Looks Like Those Friends Didn’t Work Out

, , , , | Working | March 11, 2018

(I apply as a forklift operator — a job for which I have years of experience and several certifications — for a three-month job. The company likes my resume and sends me to a one-week, unpaid training course. At the end of the week, I am told that I performed pretty well, and I’ll be called on the following Monday to know when I will begin to work. Monday comes and passes by, and no call. I call the company on Tuesday just to hear that, “Sadly,” because of some lame excuse, I have not been hired. Two weeks later, the same company calls me and asks me if I am still available, as there is an opening for the remaining two-and-a-half months. Still unemployed, I gladly accept… only to be called a day after and be told, again, that because of another lame excuse, I wasn’t hired. After talking around, I’m told the managers of the company are prone to hire “friends” and “friends of friends,” even if they’re under-skilled, so I drop every expectation with this company and move on. Two months later, I have another job that I’m quite satisfied with, when the phone rings.)

Employee #1: “Hello, I’m [Employee #1] from [Company]. There is an opening, so you will begin tomorrow for a two-week contract.”

Me: “Sorry, but I’m not available anymore. Thank you, anyway, for the call, and have a nice day.”

Employee #1: “Ah… Okay… Have a nice day.”

(The next day, the phone rings again:)

Employee #2: “Hello, I’m [Employee #2] from [Company]. I know you already spoke with my coworker yesterday, but we really need you. We are still in the final production rush and we can’t find enough personnel.”

Me: “I’m afraid I’m not available.”

Employee #2: “Please? You already made the training, and you have the needed certifications. We really are short on employees!”

Me: “Again, I have a new job, and I surely won’t quit for a two-week contract. Please do not contact me again.”

(They tried to call me another two times, but I simply dropped their calls until they stopped trying. Seriously, we are still in an economic crisis and many people still strive to find a job, but do they really expect someone to be sitting on his butt for two months waiting for a vague “maybe in the future,” or even willing to quit a better job for a two-week contract?)

Super-Starving For Attention

, , , , | Working | March 9, 2018

(I’m a woman in electronic manufacturing, working with almost all men, and we share a pretty relaxed environment. While working, I accidentally drop a metal piece with a loud clang.)

Coworker #1: “You okay over there?”

Me: “Oh, I’m fine. Thanks.”

Coworker #2: “Not feeling like you’re getting enough attention, or something?”

Me: *deadpan* “Nah, I’m wearing new earrings and felt like everyone should come look. I’m feeling pretty superstar.”

Coworker #1: “Oh, I understand. I feel that way when I’m wearing new earrings, too.”

Coworker #2: “I feel pretty superstar every time I wear pants out of the house!”

Showing Them Their Bad Form

, , , , , | Right | December 5, 2017

(I work in a chemical factory. I am talking over the phone finalizing shipment details with a client, who plans to ship produce to the United States.)

Me: “You also need to fill out [Form A]. If it isn’t present, your shipment will be stopped by customs and not allowed into the country.”

Customer: “Yeah, okay.”

Me: “Sir, [Form A] is important. Do not forget it.”

Customer: “Yeah, yeah. [Form A]. Got it.”

(Fast forward two weeks: the customer is on the phone and livid.)

Customer: “MY THINGS ARE STUCK AT CUSTOMS AND IT’S YOUR FAULT. I DIDN’T KNOW THEY NEEDED [FORM A]!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m certain that my agent told you about it.”

Customer: “NO, HE DID NOT! I WOULD REMEMBER! I WAS NOT TOLD!”

Manager: “Sir, yes, you were. Our calls are all recorded. Would you like to listen to yours?”

Customer: “YES, I F****** WOULD! YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!”

Manager: “Please wait a second.”

([Manager] patches a recording into the phone call and customer is listening. [Form A] comes up and after two seconds the customer simply hangs up. [Manager] then calls the customer back.)

Manager: *in a sweet and polite voice* “I’m so sorry, but the line died unexpectedly. Would you like to listen to it again?”

Customer: *click*

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They Slipped On The Gauges

, , , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(I work in quality control. Part of my role is to manage the calibrated equipment we need to measure the parts we make. Some of it can be shockingly expensive due to how accurate it is; add to this the cost of having it calibrated every year by a laboratory and the cost can really stack up. When someone from maintenance maintenance needs to borrow a set of slip gauges, small metal blocks, I am reluctant, but my boss overrides me and makes me give them to him. I am still worried, so I chase him up at the end of the day.)

Me: “Hey, have you finished with those slip gauges?”

Maintenance: “What? No, we’re still using them.”

Me: “Well, when will you finish with them? I need to make sure they get returned.”

Maintenance: “I don’t know, a week or two.”

Me: “What? We need them in inspection. Why do you need them for so long?”

Maintenance: “They’re keeping the machine level!”

(I made him show me; he had wedged several of the slips under a tonne of machinery. These little blocks cost between £30 and £120 each and are only ever supposed to be handled with gloves. He and my boss both got reprimanded, and the site had to buy them all again, and then pay again for calibration.)

It Only Takes One Iceberg…

, , , | Working | October 13, 2017

(My job involves safety training for the employees, but most people in the company see it as a waste of resources. I’ve had to come up with very strong arguments against their attitude.)

Coworker #1: “I have to go to [Industrial Plant with very strict safety rules] next month.”

Me: “You’ll need an escape mask. Before you go, remind me to show you how to use it.”

Coworker #2: “Isn’t it excessive? She’s only staying one day!”

Me: “And the Titanic only made one cruise…”

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