she suddenly gets very unreasonable.)

Customer: “What do you mean it’s unsanitary?! I’m going to go in there, dump out all of the sauce onto the floor, and make you replace it.”

(I have no patience after a long night.)

Me: “Well, you’re welcome to try, but you’ll be leaving in handcuffs.”

(At this point she just sped off.)

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Largely Never Satisfied

| MO, USA | Food & Drink

(I am working as a cashier on front counter. The customer has ordered a large Reuben combo and another Reuben sandwich on the side. I hand her her food, which she takes only to return a couple seconds later.)

Customer: “Where’s my drink and fries for the other Reuben?”

Me: “You just ordered the sandwich, ma’am. There’s no drink or fries for that.”

Customer: “No, I want it EXACTLY like the other one.”

(After calling my manager over, I ring her up for another large combo meal and have it made free for the lady.)

Customer: “Why is this large? I didn’t say that I wanted it large?”

Me: *all I can do is just stare at the customer in disbelief*

(Finally, my manager took over and told me to go run orders.)

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Big Mac Attack, Part 2

| UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I was at my workplace, a well-known burger, fries, and shakes chain, doing my tasks for the night. It is the evening before a bank holiday, so as you can expect, the entirety of Britain wants to get drunk. It is around 7 p.m. when a customer approaches with her husband.)

Customer: *hands me two vouchers* “I want one o’ them an’ one o’ them.”

Me: *notices one of the tickets has an option on it* “Okay, so, on this one, is it [Popular Burger] or [Popular Chicken Sandwich]?”

Customer: “One of each.”

Me: “You can either get the [Popular Burger] or [Popular Chicken Sandwich] on this one.”

Customer: *looks at me confused/angry then it suddenly dawns* “Right I’ll have the [Popular Burger].”

Customer’s Husband: “[My Name], you’re confusin’ her!”

Me: *internally sighs; puts through order, takes money and gives change*

Customer’s Husband: *hands me a voucher of the same choice type* “I’ll have a [Popular Burger] and fries on that.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Customer’s Husband: *turns to wife* ‘See? Simple and straight up so I don’t confuse him!’

Me: *another internal sigh* “That’ll be [price], please.”

Related:
Big Mac Attack

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Getting All Hot (Salsa) And Bothered

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Popular, Wild & Unruly

(We have three different kinds of salsa, which are named based on their spiciness: mild, medium, and hot. Customers choose their salsa, and employees put it on. I always point to each one as I say their names when asking customers which ones they want. It is a very slow night; I am the only one working on the food line, and the only manager is in the back. This customer is the first one I’ve seen in ten minutes or so.)

Me: “All right, would you like mild, medium, or hot salsa?”

Customer: *points to the mild salsa* “Hot.”

Me: *I figure it’s more likely that he misspoke than that he mis-pointed. I grab the spoon for the mild salsa and keep my eye on the customer’s face* “This one?”

Customer: “Is that the hot?”

Me: *I move my hand over to the spoon for the hot salsa* “Sorry, that was the mild. This one’s the hot.”

Customer: “Mild?”

Me: *I point to the mild* “This one here?”

Customer: “Is that the hot?”

Me: “No, that is the mild.” *I point to the hot* “This is the hot. Did you want the hot salsa?”

Customer: “No, not that one.”

Me: *I point to the mild* “So, the mild?”

Customer: “NOT MILD!”

Me: “Okay, um…” *I point to the medium* “Medium?”

Customer: *clearly getting irate* “HOT! SALSA!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

(I grab the ladle of hot salsa, and start to bring it to the customer’s food.)

Customer: “NO!” *he points to the mild salsa* “I want HOT SALSA! HOT! SALSA!”

(He’s already yelling because I tried to clarify. He still doesn’t know which salsa is which. Either he gets mad at me now because I explain it, or he gets mad later because his food isn’t spicy, and then gets mad again the next time an employee tries to clarify what he wants. I decide to bite the bullet. I plaster on my cheerful customer service face. My eyes probably glaze over. I am no longer present.)

Me: “Yes, sir! I’m very sorry; I just want to make sure that I get you exactly what you want. It looks like you’re pointing to this one.” *points to mild* “Is that right?”

Customer: “YES! HOT SALSA!”

Me: “I’d be happy to give you some of this, but I’d hate it if you sat down with the food and were disappointed because you expected it to be hot. This one is mild. It has no spiciness whatsoever. Is that okay?”

Customer: “WHY IS THIS SO HARD FOR YOU? I DON’T WANT IT TO BE MILD. I WANT HOT SALSA. THAT MEANS SPICY! JUST… AUGH! CAN SOMEONE ELSE DO THIS? SOMEONE SMARTER THAN YOU?”

Me: “Sure! Just a moment, sir.”

(I go in the back to talk to the manager.)

Me: “Sir, there’s a gentleman up front who would like some help with his salsa choices this evening.”

Manager: “Oh, god, you’ve gone robot again. It’s that bad?”

Me: “He says he’d like someone smarter than me to do it.”

Manager: “Oh, boy.”

(The manager goes up front. I stay in the office and watch on the security monitors as the manager listens to the customer, and reaches for the hot salsa. I see the customer gesturing wildly, and hear some yelling from all the way up front. Then the customer storms out without his food. I walk up front, and pass the manager on his way back. He’s holding back laughter.)

Manager: “Good news! He says he’s never coming here again!”

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