When Higher-Ups Make Sky-High Decisions Without Seeing The Floor

, , , , , | Working | September 29, 2019

Years ago, I worked at a company that made computerized equipment. They had a machine shop, and I got to know the machinists slightly. These guys could make anything, and did, saving the company the need and expense of dealing with outside shops for this work. The shop charged the work they did to the projects it was for. When the shop was idle, time was charged to an overhead account.  

When the bean counters got hold of the books, they decided the overhead account was wasted money and should be eliminated. So, the policy was changed: all machinist time had to be charged to project. 

Suddenly, the price of a bracket (or whatever) went from a realistic figure to something outrageous if the shop was otherwise idle that week. The project managers, who had limited budgets, went through the roof. To “save” money, they started contracting their parts outside machine shop. Now money was flowing out of the company.  

Soon the machine shop was shut down and the machines sold off. What a cost savings!

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Porn Is No Joke

, , , , , , , | Working | September 23, 2019

This happened about five years ago when I worked as an IT technician in a factory. I was an infrastructure technician and I had a colleague — we’ll call him J — who, like me, had a weird sense of humour. J told me that the following happened to him one day. 

At the time, we had two wireless networks; one was our corporate network, and only for laptops, barcode scanners, and company mobile phones. The other was technically only for visitors, but employees tended to connect their personal mobile phones to it. 

Our visitor network was only available in certain parts of our two factories. However, someone had managed to find the Wi-Fi code for the corporate network, so quite a few people connected their personal mobile phones to it. Our SysAdmin had to block these devices because they took up valuable IP addresses that were needed for devices like handheld barcode scanners.

One day, J went round to the stores to look at a printer that wasn’t working. He fixed it and got chatting with the stores guys. One of the younger guys asked J why he had suddenly lost connection to the corporate Wi-Fi. J, completely deadpan said, “Yeah, we had to block personal devices because we discovered that some people were using the corporate network to look at pornography on their mobile phones.” Defensively, the storeman replied, “I only did that once!”

J went very quiet, looked the storeman in the eye, and said, “I was only joking!” The storeman blushed bright red, and said, “Oh, so was I!”

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It’s Only Good Advice When It Applies To Others

, , , , , , | Working | August 8, 2019

(I work as a mechanical engineer in a quite noisy factory; as such, we’re required to wear ear protection when on the shop floor, but not in the enclosed workshop areas where I work. On this particular day, I’ve spent the better part of five hours straightening a stack of steel plates that came in slightly bent due to a mistake in the drawing not specifying they needed to be pretty much flat. I’m overheating, my arm is sore from all the hammering, and despite my ear defenders the noise is really loud and beginning to get to me, but the job needs doing so I’m doing it. Working in the workshop next door is one of the maintenance managers, a grumpy, unpleasant person slightly past middle age — the kind of person that regularly comes out with statements beginning with, “I’m not racist, but—” or, “these f****** [group of people],” so naturally I’ve grown quite a dislike for him over the years. Having had enough of the noise, the grumpy manager storms in.)

Grumpy Manager: “Do you have to do that?”

Me: “If you actually want the job done, yeah.”

Grumpy Manager: “Can’t you do it at [work bench on the shop floor]?”

Me: “Not without pissing off a bunch of machine operators, no.”

Grumpy Manager: “Oh, just tell them to put their earplugs in properly if anyone complains.”

Me: *in an oblivious tone* “So, if someone complains I should just tell them to put their earplugs in?”

Grumpy Manager: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, put your earplugs in.” *puts ear defenders back on and goes back to work*

(Out of the corner of my eye I saw him go an odd shade of red, begin to gesture wildly, and step towards me before he noticed my direct manager — a man I get along with well and who also dislikes the grumpy manager — on the other side of the workshop keeled over with laughter, and decided not to make an idiot of himself any further.)

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Been Waiting For 25 Years To Say That

, , , , , | Friendly | July 19, 2019

I’ve recently gotten a job at a motor factory in the connecting department. Both connectors I work with are originally from Vietnam, and both are old enough to be my parents.

The woman and I talk quite a bit, as it’s easier for me to get physically get close enough for us to hear each other over the noise while still working, and one day she says, “You just look so familiar to me, and I don’t know why.”

I honestly can’t think why I would look familiar to her. I ask if she frequented a job I had at a convenience store for nearly ten years, but she hadn’t. We can’t think of any other reason and just shrug it off.

After a few weeks, we’re talking about music, and I mention that I took piano lessons for ten years, and that I ended up quitting lessons because I hated the recitals. She is mostly impressed that I kept with the lessons for so long, and she tells me about her oldest daughter who tried to take lessons for a few years but just never got into it.

I mention the music school I used to attend for private lessons and she actually pauses in what she’s doing to look at me again and she says, “You’re the little girl from [Music School]! You used to sit with me in the waiting room; my daughter had lessons with [Teacher] before you!”

Over 25 years later, and she still remembered me as “the little girl who sat in the waiting room with her.”

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Doesn’t Take A Rocket Scientist To Get Rid Of Him

, , , , , , | Working | June 27, 2019

(I work at a company that makes big rockets — the kind that put satellites into orbit. One of my coworkers, a slacker, drops a large wrench onto one, damaging it so badly it is scrapped. Cost: $6,000,000. He is given a month’s unpaid suspension as punishment, but the union argues “poor training,” resulting in full back pay. A year later, he leaves the building while pressurizing another, more complete rocket. A bulkhead collapses, resulting in a second scrapping. Cost this time: $12,000,000! This time the company finds a way to get rid of him. They call him to HR, along with his union steward.)

HR: “I’d like you to read through your original employment application, and tell me if there are any errors.”

Slacker: “Uh, no, it looks fine.”

HR: “Okay, just to be sure, you didn’t make any mistakes filling it out?”

Slacker: “No, everything is accurate.”

HR: “Thank you. You’re fired. It seems you lied about a felony conviction.”

Slacker: *looks pleadingly at union steward*

Union Steward: *shrugs*

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