Getting A Leg Up On Genetics

, , , , , | Related | September 27, 2017

(I have four children, from two different relationships. Two older boys are from a previous relationship, who we will call [Dad #1], and the younger girl and boy are from my husband, [Dad #2]. Though all children live with my husband and me, the father of my first two children is still very much involved with the family. This is probably why there is some confusion for the youngest child in the family when we are talking about shared physical traits.)

Me: “You guys all have my cheeks.”

Older Son: “Yeah, but I got my height from [Dad #1].”

Daughter: “And I got my eyes from [Dad #2].”

Dad #2: “Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, both [Daughter and Youngest Son] got my eye sight.”

Youngest Son: “Yeah, but my legs are [Dad #1]’s.”

(Everyone stops and looks at my youngest son.)

Me: “Uh, what?”

Youngest Son: “Yeah, I have [Dad #1]’s legs.”

Dad #2: “Buddy, how can that be, when I’m your dad?”

Youngest Son: “I’m not sure, but I have his legs. Do you think there was some stuff leftover and it passed on to me?”

(The whole family thinks this is hilarious and tries to explain to him why he doesn’t share any genes with [Dad #1]. A couple days later, both [Dad #2] and the youngest son are sitting on the couch in shorts.)

Dad #2: “Son, look at my legs and look at your legs. Whose legs do you have?”

Youngest Son: *looks down and then up* “I hate to say it, Dad, but they’re [Dad #1]’s legs.”

(Now that he’s older, he understands why this isn’t right.)

Family Business

, , , , , | Related | September 27, 2017

Friends, relatives, and being a store employee do not mix. Everyone is friendly when things are going well, but the first time you’re out of an item, those closest to you become horrors.

I work in a farm store. One day, a fairly distant relative of mine stopped by with her elderly father, intent on purchasing a tiller to go on the back of his tractor. I greeted them extra-warmly and gave him my discount, which I’m not even supposed to do for extended family, based on the store rules. Everything went fine until I accompanied them to the front parking lot to assist in loading.

These implements come in wood crates. Typically, we unlock the item and then use a forklift to load said item into the back of a pickup or onto the bed of a trailer. Liability prevents us from helping the customer tie the item down or handle it in any other fashion. Most of the time this is no issue and both parties leave happy.

Back to our situation: We were barely out of the building when I noticed they had driven the actual tractor to the store, and fully intended to hook the tiller on and haul it home that way. I shouldn’t have even offered to un-crate the item, but did because after all, they were family. I did, however, tell them that I cannot help hook the tiller up to the tractor. The relative’s father would have to do it on his own. That’s when all hell broke loose. Once the old man got wind of this, he let loose with a string of obscenities that would have made a sailor blush.

Being confronted with such rudeness made me want to bend the rules for them even less, so I stood my ground and told him that our insurance carrier would not be pleased if I (or he) was injured due to an accident hooking the item up. His daughter stood silently as he rained F-bombs on me, referring to me as “stacked s***” and other cute terms of endearment, offering nothing in the form of an explanation or apology for his actions. To make a long story a little shorter, he begrudgingly pinned the tiller to his tractor himself, cursing me out the entire time, and then recklessly drove out of the parking lot as fast as he could go, barely missing other patrons’ vehicles.

A few weeks later, his daughter came in the store by herself. As luck would have it, I was running register and she ended up in my lane. I did my best to make small talk. God only knows why she thought I would care, but she brought up her father. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t resist. I said, “Oh, by the way, how is he doing? In good health?” She looked at me strangely and said that yes, he was okay. I responded with, “Oh, I’m terribly sorry to hear that; hopefully things will turn around soon. Have a nice day!” She gave me a blank stare and then walked out quietly.

Your Child Knows Copyright From Wrong

, , , , | Working | September 15, 2017

(My daughter is used for ads in another country, and the photographer gives me digital copies to use as I want. I take my daughter everywhere with me, because I’m a single mom. I go to get copies of the unused shots for the grandparents.)

Worker: “We can’t print these.”

Me: “Why?”

Worker: “They are obviously not yours!”

Me: “I’ve been given the right to use them.”

Worker: “Well, that’s not your kid!”

Me: *looking down at my kid* “She’s not?!”

My Kid: *looking up* “Hi! I’m [Name].” *then spells it* “I’m four!”

Worker: “That doesn’t prove she’s yours!”

Me: “I’ll go elsewhere.”

Some People Make You Need Gene Therapy

, , , , , | Working | September 11, 2017

(A coworker comes up to my desk to drop off some paperwork. He notices a photo on my desk. I am white.)

Coworker: “Who’s this?”

Me: “My son.”

Coworker: “Your son is black?”

Me: “He’s adopted.”

Coworker: “Oh. I think it’s great that gay couples can adopt.”

Me: “Yeah, it certainly makes us happy.”

Coworker: “It stops you contributing to the gene pool.” *walks away*

Nursing Through The Generations

, , , | Working | September 6, 2017

(I am a sixteen-year-old girl, working part-time in a doctor’s office as a file clerk. This doctor has been practicing medicine for a very long time and in a multitude of different fields; he’s worked in the ER, on the hospital floors, and in the family practice I work in now. My mother and grandmother also worked at the same hospital at some point in time. One day, I pass out at work, and since the doctor thinks I shouldn’t drive, my coworkers call my parents to pick me up.)

Coworker: “Doctor, [My Name]’s mom and grandma are here. They were out shopping when we called them.”

Doctor: “Send them in, please. I’d like to go over her vitals with them before we send her to the emergency room.”

(My mom and grandma come in, and the doctor does a double take.)

Doctor: “[Mom]? [Grandma], MY FLOOR NURSE?”

(And that’s how he found out that my grandmother, my mother, and I all worked for him at different times! He never put it together because they have different surnames now than when they worked for him. At least he felt better leaving me in the hands of one of his former nurses!)

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