I was a writer working in an industrial shop. Every day at break, everyone would sit in the break room and work on the crossword… as a team. They’d save the weird ones for me, until one day…

Them: “Four-letter word, third letter is N, means ‘preference’.”

Me: *Casually walking to the microwave* “Kink.”

You could’ve heard a pin drop.

Me: *Laughs* “Guys, I’m an English major.”

And they somehow took that to mean that I didn’t also have other ways of knowing that word.

I’ve only ever had one job I hated. The management there were a**holes. Part of my job was to make wiring looms for an electronic device. This is just one example of why I hated it so much.  

I was making a loom when one of the managers came over and looked at it. He then called the rest of the staff in the room over to announce:

Manager: “[My Name] can’t even make a loom properly. Look at that connector. It’ll fall off the moment you touch it!”

He then proceeded to demonstrate how bad the connector was by pulling it. Nothing happened. The connector stayed firm. He pulled it even harder. Still, nothing happened. He picked up a pair of pliers and yanked at the connector. Said connector stayed put. With all his might, he pulled at it one last time, mangling the connector… but the connection was still solid on the wire.  

Manager: “Well, it’s broken now anyway, so you’ll have to redo it.” *Walks away*

A few months after I left, I bumped into someone else who’d worked there while I did but had also left. He told me that after I’d left, they’d had to employ two people to do my job. I pass by their old premises on occasion and never fail to smile knowing that the company no longer exists.

I’ve posted before about my job as a quality assurance supervisor at this poultry plant. I have since been promoted to chemical technician — a much faster, more difficult job. I’m responsible for ensuring that tools are cleaned with actual chemicals, not just water, ensuring our product is cleaned and safe from salmonella, etc.

Our annual quality audit has been going on at the plant for the past few days, and as such, an auditor has followed almost everyone from Q.A. at one point or another. Today, the last day of the audit, the auditor, four supervisors, and the plant manager are walking the floor. 

I’ve been dealing with a major problem half the night, all while still taking all my samples and getting my tests run. I’m speed-walking my way through my route to grab samples as fast as possible, so I can get back to troubleshooting my problem. Suddenly, I’m caught in front of the herd of management that is the audit. 

Auditor: “Hey, you, come here real quick.”

Me: *Resigned* “Yes, sir?”

[QA Supervisor #1] sees my rushed, exhausted look.

QA Supervisor #1: “What’s going on?”

Me: “The water purifying system is acting erratic: losing chemicals and then having too much, up and down. I’m trying to figure that out, and I’ve got ten minutes to get these samples back and tested. “

Auditor: “Perfect. We can follow you so I can watch.”

QA Supervisor #2: “You don’t want to do that.”

Auditor: “Why?”

QA Supervisor #1: *To me* “Go get it done.”

QA Supervisor #2: *To [Auditor]* “You try following him.”

I take off, weaving through the crowd of workers as I’m used to, leaving them in the dust. 

My supervisor told me that after I left, [Auditor] watched and had one thing to say. 

Auditor: “Never mind…”

Related:
Quality Quality Assurance

I am a manager at a paper recycling plant. One of our positions is described as “paper shredder”. We receive boxes of papers that need to be fed through a shredder due to containing information that must be destroyed before the papers can be recycled. The shredder’s job starts at 9:00 am and ends at 5:00 pm, or when their load is done. Which days they work are not fixed; they only schedule their day off.

We hire a guy on a “supported employment” system; they help people with physical disabilities or mental deviations get hired by paying their wages for a “trial period” of so many hours and then meeting with the superiors to decide whether a hire is accepted properly.

[New Hire] is a friendly worker who happens to be on the autism spectrum, and he quickly proves himself a swift worker.

One day, we get the biggest load since [New Hire] joined, and I let him know as such. 

Me: “This one’s probably gonna take you the whole day and some of tomorrow.”

New Hire: “Bet you I can get through the whole thing before lunch.”

Me: *Laughs* “[New Hire], if you get through the whole thing before lunch, I will let you go home and mark you down for the whole day.”

Our workplace does not have a computerized clock-in at the time of this story.

New Hire: “You’re on. And if I can’t, then I’ll get everyone donuts while I grab lunch.”

Me: “Deal.”

We shake on it, and [New Hire] gets to work.

Two and a half hours later, [New Hire] asks if we have bandages; he’s done the workload, at the expense of several paper cuts. After directing him to the first aid kit, I check his work station. The bins are empty, the shredder is not damaged, the pile behind the shredder has been raked aside to avoid being caught back in the gears, and there’s a small pile of paper clips in the trash bin. Not only did he get it done, but he got it done without cutting corners.

I own up to my side of the deal, sending him off with the name of a store that sells gloves ideal for handling paper in (to avoid further paper-cut-riddled clockouts) and marking down on his time sheet for the max shift length.

Fast forward to the end of [New Hire]’s trial period. A representative from the supported employment company comes in with [New Hire]. She gives me a questionnaire to assess [New Hire]’s performance, mostly statements with agree/disagree ratings. [Representative] has me read them aloud to make sure I’m not misinterpreting anything, and we reach this item.

Questionnaire: “Worker completes their assigned tasks within the alotted time.”

[New Hire] and I traded looks and both started laughing while I marked the statement as “Strongly Agree”.

Unfortunately, while my company and I were eager to take on [New Hire] full-time, a certain health crisis reached Canada shortly thereafter, and [New Hire] was let go for safety reasons. Contacting him after things recovered to offer him his position back was, sadly, not an option. Wherever he is now, I hope he’s working just as swiftly as he did then, for an employer who’ll reward him for his effort and efficiency.

After getting hired at a distribution center for a furniture company, I quickly meet a coworker whom I’ve dubbed “Safety Knife”.

The Initial Incident:

Safety Knife: *Holding his hand* “Hey, boss, I need a bandaid.”

Supervisor #1: *Pointing a thumb at the first aid kit* “They’re right there, buddy.”

Safety Knife: “Can you help me with it?” *Shows his badly cut hand*

Supervisor #1: “Whoa! What did you do?”

Safety Knife: “I was using this hand to hold a box steady while opening it, and my knife slipped. I guess I didn’t move my hand out of the way in time.”

Supervisor #1: *Dumbfounded* “Let’s… get that fixed up and get you to Human Resources.”

He was sent home and everyone had a knife safety course.

The Second Incident:

I am working on paperwork in the elevated hub when I hear the sound of stone shattering. I look up to see Safety Knife holding a dolly, jumping around a broken stonetop dresser.

Safety Knife: “This stupid thing doesn’t work!”

Supervisor #2: “What were you doing?! You’re not supposed to use that to move open dressers!”

Safety Knife: “It’s not me; it’s the thing!” *Lifts up and shakes the dolly* “See? It’s broken!”

Supervisor #2: “It’s broken because you used it wrong!”

The Third Incident:

I’ve joined the safety committee and am coming back from a meeting with [Supervisor #1].

Supervisor #3: *Grumbling* “[Supervisor #1], you can’t go to any more meetings.”

Supervisor #1: “Why not?”

Supervisor #3: “[Safety Knife] cut himself again while you were at the meeting.”

Supervisor #1: “With a safety knife?”

Supervisor #3: “Yes, he put his other hand in the way of the cut again.”

Supervisor #1: “I want to see how that kid uses a knife. These knives are impossible to cut yourself with.”

Safety Knife is sent home, and we have yet another round of knife safety courses.

Fourth Incident:

There has been a squeaky noise all morning.

Me: “Hey, [Boss]? What’s that squeaky noise?”

Boss: “That sounds like one of the trash hoppers; they squeak when they get picked up.”

[Boss] stands up to see if she’s right, and her face turns red.

Boss: “[Safety Knife]! What are you doing?!”

Safety Knife: “Compacting the trash like you told me to!”

He jumps on the trash in the hopper once more.

Boss: “I told you to break down the boxes, not use the hopper as a trampoline!”

Amazingly, he was fired… for attendance issues.