Take The Train(ing)

, , , , | Working | March 1, 2021

I am moving departments and have to hand over my responsibilities to a new starter. I don’t have long and I’ve had it bite me in the a** before so I am super careful of how I do it.

After three attempts to arrange a meeting, the new starter shows up and tells me he already knows what the job entails. I give him a tour of the department; he barely acknowledges his surroundings. 

I set up another session in the office to go through the job in detail. I ask him if he needs training on any of the software. “No.” Showing how to make the monthly presentations. “No.” Anything he needs to know. “No.” He insists that he already knows what to do and rolls his eyes.

Fair enough. I wish him the best of luck and tell him that I will be contactable for the next three weeks.

A few months later, I bump into my old boss and ask how things are going,

Boss: “Your replacement is still finding his feet.”

Me: “Oh, really? Anything I can help with?”

Boss: “Well, could you show him how to create the monthly reports.”

Me: “I did try. He refused.”

Boss: “Oh, that’s not what he said.”

Me: “Yeah, tried several times. I’ve got it all on email and calendar invites. He refused everything: the presentation, the software, the reporting tools… I’ve not had any requests for help despite offering.”

Boss: “Do you have those emails still?”

Me: “Of course.”

I sent it all over to him. It turns out that anything the new guy got wrong or couldn’t do, he just blamed me. He just assumed that he could pick everything up and just change everything that he didn’t want to do his way. Some of the work I used to do was business-critical and HAD to be done that way for several other departments to do their job. He just stopped doing it. He didn’t last long and left a few months later.

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F*** You, I Got Mine

, , , , | Legal | February 27, 2021

My old machining lecturer used to work at a machine shop/factory as a machinist. They would work large blocks of aluminum down to saleable parts.

The factory manager would give them a bonus but take off money for every part in their scrap bin.

My lecturer was good but never got the full bonus, unlike his coworker. 

[Coworker] always got the full bonus, even with the new, difficult jobs. The funny thing was that [Coworker] didn’t even have any experience, and to talk to him, he seemed utterly clueless; the guys didn’t like him much.

That was, until the police turned up and took [Coworker] away. It turned out that when [Coworker] made a mistake, he cut a bit off at a time until the massive block of metal turned into dust and chips. 

He cost the company thousands to get a bonus of £50.

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Show Your Employees What They Mean To You

, , , , , | Working | February 18, 2021

It’s the summer of 2005 and I have been at my job for ten years. Three other guys and I rotate twenty-four-seven, immediately supervising six engineers maintaining machinery within a factory. In addition, when no senior management are on site — weekends and nights — we are regarded as the senior people. I am happy in my job, and I know I am well respected by all in the factory for what I do. We all report directly to the engineering manager, [Boss].

I go into work for my first night shift after some rostered time off, to handover from my colleague [Coworker], who is also a good friend. He seems happy and quite excited.

Me: “Hi, [Coworker], you’re looking in fine form. I assume you’re looking forward to some time off?”

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], I am. But I also have some great news. I’m starting next month as engineering manager. Big jump in pay. No more shift work. Weekends to myself.”

Me: “That is excellent news. Where are you moving to?”

I am genuinely pleased for him as I was considering a similar career move, also.

Coworker: *Looking a bit bewildered* “I’m staying here. [Boss] has created a new position as he’s getting more group responsibility, and he offered me the job.”

Me: “Well, congratulations, anyway.”

We finish the handover and I wish him well once more. As the night shift wears on, I become more and more annoyed that I was not given the opportunity to apply for the job also. I hold no grudge against [Coworker] at all but am seriously pissed off. The next opportunity, when I am in on a day shift, I go to [Boss] to explain how I feel.

Boss: “Hi, [My Name]. I know that both you and [Coworker] would be ideal for the position, but you are so good at what you do that I cannot afford to lose you from the shift pattern.”

Me: *Baffled* “So, [Boss], you’re saying that I have no chance to advance my career from my current position because I’m so good at what I do?”

Boss: “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

Me: “If that’s the case, how about a pay rise to reflect how important you feel I am to the company?”

Boss: “Well, ordinarily, that might be easy to do. The problem I have is that there is no more budget for rises as the money has gone to the salary for [Coworker]’s new position.”

[Boss] could not understand why I was so disappointed as he thought I was so happy in my job. The next time I saw [Boss] was to hand in my months’ notice. He seemed genuinely surprised that I was leaving and asked what he could do to make me stay. I suggested giving me the job that he had given [Coworker] or a pay rise. He could do neither.

I left four weeks later and took a very similar job to [Coworker]’s but for £5,000 per year more. Today marks fifteen years in my present job, where my career has moved onward considerably, and I now hold a very responsible position in a company that has a Europe-wide presence and still have a huge amount of respect from everyone here for the work that I do.

The irony is that, had I been given the opportunity to interview for the position in 2005, and not gotten the job, I almost certainly would have stayed for another couple of years at least.

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Death Of A Sale(sman), Part 2

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2021

I manage security for an aeronautic electronics plant. My position is at the front visitor’s desk and main phone line.

Caller: “Put me through to the plant manager.”

Me: “I will put you through to the admin assistant.”

Caller:No. You will put me through to the manager, now!”

Me: *Click*

Caller: *Calls back* “Give me your supervisor, immediately!”

Me: “No.” *Click*

Caller: *Calls back* “Listen. Give me corporate’s number, now, and you will put me through to the plant manager!”

Me: “Fat chance.” *Click*

Caller: *Calls back, sounding very defeated* “Listen. I need to speak to the plant manager. It is very important. Why are you being so belligerent?”

Me: “Because, one, if it or you were important, you would already have his extension number and name, and two, even if you had misplaced them, you would have no problem taking an extra step and two minutes to go through the proper channels by going through the admin assistant. Now, would you like the admin assistant?”

Caller: *Completely broken* “Yes, please.”

Death Of A Sale(sman)

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What Happens In The Factory Stays In The Factory

, , , , | Right | January 31, 2021

We send out tyre fitters to work on a heavy plant. I have to collate their reports and send out to customers for invoicing. Sometimes I have to be a little… creative when interpreting what they write down.

A report comes in:

Report: “Once fitted, tighten nuts and run round yard.”

As soon as I finished snorting I rewrote it for the customer as, “Once fitted, tighten wheel nuts and run machine.”

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