Wayward Benjamin

| PA, USA | Right | November 3, 2016

(I am working at guest services at a large store when I get a call.)

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [Store]. How many I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, hello, I was wondering if you had a lost and found?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What is it that you lost?”

Customer: “A $100 bill.”

Me: *surprised* “I’ll check with our manager but as far as I know no one has turned anything in.”

(I check with my manager and she laughs but confirms that no one has turned anything in like that. The other employees laugh at the fact she thinks someone would turn it in.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. None of our employees have found anything like that recently.”

Customer: “Oh, dear… Well, I know I lost it in your store. Will you reimburse me?”

Me: “I’m sorry… what?”

Customer: “I know I lost it in there, so will your store reimburse me for the lost money?”

Me: “I… I’m sorry but we can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: *baffled* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t reimburse you for money you may have lost at the store.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, just give me a call when you find it, all right?”

(She hung up before I could get her name or number. Not that we would have found a $100 bill just laying around the store. If that ruse had worked, I’d be doing that at all the stores.)

In Mint Condition

| Australia | Right | October 5, 2016

(A customer comes up to my counter with a few items. She is on crutches.)

Customer: “Would you be able to get a fabric for me? I can’t carry it.”

Me: “Sure, happy to do it. Which fabric is it?”

Customer: “It’s the turquoise flannelette.”

(I head over to the flannelette stand a few metres away. I hadn’t remembered seeing a turquoise one and held up the closest colour I can find to turquoise, a blue and black checked fabric.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Customer: “No, I wanted a plain one.”

(I stand looking at the fabrics. For the life of me I can not see a turquoise one.)

Me: “Sorry. but I can’t see one of that colour; are you sure it’s turquoise?”

(Customer makes a big issue of having to limp the four or five metres, points to the fabric next to me.)

Customer: *haughtily* “Well what do you call that?” *indicates a fabric*

Me: “That’s mint green.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s the one I want, thanks.”

And I’ll Have Some Muslin Muslims While I Am At It

| KY, USA | Right | September 23, 2016

(I worked in a fabric store and had this conversation more times than I care to think about.)

Customer: “Do you have any Baptists?””

Me: “Do you mean batiste?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well batiste is a fabric and Baptists are a religious group.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I want three yards of Baptists.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell people. It’s against the law.”

Parental Guidance

| Saint Louis, MO, USA | Working | May 29, 2016

(I have taken my son, who is three, to grab some fabric to fix a T-shirt and a pattern for a Halloween costume.)

Son: *generally being a rowdy three-year-old, touching products and being told to stop*

Cashier: *to me* “He’s the second-worst kid I’ve ever seen who doesn’t listen.”

Me: *laughing, assuming she meant it lightheartedly* “Yeah, I hear it’s the age.”

Cashier: *with a matter of fact attitude* “No offense, but I’m pretty sure it’s just bad parenting.”

Me: *silently and tearfully pays and rushes out of the store*

Cashier: “Have a nice day!”

(I called my husband sobbing and he suggested that I call the store and complain to the manager, who apologized when they heard the story. Our family won’t be returning to that store; we’ll go twice as far for cashiers that aren’t total jerks.)

Her Items Cannot Be Fabricated

| AR, USA | Right | April 23, 2016

(A woman was looking very disoriented in the crafting aisle, and so I went to approach her.)

Customer: “Do you have paint for a sign? I need a bucket.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t carry paint in buckets. We have fabric glue, but not a bucket of it.”

Customer: “Oh.” *holds up her hands to approximate a huge sign* “I need paint for a sign this big.”

Me: “I’m afraid that we don’t carry paint for signs, ma’am. Any paint that we have in stock is intended for fabrics and is in small bottles. We are a crafts store, but we specialize in fabric.”

Customer: “That’s okay! I’ll just buy your paint and then a paintbrush, please.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid that we don’t carry paintbrushes either. We are a crafts store, but we specialize in fabric. Have you tried going across the street to [Department Store]?”

(At this point the woman drops what she is carrying as if I offended her terribly.)

Customer: “No, I came HERE for crafts. Are you telling me that this fabric store can’t have someone go across the street and special order those paintbrushes here for me right now!?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am…”


Me: “One that specializes in fabric, ma’am.”

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