A previous manager had no control of the team; he wanted to be seen as their friend and couldn’t enforce any rules without upsetting them. Of course, they knew this and did whatever they liked. I came in after he was fired, and I was tasked with (slowly) bringing them back into line.

One of the early problems was lunchtimes. People took it whenever they felt like it, and when enough people took their lunch, the entire facility stopped working. So, instead of a forty-five-minute downtime, everything stopped for ninety minutes. Orders got delayed, customers were unhappy, and expenditure got higher and higher trying to throw overtime at the problem.

So, back to the rules: take your lunch at the right time. Plenty of people whined about it, but it had to be done. After a few disciplinarys, most people came back into line.

But not [Employee #1] and his mate [Employee #2]. I’d see them go early for lunch, come back to see that everyone was on their actual lunch, and then sit around doing nothing. Working where they did, it had a massive impact and constantly caused issues. It needed sorting.

They knew the rules but knew getting fired was almost impossible due to red tape. No one wanted to manage their performance as they were going to retire soon.

But I was stubborn. I called them both into a meeting. [Employee #1] was all mouth before he sat down.

Employee #1: “What now?”

Me: “We are here to discuss your lunchtimes. As you are aware, I have asked you repeatedly to—”

Employee #1: “Yeah, yeah, yeah, take lunch at twelve. But what if we don’t want to?”

Me: “Then action will have to be taken.”

Employee #1: “You’re all mouth; you don’t have the stones to fire us.”

Me: “I didn’t say I’d fire you, but I could move you.”

Employee #1: “Nice try. You can’t put me on the night shift; I have medical issues.”

Employee #2: “Yeah, me, too.”

Me: “That’s fine. You will both be staying on days.”

They both started to leave.

Me: “HOWEVER, starting Monday, [Employee #2], you will be working on operation ten at [one side of the site], and [Employee #1], you will be working at [the other side of the site].”

Employee #1: “You can’t do that!”

Me: “I already have; it’s been approved by human resources and senior management. Gents, you now have time together for lunch but nothing else. Should you continue to ignore the rules, you can and will be separated further.”

They complained about this more than anything else, but I already had full clearance for the change.

They fell in line after that!

This story was related to us by our safety officer. Years ago, he was working in a large refinery and they had a safety drill every last day of the month. Everyone knew when the drill was due; coworkers kept reminding each other, “Have your badge/dosimeter/mask with you.” At the sound of the sirens, all quickly donned their gas masks and reached the gathering points in an orderly fashion. The safety service reported a 100% preparedness level.

It was too good to be true.

Together with a few practical-minded colleagues, the safety officer lobbied for having a more realistic test, so one day, the sirens sounded unexpectedly.

It was mayhem all around, but one event took the cake. Two workers were doing a job on an elevated platform and had forgotten their gas masks at ground level. One of the two, in the safety officer’s own words, “crapped himself and made his peace.” The other, less fatalistically, jumped from the platform in an attempt to reach the gas mask and broke both legs.

The refinery management, upon receiving the preparedness level numbers, took action. Their first decision, effective immediately, was to return to preplanned end-of-the-month drills with no exception.

After seeing it work so well in another company, I decide we could do a lot worse than having a suggestion box on the wall. I let the other managers know that I plan to put it up, get clearance to offer a small incentive, and print out a load of blank suggestion slips.

As I’m filling up the box for the blank forms, a couple of the more challenging to manage staff members gather around.

Worker #1: “What’s that, then?”

Me: “It’s an employee suggestion box. If you think of anything that needs to be improved, write it down so we can consider it.”

Worker #2: “Like more money?”

Worker #3: “And more time off.”

Me: “You can suggest those things, but we are looking firstly for any improvement ideas — things that will make the job easier, faster, or more cost-effective.”

Worker #4: “Do we get paid for it?”

Me: “There is a gift certificate for ideas put forward that we take on. One per month.”

Worker #2: “Nah, do we get paid for putting suggestions in the box?”

Me: “You want to be paid to put ideas that make your job easier into a box? No. No, you won’t get paid for that.”

Worker #3: “Well, can we overtime for it?”

Me: “No. If you have an idea, put it in the box. If it gets chosen, you get a gift card. Plus, your job will be easier, take less time to do, or cost everyone less to do.”

Worker #4: “I’m not doing it, then.”

Me: “Suit yourselves.”

We get a lot of suggestions — some terrible, others not half bad. We manage to get a decent one every month and start making some real changes.

I never see the four workers put their suggestions in, yet they are the first to complain when their department isn’t getting money spent on it.

You literally can’t help some people.

The company spends a lot of money on an automated piece of equipment, designed specifically for this one job in this one company. To be accurate, it has to be cleaned after every use. Admittedly, that’s not ideal, but there is no other way possible to do so many checks in a dirty environment so quickly.

I helped with the implementation, the training material, and proving it worked. And it did; wipe it down, put it in the part, and press the green button, and it was foolproof.

Well, apart from the fools we hired.

I was called down as it “wasn’t working” to just clean it down and miraculously have it work fine an endless number of times. I ended up retraining everyone and making big colour pictures of how to clean it with the tools held next to the machine. Still, they couldn’t manage it. They did get a little better, though.

One night they called me, waking me up.

Worker: “The machine’s not working.”

Me: “Ugh, have you tried cleaning it?”

Worker: “Yeah, doesn’t work.”

Me: “It’s a ninety-minute drive. If I get there and clean it and it works, I’m going to be mad.”

Worker: “Hang on. Yeah, we definitely cleaned it.”

I got out of bed. It was 2:00 am and cold. I drove over there, grabbed the can of cleaner and a cloth, wiped down the machine, and pushed the green button. Voila, it worked.

By the time I had a go at the shift leader, it was too late to drive home. I slept in the car for a few hours and “came to work” again. I mainly complained to the shift leader’s boss before going home early.

I hated that job.

I work in a big grinding and machining company. Our office tea room is being repaired, so we have to share the factory break room. Maybe it’s because they are used to the loud workshop, but every conversation is being told loudly, as well.

I’m listening in with a coworker, slowly making a cup of tea.

Worker #1: “It’s stupid. I don’t get it.”

Worker #2: “They had it out for him from the start.”

Worker #1: “I told him to sue the company. Screw them.”

I turn to my coworker.

Me: *Quietly* “Do you know what they are going on about?”

Coworker: “Some guy called Charlie crashed the company car into [Customer]’s exhibition centre. The police were called and he was arrested. He was high on something. So they sacked him.”

Worker #1: “Oi! He wasn’t high; he just had trace amounts of a few things in his system.”

Worker #2: “Yeah, I was with him the day before. He didn’t even take that much.”

Charlie tried to sue the company, and several of his friends backed him up, prompting a round of drug tests for everyone.

The company understands the effects of drugs while using heavy machinery, so after Charlie’s case was thrown out, a round of drug testing was made, and then a round of firings.