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When You’ve Been Shawshanked

| Right | December 27, 2012

(I work at a table that is set up at a farmer’s market every Sunday where I sell different deli meats. I also cater events and I am speaking to a couple in their 30s about possibly catering an engagement party. I am a caucasian female in my 20s.)

Me: “So, I can give you my business card if you’d like to discuss the options for your engagement party.”

Woman: “Sure, thanks!”

Man: “You’ve been so helpful!” *looks at name on business card* “Morgan Freeman? Are you seriously Morgan Freeman?”

Me: “Well, yes. That’s my name.”

Woman: “Are you the actor?”

Me: *laughing* “Haha, only on weekdays!”

Man: “No she’s not. What a liar! This is bulls***. You’re not Morgan Freeman!”

Woman: “Honey, it says right there on the card. So, are you the one that does all the narration? Like for the penguin movies?”

Man: “She’s a liar. We’re leaving.”

Me: “No. I’m not the African American male actor. But anyway, my email and phone number are on there for my catering business.”

Man: “Sorry, we don’t deal with liars.”

(He hauls his fiancée away.)

Woman: *turns around and literally yells* “DO YOU KNOW OPRAH?!”

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His Farm’s About To Buy The Farm

| Working | November 10, 2012

(I’m a customer at a small local farmers market where family farms sell their produce. In this case, the teenager running his family’s produce stand is having problems.)

Me: “The spinach is how much?”

Teen Farmer: “$3.”

Me: *hand him a $10 bill*

Teen Farmer: *gives me change of a $10 bill with a wad of $1 bills*

Me: “Here’s your $10 back.”

Teen Farmer: “You gave me a $20?”

Me: “I gave you a $10.”

Teen Farmer: “Oh! Okay, here you go!” *hands me a $20 bill*

Me: *hands it back* “That’s a $20…”

Teen Farmer: *takes it back* “Oh! Sorry!”

Me: *counts rest of change* “Um, I’m still short a dollar.”

Teen Farmer: *finally hands me a single dollar* “Here you go!”

Me: “Thanks! Hey, be careful… you’re gonna put your family out of business!”

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Vegetable Innuendos

| Right | February 20, 2012

(I’m at the farmer’s market selling cucumbers when two little old ladies come up.)

Little Old Lady #1: “Those are some nice cucumbers.”

Little Old Lady #2, to #1: “I’ve got a nice bug cucumber back at home for you.”

Little Old Lady #1, to me: “I’m sorry you had to hear that.”

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Can I Have Some Nuts With That

, , , | Right | October 30, 2010

(The customer spends several minutes staring at a selection of fudge, trying to decide which one she wants. Her daughter is standing in line with her.)

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a piece of caramel chocolate squirrel.”

Me: “Um…”

Daughter: “Mooommm!”

Customer: “What?”

Daughter: “It’s chocolate caramel swirl! I don’t think we want a chocolate caramel squirrel.”

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