Intelligence Isn’t Going Through A Renaissance

| MD, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History

(We have a small bookstore at a renaissance festival, which tries to focus on history over fantasy. We carry books on making clothing, drying cloth, heraldry, medieval and renaissance recipes, blacksmithing, etc. These are two overheard customer comments that have never left us.)

Customer #1: *looking at books of names and heraldry* “I wonder if any of my relatives were alive during the Renaissance?”

(Passing by outside:)

Customer #2: “Oh, look, a bookstore! We should get Harold a book!”

Customer #3: “No, Harold already has a book…”

Makes You Want To Bury Your Head In The Sand

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m working a sand art booth at a fair that comes to my city every year. I had the sand set up in the front of the booth so the kids could see it and fill up their jar with whatever colors they like. A little boy that looks around 8 or 9 years old approaches my booth.)

Little Boy: “Excuse me, miss.”

Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

Little Boy: “What flavors are each of these?”

Me: “Um… it’s sand.”

(The little boy looks at me in confusion. After a few seconds he points to the purple container of sand.)

Little Boy: “So… is the purple grape flavored?”

Candle You Tell the Difference?

| MN, USA | Bizarre

(I have a booth at a local craft fair, and all my products are out. The craft fair is part of a much larger festival, so there are a lot of people walking around and looking. One woman, kid in tow, is walking past when her kid sees my stuff and calls her attention to it.)

Customer: “Oh, honey, I know what this is. It’s all that candle s***.”

(I do not, nor have I ever, made candles for sale, so none of what is displayed is a candle. Her kid is still pointing stuff out, so she apparently decides to teach them that Mommy knows best. She storms into my booth, where the following conversation happens:)

Customer: *smacks her hand on some of my products* “So, these are candles, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am, those are my small two-ounce lotions. They’re handmade and $2 each.”

Customer: *points to another product* “And what about those? Are those candles?”

Me: “No, ma’am, those are my wax melts, for wax burners. They’re also handmade and $3 each.”

Customer: *getting irritated as she fails to find candles in my booth* “Well, what about those? That’s those wickless candles, right?”

Me: “No, ma’am, those are my handmade soaps. They’re $4 each.”

Customer: *very irritated, to her kid* “See, it’s just all that candle s***!” *walks off*

The Memory Of A Goldfish Game

| Long Beach, NY, USA | Bizarre, Popular

(I am the customer in this one. I have gone to a weekend fair to get zeppolis for the family, and decide to walk back to the games to take a look around. I am the only non-worker there. I am wearing a Yankees hat and a ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ T-shirt.)

Red Star Game Guy: “Hey, you want to give it a try?”

Me: “No thanks, I’m good.”

Darts And Balloons Game Guy: “Hey, every play’s a winner!”

Me: “No thanks, I’m good.”

Basketball Game Guy: “Hey, you look like you could do—”

Me: “No thanks, I’m fine.”

Baseball Game Guy: “Hey, Yankee hat, wanna giv—”

Me: “No thanks, I’m fine.”

Goldfish Bowl Game Girl: “Hey, I like your pirates shirt!”

Me: “No thanks, I’m fine.”

Goldfish Bowl Game Girl: “I… said I liked your shirt.”

(Suffice to say, I immediately apologized… though I was laughed at by the goldfish girl and the nearby Squirt Gun game girl.)

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 11

| Oakland, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I overhear this exchange as I’m setting up my booth at a small craft fair that occurs monthly. An older woman approaches the artist, who is pregnant but not yet showing, in the booth next to me.)

Customer: “Do you have any more of those adorable t-shirts? I remember you had them last month at the holiday fair.”

Artist: “No, I’m afraid I don’t. I’m not doing any silk screening; I’m pregnant so I’m avoiding the chemicals.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s such a shame. Will you have the shirts next month?”

Artist: “…”

Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 10
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 9
Cause For Pregnant Pause, Part 8

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