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Those Poor Monks

| Working | March 26, 2013

(We have a new employee at our department. My veteran coworker is instructing him.)

Coworker: “Okay, now this is a bit you need to do very calmly.”

New Employee: “You don’t need to tell me anything about calm! I’ve spent three months with monks in Tibet!”

(Later, I’m having a chat with the new guy.)

New Employee: “So, why are you working part time?”

Me: “I have a mental condition. I’d rather not go into detail about it.”

New Employee: “Well, if you need to talk about it, you can come to me.”

Me: “Why, are you a psychiatrist?”

New Employee: “No, but I spent three months with monks in Tibet!”

(After two weeks, he was fired for not following instructions.)

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Just Take A Deep Breath And Psy

, , , , | Working | February 7, 2013

(My dad’s workplace proudly employs people from many different cultures. Considering the wide diversity, it isn’t unusual for them to be curious about each others’ backgrounds. Apparently, they have recently hired some more people.)

New Hire: “Hi, I’m [New Hire]. It’s nice to meet you!”

Dad: “Hi, I’m [Dad]. That’s an interesting name you have; where are you from?”

New Hire: “Sri Lanka. How about you?”

Dad: “I’m from Korea.”

New Hire: “Korea?! Really?!”

Dad: “That’s right.”

New Hire: “Does that mean you can do this?”

(He starts dancing like he is riding horseback, or in other words, he’s doing the dance from “Gangnam Style.”)

Dad: “Well, that was interesting.”

New Hire: “My son loves Psy! He taught me how to dance just like him!”

This story is part of our “Where are you from?” roundup!

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Quitters Sometimes Win

| Working | November 26, 2012

(Two of my coworkers, Worker #1 and Worker #2, are rooming together and working in the same department at the factory. Word spreads around that Worker #1 has been let go/fired, which prompts Worker #2 to head up to the office to talk.)

Worker #2: “Look, Worker #1 needs this job more than I do. He’s trying to go to school and needs the money more than I do. Fire me and bring him back.”

Office: “Sorry, we can’t do that. We can’t just switch who’s been let go and who hasn’t.”

(Worker #2 decides not to argue, but really wants his friend to get his job back because he needs it.)

Worker #2: “Well then, I quit.”

(With that, he left his tools and door card on the desk and left the building. Within a few hours after Worker #2 quit, the office called Worker #1 and offered him his job back!)

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These Boots Are Made For Catwalkin’

| Working | September 19, 2012

(My manager has asked me to show a new coworker the ropes. When I go find her, I see that she is wearing very nice, trendy clothes and high-heeled boots.)

Me: Hey, I’m [name]. I’ll be showing you the job today. But, before we start, do you have a pair of boots?”

New Coworker: “Um, I’m wearing them?”

Me: “I meant work boots. Steel toe safety boots are required here. Surely you were told that when you got the job.”

New Coworker: “Well, they said I had to wear boots, so I thought this would be okay.”

Me: “Okay, look: you can’t work in those. I’ll go speak to the supervisor and see if you can start tomorrow instead.”

(I go speak to the supervisor, who agrees that we will send to girl home to buy boots and she can start the next day. Before she leaves, I repeat the requirements to her.)

Me: “Just to make sure we have no more problems, you need WORK boots. Also, you will need to get a hi-vis safety vest if you don’t have one. Plus, this is kinda dirty work. You might want to wear some older clothes that you don’t mind if they get trashed.”

New Coworker: “Yeah, yeah, sure…”

(Despite what I said, when she comes in the next day she is dressed with the same boots and not safety vest in sight.)

Me: “Where are your boots? And the vest? Didn’t you listen to me yesterday?”

New Coworker: “They’re in the car. The boots are ugly, and that bright yellow is not really my color. I’d look horrible in it. I mean, look at you!”

(I’m wearing ripped, worn jeans, a hi-vis polar fleece, work boots, no make-up, and my hair is thrown up in a bun.)

Me: “Yeah, I don’t look my best, but it’s practical. No one here is gonna care what you look like. Now, you need to put your boots and vest on. We’ve wasted enough time with you screwing around.”

(She obliges and puts the correct boots and a vest on. The first job we do involves climbing under a machine, which requires crawling on the ground to clear a jammed line.)

New Coworker: “Eww, I can’t! I’ll get dirty!”

Me: “I told you to wear something appropriate. You’ll know for tomorrow. Now, go make up crates with those guys over there. They’ll show you how.”

(When I came back, what did I find? Her standing around doing nothing, as she was afraid she would break a nail doing crates. Not surprisingly, she only lasted two days.)

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Someone’s About To Get Fired

| Working | August 20, 2012

(I work in a factory in IT support.)

Me: “Help Desk, how can I help you?”

Worker: “Yeah… uh, the printer isn’t working on [assembly line].”

Me: “Okay, does it have any error messages?”

Worker: “I think it’s on fire.”

Me: “It’s on… fire? Did you put the fire out?!”

Worker: “Well, no…”


(At this point, I hang up the phone and run out to the printer, which at this point is completely engulfed in flames. I grab a fire extinguisher and put the fire out.)

Me: “Why didn’t you put the fire out?!”

Worker: “I didn’t think I was supposed to!”

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