[Coworker #1] is a bit deaf but won’t admit it. Everyone else is wrong, whispering, or “doesn’t know how to talk properly.” It’s not really a problem, but it can be a nightmare if you have to work with him, as you end up having to yell the whole time. Ironically, he can’t hear the background noise so he doesn’t talk nearly loud enough.

Management has offered him free hearing tests, and he would qualify for free hearing aids, but they can’t force him.

One day, I get to work, arriving late after a booked appointment.

Me: “What’s everyone doing outside?”

Coworker #2: “Fire. Sounds like a small one, but we’ve been evacuated.”

Me: “Okay. I’d better let them know I’m here and let [Coworker #1] know; he is probably trying to get me reported for being late.”

I find my boss and let him know I’m here. After a while, I go back to find him again.

Me: “Is [Coworker #1] working today?”

Boss: “Yes, I saw him earlier.”

Me: “Well, he isn’t anywhere; I can’t find him.”

Boss: “Oh, s***.”

He went to let one of the fire marshalls know, who let the firemen know. It turned out that [Coworker #1] couldn’t hear the ear-piercing siren and didn’t notice that no one else was around. He was at his station working away!

After that, the company forced him to get his ears tested and he was given hearing aids. Suddenly, [Coworker #1] could hear us properly again, even though he swears the hearing aids don’t do anything.

I was working on quality control for a small company. I noticed that we were getting a lot of unusual claims and complaints from customers. Some were on parts that I know I checked and were okay.

I asked my boss if I could photograph the parts after I checked them. He agreed, but funding was tight and he couldn’t buy anything on company money; there was a blanket ban.

Rather than use the slow company camera, I found a very cheap, used camera online and started to make a little catalogue of everything I checked as okay.

Sure enough, the customer was caught lying, and the company thanked me and wanted to put my process in place.

Sometime later:

Coworker: “I need to use the camera.”

Me: “Sorry, what?”

Coworker: “The camera, I need it.”

Me: “Oh, sorry. I’m using it at the moment.”

Coworker: *Sighs* “Fine!”

She stormed out, only to return a few moments later.

Coworker: “[Manager] said you need to give me the camera.”

Me: “I’m pretty sure [Manager] is on holiday.”

Coworker: “I asked [Other Boss].”

Me: “Well, you tell him that he can ask me himself.”

Coworker: *Smirking* “Fine, I will!”

[Other Boss] came over looking angry.

Other Boss: “What’s going on, [My Name]?”

Me: “[Coworker] is trying to force me to hand over my personal property, demanding I hand it over, and she said you told her I had to.”

Other Boss: “Oh, for f***’s sake. I told her to ask if there was a company one, and if not, to ask you nicely to borrow yours.”

Me: “Look, I—”

He held up his hand to stop me.

Other Boss: “No, it’s fine. We appreciate what you’re doing and we will get some proper equipment in soon. I will talk to [Coworker].”

He left, and then I could see him desperately trying to explain something to [Coworker]. After a few minutes, she walked over.

Coworker: *Sarcastically* “May I please borrow your camera, if it is not too much bother, sir?”

Me: “Sure, but one thing.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: “I’m using it right now.”

She swore at me and left. I genuinely did need to use it and didn’t trust her to bring it back or not delete my photos. I heard that she then refused to do her work, even though she could have taken the photos later on or even the next day.

The company did eventually win a few more big orders and bought a suite of cameras. I was asked to “look after them” and keep them locked up and safe. Every Monday, [Coworker] has to ask me for a camera. She hasn’t figured out that she gets the old broken one when she doesn’t ask nicely.

[Coworker #1] had to take early retirement suddenly, due to health issues. This left the company racing around to try to fill everything he did. [Coworker #1], being the guy he was, would help anyone and everyone, so we kept finding things after he left that were not getting done. It was always, “Oh, yeah, [Coworker #1] used to do that.” It was remarkable how much that man could do.

Eventually, we had a few new starters join to help get things back on track. I was asked to look after [Coworker #2] while she got used to the role and company.

[Coworker #2], however, knew that I wasn’t her boss and quickly stopped doing anything I asked her to do. I had to get her boss to tell her, to her face, to follow my instructions as his own. This worked for a while, until [Coworker #2] realised she could “forget,” “run out of time,” or just create excuses and not do it.

Me: “Oh, [Coworker #2], I see the meeting room hasn’t been restocked. Could you do that, please? There is a major customer meeting in a few hours.”

Coworker #2: *Smugly* “Can’t.”

Me: “You can’t? Why not?”

Coworker #2: “The storeroom is out of coffee.”

Me: “You’re the only one that uses that storeroom, [Coworker #2]. When you use the last of something, there is a big sign that asks you to let finance know.”

Coworker #2: “Well, that’s not my job.”

Me: “Please, can you ask finance for the petty cash and go grab some more coffee from the shops?”

Coworker #2: “That’s not my job, either.”

Me: “Fine, I will do it, then… Not like I don’t have far more important stuff to do.”

I grabbed some petty cash, apologised on [Coworker #2]’s behalf, and managed to buy some supplies for the meeting room.

I decided I’d had enough and let [Coworker #2]’s boss know that I would not be managing her anymore and why. She lied and told him I was bullying and picking on her. However, she could provide no evidence, and no one else in the official backed her up. She was fired the next day. She screamed the building down on her way out that they were losing their best employee. Truly delusional.

They ended up hiring a single mom on a part-time contract. She works twice as hard as [Coworker #2] did, in half the time.

Everyone working on the assembly line has had to move around after some new equipment was installed. I’m now working with a bunch of new people. They seem okay, but the guy down track from me seems a bit of a waste of space. I don’t know the guy, but any opportunity to slack off, he will. I’m not sure he actually checks anything, which is pretty bad as he is supposed to be the goalkeeper to stop stuff getting out.

It gets close to the end of the day and [New Guy] disappears. The problem is, if he doesn’t pass off my parts, then I quickly run out of room, and then the guy before me will do, too.

I keep working until my section is full and I literally can do no more. I ask around to see if anyone knows where he is. 

Me: “Do you know where [New Guy] is?”

Coworker: “What time is it?”

Me: “It’s 15:30.”

Coworker: “Did he leave about fifteen minutes ago?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “Yeah, he goes for a smoke and then something to eat about this time on a Monday.”

Me: “And that’s okay?”

Coworker: “Well, no, but he gets away with it.”

Me: “The line has stopped for me. I’m backed up.”

Coworker: “Oh, just pass the parts through. He doesn’t check them, anyway.”

Me: “I can’t.”

Coworker: “Oh, come on, man. Just do it. We’ve always done it that way.”

Me: “No. I mean, I can’t, even if I did want to. I don’t have the access and the PC is locked.”

He swore and grabbed his phone. He tried to call [New Guy] but he didn’t answer. We went down to his machine, where, apparently, he leaves all his passwords. But they weren’t there.

Just as [Coworker] decided to go and find [New Guy], the timer alarm went off and management came down.

Eventually, we had to tell them what had happened. Of course, just letting parts go to the customer without a safety check is pretty bad, and they didn’t know how many parts were out there.

I think they wanted to fire [New Guy] on the spot, but they couldn’t, so they transferred him to work in the yard doing actual labour. He lasted two weeks.

We have a big site visit soon, so unusually, I go around the yard and check everything is in order. I see a guy out of place looking around.

Me: “Can I help you?”

Man: “Err, yes, I’m here for the bins.”

Me: “Bins? What bins?”

Man: “The big metal ones.”

Me: “And what would you want with them?”

Man: “Well, I was told that I could.”

He begins muttering and walks away. I manage to get a photo of his car as he drives away. I let security know and they thank me. In fact, it gives them the cause to get and install that camera they’ve been meaning to.

A few weeks later:

Security: “I think your friend turned up again.”

Me: “Who?”

Security: “That guy you took a photo of.”

Me: “Oh, really? What did he want?”

Security: “He tried to break into the yard. Is this him?”

He shows me a close-up, high-resolution photo of the guy in the car.

Me: “Yeah, that’s him. How did you get such a great photo?” 

Security: “Oh, he drove into the new security camera. It nearly landed on his bonnet. He still tried breaking in after that, though.”

Me: “Not the smartest guy, then?”

The police caught him not long after. The best part was that he was the brother of one of the guys working there. They must have been working together. Unfortunately for both of them, the scrap bins were emptied for the visit, so he stole nothing. The would-be thief got jail time and his brother got the sack.