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Took That Photo Opportunity

| Related | December 4, 2016

My entire family has come from various parts of the county to a family reunion during the holidays. On a Saturday, we headed to a local museum and outdoor park for the day.

About midday, my niece, age six, is playing with our various children while the adults sit and talk. A few minutes later, she proudly comes to us and says that she has gotten the family reunion photo done.

We are confused and try to understand what is going on. We press her for more information, as we are worried that some stranger was taking photos of random six-year-old girls.

However, it turns out that, when she was out of our direct view, another family had been taking a professional family reunion photo and had accidentally included her in it, thinking she was a member of their families.

I have always imagined, somewhere in America, there is a set of grandparents and siblings trying to figure out which of their families this random, not actually related, six-year-old belongs to.

This story is part of the Family Reunion roundup!

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Read the Family Reunion roundup!

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Seize A Photo Opportunity

, , , , , , | Related | November 6, 2016

My girlfriend has frequent seizures. We’ve been dating for six months now so I’ve become fairly experienced with dealing with them.

One time, I go with her to her family’s picnic at her grandparents’ house. They have a pool there, and she wants to go swimming. While we are in the pool — the shallow end, fortunately — she has a seizure and falls into the water. She isn’t convulsing and she has fallen face-up, so all I really have to do is support her upper body to make sure that she stays afloat. I know I should get her out of the water, but I’ll have a hard time with it if I have to do it all by myself.

Nearby, a bunch of her relatives are talking, so I try to get their attention. This one guy — I think he is her uncle — notices us, but I guess he just thought we were doing some sort of cute couple pose, with her floating on her back and me holding onto her shoulders like that, so instead of coming to help, he just takes a picture.

Her mother quickly realizes what has actually happened and heroically jumps into the pool, fully-clothed and everything, to help me get her onto dry land, and she comes to a few seconds after that, unharmed.

After her uncle realized what had actually happened, he was really embarrassed and apologized for not being more helpful. I told him it was fine, but I was going to want a copy of that photo!

This story is part of our Epilepsy roundup.

Read the next Epilepsy roundup story!

Read the Epilepsy roundup!

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A Related Issue

| Related | September 19, 2016

(We’re at a massive family reunion and taking a huge picture of everyone. My cousin has brought her boyfriend of a year or so.)

Cousin: “Can [Boyfriend] be in the picture?”

Aunt: “No. Family only.”

(My cousin lets this go. The next major family event is about three years later, and there’s another big family picture.)

Cousin: “C’mon, [Boyfriend], picture time!”

Aunt: “NO! It’s a FAMILY picture!”

Cousin: “But [My Brother’s Fiancée] is allowed in.”

Aunt: “They’re getting married; that makes her related. What if you and [Boyfriend] break up? I don’t want to look at pictures years later of someone you dumped!”

(Four years after that, at yet another family gathering, Cousin is pregnant, and Aunt is preparing for yet another family picture:)

Aunt: “[Boyfriend], you can take this one.”

Cousin: “Mom…”

Aunt: “The picture is only for people who are related to us.”

Cousin: “[My Brother] got divorced last year; you’ve already got pictures with people you’re not related to! [Boyfriend] and I have been together EIGHT YEARS. I am pregnant with his child! Your grandchild! How much more do you want?”

Aunt: “He’s NOT FAMILY!”

Cousin: “He is MY family! And if he’s not in it, I’m not in it!”

(Later, after the picture is taken — with the boyfriend:)

Me: “Wow, [Cousin], that took some serious chutzpah.”

Cousin: “It’s the hormones. I’m cranky, pregnant, and unstoppable.”

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In Need Of Some Sisterly Advice

| Related | September 13, 2016

(My wife and I, both female, are at my family reunion. A girl who’s related to me in some way has sort of been following us around all day. Finally…)

Girl: “I wish I got along with MY sister that well!”

(My wife and I exchange glances, trying not to laugh.)

Me: “Let’s just walk away and let her parents explain this one.”

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When The Miracle Of Childbirth Is Preceded By An Actual Miracle

| Related | August 10, 2016

(My husband and I are leaving a family party.)

Aunt: “No humping, now!”

Me: “No promises!”

Mom: *gasp* “I don’t want to hear that!”

Me: “Mom, I’m married.”

Mom: “I still don’t want to hear it!”

Me: “But you want grandkids. You keep telling me you want grandkids.”

Mom: “That still doesn’t mean I want to hear about it!”

Me: “Yeah, I’ll just pop out the Messiah, Mom. No big deal.”

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