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The Signature Method For Getting A Signature

| Working | April 8, 2014

(My boss is known for having the most horrid personality, while thinking that everybody in the field is like him: swearing, shouting, and quite offensive. We get close to the day to make the yearly inventory.)

Boss: “[My Name], take this document and ask [Higher-Up] to sign this inventory adjustment document.”

Me: “Okay.”

Boss: “Just make sure to tell him what this is. If he asks how much it will fix, tell him $10K. If you have trouble call me, and be super respectful and restrictive of your comments. He normally gets angry when I ask for stuff like this.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I go and get the signatures fairly quickly, with no troubles whatsoever, just being like I normally am. I come back way before what he was expecting me to.)

Boss: *sighs* “What did he say?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Boss: *making confused face* “Did you get the signature?”

Me: “Yes.”

Boss: “Wait, you got it in one go? No issues at all?”

Me: “Yes.”

Boss: “How did you do that!?”

Me: “Oh that’s easy.” *I get closer* “I was being KIIIIIND.”

Required Training, Make No Mistake About It

, , | Working | April 7, 2014

(Where I work there has been a number of very stupid mistakes. Because there is no way of telling who did it, everyone has to get re-trained.)

Me: “So to make absolutely clear, the GREEN end must be able to fit in the hole, the RED end should not be able to fit in the hole.”

(Sighs come from the room.)

Me: “And please do not ram it, screw it, or force it in. This is a calibrated instrument.”

(More sighs come from the group, I see Worker #1 not even looking at me.)

Worker #1: “This is stupid. I know how to do my job.”

Me: “Look. I know this is obvious but some of you are just not getting it.”

Worker #2: “Who?”

Me: “I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. I know just how stupidly obvious this is. But training means that everyone knows how to do their job.”

(I find out later that it was Worker #1, the person moaning and complaining the most, that was making the most mistakes. After declaring that he ‘didn’t see the point’ in doing his job correctly, he was demoted and later removed.)

Chances Of Keeping The Job Are Minute

| Working | December 7, 2013

(At the factory where I work, we run eight-hour-shifts, 24 hours a day. We tend to come in ten minutes early on our shifts so the previous shift’s colleagues can ‘hand over’ the shift, along with any points of attention. It is 2 pm, which is the starting time of the shift. In my area, I work with one other colleague. At 2 pm on the dot, I finally see him coming to the room where we work. I approach him.)

Me: “Why do you keep coming in just past 2 pm? We should be here at 1:50.”

Colleague: “They only pay us from 2 pm on, so there’s no need for that.”

Me: “Then why are you leaving at 9:50? They pay you until 10 pm as well you know.”

Colleague: “Well, the colleagues from the next shift are already there then, aren’t they? So there’s no sense in sticking around until that time.”

Me: “So you don’t want to come here 10 minutes early but you expect them to be here?”

Colleague: “Yeah.”

Me: “That is wrong on so many levels…”

(Strangely enough, he didn’t get his temporary contract extended!)

Can’t Stand To Just Stand Around

| Working | June 17, 2013

(My boyfriend works for a factory that assembles farming machines. They’re near bankruptcy and don’t get a lot of orders anymore. One day, my boyfriend goes to the office.)

My Boyfriend: “It’s been weeks—no, months—since I’ve had anything real to do. God forbid if I can tighten a screw once in half an hour. Can you please give me something to do?”

Supervisor: “What? You got your own job to do, right? Why don’t you do it?”

My Boyfriend: “No, if I had something to do I wasn’t complaining. No orders are coming in, no machines are being made, so I’m just standing there.”

Supervisor: “So go on, stand there!”

My Boyfriend: “Can’t I help out at another hall? Or let me to cafeteria duty? Or heck, let me please clean the toilets with a toothbrush! Just give me something to do!”

Supervisor: “No, you can’t leave your station. You’re supposed to stand there, and that’s it.”

My Boyfriend: “So, all I get to do is stand at my station?”

Supervisor: “Yes!”

My Boyfriend: “While there is absolutely no work to be done there?”

Supervisor: “Yes!”

My Boyfriend: “Can I at least sweep the hall or something?”

Supervisor: “No, that’s not your job. You are supposed to stay at your station, like I told you!”

My Boyfriend: “So… all I get do to is stand, breathe, and do nothing, for six hours straight?”

Supervisor: “Yes!”

Those Poor Monks

| Working | March 26, 2013

(We have a new employee at our department. My veteran coworker is instructing him.)

Coworker: “Okay, now this is a bit you need to do very calmly.”

New Employee: “You don’t need to tell me anything about calm! I’ve spent three months with monks in Tibet!”

(Later, I’m having a chat with the new guy.)

New Employee: “So, why are you working part time?”

Me: “I have a mental condition. I’d rather not go into detail about it.”

New Employee: “Well, if you need to talk about it, you can come to me.”

Me: “Why, are you a psychiatrist?”

New Employee: “No, but I spent three months with monks in Tibet!”

(After two weeks, he was fired for not following instructions.)