Throwing Out Or Throwing Up?

, , , , | Working | September 17, 2018

(The cat food production line has started to reek, so when I have some downtime, I go through and find out that line workers have been just putting open, rotting, maggot-infested boxes of cat food under tables, maybe to hide them. I get a bin and some gloves and start throwing the opened and contaminated stuff into the bins. A new guy walks up to me.)

New Guy: “Are you just throwing those out?”

Me: “Yep.”

New Guy: “Can we take them?”

Me: *looking horrified* “What?!”

New Guy: “Well, if the company is throwing them out, can we take them?”

Me: “You don’t want them! Do you smell that? Do you see the things moving?”

New Guy: “Well, some look okay.”

Me: “They are contaminated. I’m throwing them into a special large trash can, which is locked… and now I know why.”

Don’t Quit What You’re Doing

, , , , | Working | August 21, 2018

(It’s my second day of working a new job as quality assurance. I was warned that production hates quality assurance people because the job is to find the mistakes and make people do things all over again. I’m very friendly, easy going, and sarcastic, and it doesn’t hurt that I’m a woman who is 110 pounds soaking wet, so I don’t look scary. On my first day, I make friends with 90% of production. No one is getting mad at me for sending things back. On day two, this happens. I walk up to the line. [Coworker #1] on my right is putting product in boxes. [Coworker #2] on my left is moving the boxes to a shrink wrapper.)

Me: “All right, guys, I’m here to ruin your day.”

Coworker #2: “F*** this s***! I’m out!” *walks away*

Me: “Woah.”

Coworker #1: “Where is he going?”

Me: “I don’t know. He literally just said, ‘F this S. I’m out,’ and now he’s out. What did I do?”

Coworker #1: “Nothing. He’s just lazy.”

Me: “All he had to do was push a thing into another thing!”

Coworker #1: “Yep.”

(I was still freaked out that my little joke made him quit for about three minutes, until I heard someone won the pool on when that guy would quit.)

Warming Up Those Blue Collars

, , , , , , | | Working | June 4, 2018

(I work in a factory, but mainly in the office. In other words, I’m what you would call a “white-collar worker.” Every now and then, as part of my job, I have to visit the production area.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], meet [New Hire]. He’s new here, and you’ll be seeing a lot of him.”

New Hire: “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I would shake your hand, but unfortunately, I’m all dirty right now.”

Me: “Really? Oh, no, buddy, that won’t do. I don’t believe in that kind of thinking.”

(I shake his hand, anyway, and even go in for a “bro-hug.” When I remove myself from him, both my hand and shirt are covered in dust.)

Me: “I don’t believe in office politics. Us suit-wearing stiffs aren’t nearly as important as you think. We’re all on the same team here, and I’m rooting for you.”

(Treat blue-collar workers with respect, people! Their job is just as, if not more important.)

A Total Lefty

, , , , , | | Working | May 19, 2018

(I slip at work and nearly fall, leaving me in a weird posture against a machine.)

Supervisor: “Are you all right?”

Me: *looking at my feet* “I’m not sure; I think they’re both lefts.”

Use Your Ears And Your Eyes

, , , , | Working | May 2, 2018

(I work in a factory in the Netherlands, with a lot of immigrants. Some of them still struggle with speaking Dutch, but they really try to learn, and encourage everyone to talk to them in Dutch. I have a young colleague from Morocco, but born in the Netherlands, who always likes to mess around. He asks one of the immigrants to pass him something from across the assembly table. Upon receiving it, he suddenly points at his nose and yells, “Nose!” Cue laughter from the whole table for the random act. The Moroccan dude just smiles. Later, he asks the guy to pass him something else. This time he points at his eyes and yells, “Eyes!”)

Me: “Dude… What are you doing?”

Coworker: “They want to learn Dutch, right? I’m helping them! This way they remember!”

(So, for the rest of the day, he shouted more body parts at random, pointing at each part with every word. In the end of the day, he quizzed the immigrant guy by just pointing at the body parts and sure enough, this guy blurted out all the right words.)

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