Some Things Can Weight To Be Said

| Working | May 8, 2012

(I work at a large factory and am spread across all three shifts. Sometimes, I don’t make it to certain areas for weeks. I’m also a newlywed of one year, and am the same size as when I got married. One day. I run into an older female employee.)

Employee: “Wow! Haven’t seen you in a while!”

Me: “Yes, sorry. It’s been crazy around here.”

Employee: “So, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure, what is it?”

Employee: “Are you expecting?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m not.”

Employee: “Oh! Well, marriage looks good on you then.”

Me: “Um, thanks?”

Employee: “Don’t worry, dear. I gained 40 pounds after I got married!”

Me: *speechless*

Employee: “There’s no shame in letting yourself go a little.” *winks*

Me: *speechless*

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Decoration: Unknown

, , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I’m contacting a customer because they’ve neglected to write down the postal code for their delivery address.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Warehouse]. I was wondering if you could provide me with the postal code so that I can get this order delivered to you.”

Customer: *sighs* “You really need that?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer:  “Oh. I thought it was just a decoration.”

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As Long As It Runs On Unleaded

, , , | Right | April 21, 2008

(At a “compound” for a “New Age” cult, we needed to replace the pump in their well. In order to get our truck close enough to the well we had to have them move one of their vehicles.)

Me: “Excuse me, I’m going to need you to move that suburban over there.”

Lady: “Okay, no problem.”

(She goes outside and yells at one of her people working on the yard.)

Lady: “Jebediah, could you please get the keys and move the Starship?”

Jebediah: “Sure thing!”

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A Customer And A Blowtorch: This Cannot End Well

, , , | Right | April 1, 2008

(At our store, we sell mostly tool related items. At the time, I worked in the welding section and was letting a customer try out a few welding tools. He was trying a MIG welder, which requires you to be quite close to the work.)

Customer: “Why isn’t this working?” (Holds torch about three feet from work.)

Me: “Well, you have to hold it about an inch away from the work for it to work.”

Customer: “Why isn’t it working?” (He has it about a foot away now.)

Me: “Closer…”

Customer: (Six inches.)

Me: “Closer…”

Customer: (Three inches.)

Me: “Closer…”

Customer: “Why isn’t it working!” (He has just welded the torch to the work.)

Me: “Not that close!”

(This goes on for a good 20 minutes, even after I ran a beautiful bead for him at the right distance.)

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