Your Bigotry Is Kilting Me

| Right | August 3, 2012

(I’m working at the entrance of a local heritage fair when a white pickup truck pulls up. The driver, a large middle-aged man, gets out and stomps towards my desk.)

Customer: *slams his hands on the table* “What the f*** do you Mexicans think you’re doing?”

Me: *confused* “Sir, we—”

Customer: “Look, I don’t want you d*** w******* here in the first place. I want you all back over the border where you belong!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave. You’re being very offensive, and this is—”

Customer: “But if you’re going to come to my godd*** country, you’re going to act like real Americans and not fly those f***ing Mexican flags and speak that s***-eating language, and you aren’t gonna celebrate being a bunch of f***ing foreigners!”

Me: “Security to entrance!”

Customer: *jumps back into his car and starts driving off* “Go back to Mexico!”

(The racist driver never returned. The heritage event in question, by the way, was the Scottish Highland Games.)

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A Few Knights Short Of A Round Table

, , , | Right | October 5, 2010

(I am a dressmaker who specializes in historical clothing. I have made several dresses to illustrate the evolution of fashion over the centuries. These dresses hang in the back of our stall, each labeled with the proper century.)

Customer: *rushes up and points to the 15th-century dress* “Oh, that’s my dress there!”

Me: “Yes, it’s beautiful, isn’t it? Would you like to try it?”

Customer: “I’d like to buy it. It’s exactly my dress.”

Me: “Your dress?”

Customer: “Yes. I had past-life regression last week. And I wore this dress while I was waltzing with King Arthur 500 years ago!”

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Got Brains?

, , , | Right | April 22, 2010

(I am offering free ‘Got Milk?’ samples at a state fair.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. Would you like to try some milk?”

Customer: “No way! I don’t drink that kind of milk!”

Me: “What do you mean, ‘That kind of milk’?”

(The customer points to my sign.)

Customer: “Goat milk!”

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