(I work at a small self-serve frozen yogurt store. One night, a man and his young daughter come in, the daughter clearly excited about getting frozen yogurt. I chat with them, help them out, and everything goes fine until it’s time to pay. He reaches into his wallet to pay, and pulls out a $100 bill. Because $100 bills are so easily faked and because we have so little in our change drawers, our store policy won’t let me accept it.)

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t accept a $100 bill, sir; it’s against our store policy. Do you have another method of payment, like a credit card?”

Customer: “No, this is all I have. Are you sure that you can’t take it?”

(He shows me the entire wallet, which, true to his word, only has $100 bills. By this point, from his accent and the contents of his wallet, it’s clear to me that he and his daughter are foreign tourists out for a late night treat, and as she has been so excited, I don’t have the heart to make her give the yogurt back.)

Me: “In that case, I’ll just let you have the yogurt for free.”

Customer: “Oh! Thank you — but I’ll come back to pay you. I’ll go to the bank and get smaller bills.”

Me: “You don’t have to do that; it’s all right. Have a good night!”

Customer: “No, no, no. I will come back!”

(The two of them start to head out with their yogurt.)

Customer’s Daughter: “Where are we going, Daddy?”

Customer: “To the bank, so that I can pay the lady. Go ahead and eat your yogurt.”

(They leave, and I leave the check open and go back to tending to the store. About fifteen minutes later, I notice a truck pull up in front of the store, and to my surprise, it’s that customer and his daughter!)

Me: “Hello, I see that you are back!”

Customer: “Yes, I went to the bank to get money you can take. Here you are!”

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

(He hands me a $20 to pay. Since I’d left the check open, I was able to give him change and hand it to him.)

Customer: “They closed the exit to here so I had to drive all the way around to the other exit — but I was going to get you your money!”

Me: “Thank you very much for coming back, sir. A lot of people wouldn’t have bothered.”

Customer: “No, thank you for letting us take the yogurt. Have a good night!”

(That girl is lucky to have such a great father!)

(I am browsing through a book shop when I see a boy run up to his dad clutching a book. From where I am I can see it is a complete collection of Shakespeare.)

Boy: “Dad! I found it!”

(The dad takes the books and looks at it.)

Dad: “Put it back. You just need one of the plays for school.”

Boy: “But it’s on offer; it’s the same price as Macbeth but it’s all of them, see?”

Dad: “It’s a waste of money. You shouldn’t buy collections. They’re just a way to get more money from you.”

Boy: “But it’s the same price as just the one–”

Dad: “Shakespeare will just release another book, and they’ll all have different covers and you’ll have to buy the new complete collection. Just buy the one you need.”

Boy: “But Dad, I really want this one.”

(When the two continue to argue, a member of staff who had previously been putting books on a display walks over.)

Staff Member: “Excuse me, sir. I couldn’t help but overhear. The collection is an excellent bargain; it’s half price today. And I can assure you there will be no other plays by William Shakespeare because he’s dead.”

Dad: “Of course you’d say that. You want us to spend more money.”

Staff Member: “It’s the same price as a book with just one of his plays in it and like I said, there is no chance of there being another Shakespeare play, or anything else by him for that matter.”

Dad: “Look, I know Shakespeare isn’t a real person. He’s like a mascot to get people to go see plays and make people think it’s good.”

(At this point I have to hide around the corner because I start laughing. I find what I am looking for and head for the register. As I get there, the dad and his son are being served. It looks like the dad has agreed to buy the collection but is still arguing because when I come within earshot of the registers I hear the cashier say:)

Cashier: “I’ll tell you what, sir. If William Shakespeare ever publishes anything else, I will refund you the full price of the book and give you £100 from my own pocket.”

(The dad walked away looking smug while the son kept his eyes to the ground, looking very embarrassed.)

This story is part of the Shakespeare roundup!

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(I am attending my son’s fourth grade class for a Mother’s Day celebration. My son gives me a heads up about the process.)

Son: “So, each of us wrote something about our mothers. We’ll read it in front of everybody, we sing a song, and then you’ll have your cake and tea.”

Me: “Aww, that’s really sweet.”

Son: *whispers* “No, what’s actually sweet is the fact that, in my writing, I did not mention your cooking skills because I love you.”

This story is part of our Mother’s Day 2021 roundup!

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(A woman and her family come into the shop and she is purchasing tampons, pads, and condoms, plus bubble tape for the kids.)

Eldest: *seven at most* “Hey, what are those?” *points to box of tampons*

(The mom and I make eye-contact and almost start laughing.)

Mom: “Um, they are for mommies.”

Eldest: “But what are they for? What do they do?”

Mom: “They’re for mommies. Go outside to your dad.”

(The kid leaves and goes outside.)

Me: “At least he didn’t see the condoms.”

Mom: “Oh, god, yeah. ‘What are those for, mommy?’ For not having anymore of you!”

(My sister and I are very close, but lately we haven’t had any time together to just chat without the husbands and sons around. We are sitting in my living room, just catching up, and having normal conversation about nothing in particular and have finally cracked the code for personal time. My husband walks in and sits down.)

Sister: *without missing a beat* “…and so I’m reasonably sure it’s not related to my period…”

(Husband walks out.)

Me: “Yeah, it works every time. So you were saying?” *normal conversation*

(Her twelve-year-old son walks in.)

Me: “…so you don’t think that any of this could be related to your menstrual cycle?”

Sister: “No, it’s been normal flow and consistency…”

Son: “Okay, I’m out of here.”

(Her son RUNS out; normal conversation resumes; her husband walks in again.)

Me: “…well, PMS can cause that if you recently…”

(Her husband walked out. We were not disturbed again!)

This story is part of our Sisters’ Day roundup!

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