Warming Up Those Blue Collars

, , , , , | Working | June 4, 2018

(I work in a factory, but mainly in the office. In other words, I’m what you would call a “white-collar worker.” Every now and then, as part of my job, I have to visit the production area.)

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], meet [New Hire]. He’s new here, and you’ll be seeing a lot of him.”

New Hire: “Hi, it’s nice to meet you. I would shake your hand, but unfortunately, I’m all dirty right now.”

Me: “Really? Oh, no, buddy, that won’t do. I don’t believe in that kind of thinking.”

(I shake his hand, anyway, and even go in for a “bro-hug.” When I remove myself from him, both my hand and shirt are covered in dust.)

Me: “I don’t believe in office politics. Us suit-wearing stiffs aren’t nearly as important as you think. We’re all on the same team here, and I’m rooting for you.”

(Treat blue-collar workers with respect, people! Their job is just as, if not more important.)

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When Working Isn’t Working

, , , | Working | May 29, 2018

(Our company needs a few more hands, and we hire some new workers who have left their CV with us. We take care of all the paperwork, have a specialised doctor visit them, take their measurements, hand out working clothes and PPE, arrange a 12-hour safety course, take their pictures, and obtain access badges for the shipyard. The process takes about a week. Finally, they’re all set for their first day of actual work. Right before lunch break, one of them is back in the office, in civvies, with his working clothes in a bundle under his arm. He drops it on a bench.)

Worker: “I realised I’m not cut out for this job.”

(He just turned and leaved. My colleague screamed.)

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A Total Lefty

, , , , , | Working | May 19, 2018

(I slip at work and nearly fall, leaving me in a weird posture against a machine.)

Supervisor: “Are you all right?”

Me: *looking at my feet* “I’m not sure; I think they’re both lefts.”

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Use Your Ears And Your Eyes

, , , , | Working | May 2, 2018

(I work in a factory in the Netherlands, with a lot of immigrants. Some of them still struggle with speaking Dutch, but they really try to learn, and encourage everyone to talk to them in Dutch. I have a young colleague from Morocco, but born in the Netherlands, who always likes to mess around. He asks one of the immigrants to pass him something from across the assembly table. Upon receiving it, he suddenly points at his nose and yells, “Nose!” Cue laughter from the whole table for the random act. The Moroccan dude just smiles. Later, he asks the guy to pass him something else. This time he points at his eyes and yells, “Eyes!”)

Me: “Dude… What are you doing?”

Coworker: “They want to learn Dutch, right? I’m helping them! This way they remember!”

(So, for the rest of the day, he shouted more body parts at random, pointing at each part with every word. In the end of the day, he quizzed the immigrant guy by just pointing at the body parts and sure enough, this guy blurted out all the right words.)

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Manager Can’t Take The Heat

, , , , | Working | April 5, 2018

(While the company I work for used to have a great reputation, it’s gone steadily downhill in the past decade, resulting in downsizing and lots of the original employees leaving for better jobs. I work maintenance, and my new manager has good intentions but is known for making bad decisions and being a bit of an idiot. The following takes place while I’m in the middle of fixing a breakdown:)

Manager: “[My Name], I need you to come take a look at this.”

Me: “Can it wait a minute? I’m in the middle of a job.”

Manager: “It’ll be okay; I need this looked at.”

(We proceed to the other end of the factory and he points out a machine.)

Manager: “Feel that?”

Me: *touches the machine* “Yeah?”

Manager: “It shouldn’t be getting that hot; it must be overheating or something.”

Me: “[Manager], it’s an oven.”

Manager: “Oh… Okay…” *walks off, leaving me leaning on the machine*

(As much as I’d like to say this was a rare occurrence, it was not the first time he interrupted production for some idiotic reason, and I doubt it’ll be the last.)

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