Unfiltered Story #172228

, , | Unfiltered | September 30, 2019

(I work as a balloon artist at a local arts market, where I work for tips.)

Boy: Excuse me, how much is a balloon?

Me: I work for tips.

Boy: *looks confused*

Me: That means you pay whatever you want.

Boy: Ok! *runs of, returns a few minutes later* Can you make me an octopus?

Me: Sure! *makes balloon* Here you go, sweetie.

Boy: Thank you! Here’s your tip! *pulls out a huge, bigger than his hand strawberry* I don’t have any money, so I chose the biggest, bestest strawberry! Bye!

*runs off with octopus balloon*

Unfiltered Story #167671

, , | Unfiltered | September 24, 2019

I’m working a jewelry booth at a Renaissance Festival. A boy walks up to me holding a necklace from a display that stands a few feet from the actual booth.

Boy: Excuse me, how much is this necklace?

Me: Nine dollars.

Boy: Oh, I only have a ten. *starts to walk away rejectedly*

Me: I can give you change honey.

Boy: *suddenly excited* Oh wow, really?

(I just nod and he makes the purchase and runs off happily with his necklace and change)

Unfiltered Story #167639

, , | Unfiltered | September 23, 2019

(So I was at my friends 12th Birthday (that was 8 or 9 years ago) at a Brewers Fayre which was very popular and it even had a small play area (that all ways smelled like feet and fart fumes) the place was very big and always packed with people because there was a hotel the size of the Eiffel Tower so their was a fare share of jerks!)

Worker: Hi I’m Jully, can I get you anything?

(Let me say this was my friends table so she was waiting us but…)

Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce: I want a mother fucking mini taco you no good fat, smelly icky bitch!

My Friend: *Eyes grow bigger than a giant squid’s*

Worker: Excuse me?

Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce: Yeah bitch I want ‘dat mini tacos!

Manager who was moving some seats at the time: Madam please don’t use that language in here, we have many children in here and we don’t want that foul mouth on your face in this resteraunt!

Owner who heated from out back: Madam leave now!

Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce and is gonna turn into a fucking John Cena clone: Who cares you mother fucking cunt, fucking fuck you fuck!

(She literly picks up the owner, throws him on the floor and taps her elbow but then the Owner moves out of the way alsmost a tick before the woman shatters her elbow on the concrete floor)

The Middle aged woman who properly broke the scales of the amount of pizza she has consumed in the last five minutes who could also be high on lettuce’s boyfriend runs up from a table on the far, far side of the room)

Middle aged… You now what fuck it In tirred of tiping on this phone I’ll just say BF: You broke my buetiful gal’s arm you cunt!

(I sillently call the police and they come in 5 minutes flat, so it turns out John Cena Woman was wanted in England, Russia and Origen and I got £200,000 by calling the police and I gave %50 to the restraint and shared the rest with friends so yeah all well ends well also they were no mink tacos at the restraunt…..)

A Fluff In Wolf’s Clothing

, , , , , | Hopeless | August 23, 2019

(When I am a child, my family goes to an Independence Day carnival every year after watching the Independence Day parade. There are quite a few standard carnival rides, but there are also a few large tents where activities like spin art, sand art, and airbrush tattoos are available. I am walking around in these tents when I see one of the biggest, fluffiest, happiest dogs I have ever seen. He is on a harness and surrounded by small children petting him. He seems to be having the time of his life, and his owner is watching to make sure no one gets too rough. I ask the owner if I can pet her dog and she allows me to. The dog is drinking it up like a happy puppy.)

Me: *petting the dog* “He’s so sweet! Is he a husky?”

Owner: *laughs* “Nope, he’s a gray wolf!”

(To this day, I still use “I once petted a wolf” for playing Two Truths and a Lie!)

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Make Him Green Or He’ll Be Blue

, , , , , | Related | August 20, 2019

(I run a face-painting booth at an annual fair for charity. Every year there seems to be a design that all the kids want; this year, it’s a certain spider-themed superhero. A mother has been waiting in line with her son, and it’s their turn.)

Mother: “He wants to be [Superhero].”

(She pushes him towards the chair. The kid sits down but looks quite unhappy, so I decide to check with him.)

Me: “Is that what you want?”

Kid: “Wannabegreen.”

Mother: *talking over him* “He wants to be [Superhero]!”

(He looks resigned, and I feel bad for him, so I ignore Mum and keep talking to him.)

Me: “Do you mean like [Famously Angry Green Superhero]?”

Kid: “No, I just wanna be green.”

Mother: “You can’t be green. He wants to be [Superhero], like the other kids. Tell her you want to be [Superhero].”

Me: “If he says he wants to be green, I’ll paint him green.”

Kid: “Green!”

Mother: *rolling her eyes* “Oh, fine, whatever!”

(She turned around and stalked off. I went with the kid’s request, and he was absolutely ecstatic… and very green.)

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