Not Always Right But Funny

| TN, USA | Working | May 17, 2015

(I’m in the office, talking to the boss about a sick cat I’ve recently adopted.)

Me: “…so my roommate and I have spent a lot of time at the vet lately. But it’s worth it to have someone to come home to.”

Boss: “Yeah… I had a fish. He was a good companion. He’s been sick lately. I think he’s dead.”

Me: *general understanding noise*

Boss: “But at least I can have sushi tonight. Now he’ll satisfy me even more.”

Me: “…”

Boss: “That wasn’t right, was it?”

Not Cut Out To Be Good Customers

| Shreveport, LA, USA | Right | March 15, 2015

(It’s noon and there’s a huge sale on so naturally the store has quite a few customers.)

Employee: *as she dashes from the cutting table to the register* “I’ll be right back, sweetie! Let me just check out those two ladies, okay?”

(I nod and patiently wait the few minutes it takes for her to cash out the other customers.)

Employee: *slightly breathless as she returns* “Whoo! I’m getting my exercise today!” *smiles brightly* “How much of this did you need, miss?”

Me: “Three yards please, ma’am.” *glancing around at all the other customers* “Where’s your help? They had to know it’d be busy today with the sale and all.”

Employee: *as she cuts* “Well, there’s supposed to be another girl here but she called about ten minutes ago and said she has a flat so I don’t know when she’ll be in.” *tags and passes over my fabric* “Here you go. Just let me know when you’re ready to check out, okay?”

Me: *nods* “Sure. I just remembered something else I needed.”

(I pick up the thread I needed then wander about the store a bit looking at the sale items near the register. Two older women walk up to the register and just stand there for about ten minutes.)

Customer #1: *wrinkles her nose* “The service here is awful.”

Customer #2: *purses her lips* “It is. I knew we should have gone to [Store’s other location] instead.”

(The two customers toss their large amounts of fabric and notions on the counter then flounce out the door. I walk back to the cutting table where the employee has just finished up with another customer.)

Employee: “Are you ready to check out yet, hon?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and I thought I’d let you know those two women left all their stuff at the register. Sorry.”

(We return to the register and she puts the fabrics and notions aside.)

Employee: “Now those will go in the remnants.” *sighs* “I told them to tell me when they were ready and I’d come up here!”

Me: *rolls eyes* “I guess they thought they were too good to come to you.”

(She rings up items with a smile.)

Employee: “Your total is $38.57.”

Me: *stares at her in disbelief* “That can’t be—”

Employee: *suddenly sounding nervous* “But the fabric was on sale for $12 a yard—”

Me: *cutting her off as I cover my face with one hand* “And the pattern was on sale for $1. The rest is taxes and the thread.” *grins sheepishly* “I thought it should be MORE! I forgot that the pattern was on sale!”

Employee: “Oh!” *looks visibly relieved then scans something near her register* “Since you’re so nice and waited so patiently, I’m giving you the 10% student discount! Your new total is $34.71!”

Me: “You don’t have to do that! I really did think it should have been more! I wasn’t trying for a discount!”

Employee: *smiling* “I know but you could have just left like those others did. So, cash or card, miss?”

(This is my new favorite location because she is always so sweet!)

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Toughness Doesn’t Even Register

| TN, USA | Working | November 7, 2014

(I’m the manager on duty and have taken advantage of a slow period after a long rush to empty the drawer of the main register at the store’s service desk. There is only one customer ready to check out at the time. It should be noted that I’m a 5’ 3” woman. )

Cashier: “We’ll be right with you, ma’am. We’re just emptying the drawer.”

Me: “Shh. Don’t say that. I usually just say I’m fixing the register.”

Cashier: “Why?”

Me: “Because they could hear and ambush me on my way to the safe.”

Cashier: “Oh, you look tough. You could take—” *starts laughing*

Me: “You couldn’t even finish that with a straight face, could you?”

They Were On A (Toilet) Roll

| TN, USA | Working | October 7, 2014

(On this particular Saturday I am working with the store manager in the stockroom, away from customers. One unhappy customer from the night before has come in the make sure that the girl who told her we were sold out of the buttons she wanted has been ‘properly disciplined.’ The head manager was not happy to deal with her. )

Manager: “Did you hear about that lady with the buttons?”

Me: “The one who wanted [Coworker] punished?”

Manager: “I hope she gets diarrhea and runs out of toilet paper.”

Me: “Ew!”

Manager: *cackling * “And hemorrhoids! That’ll show her.”

(Later, over the radio:)

Coworker: “There’s a lady on line two who wants to talk to a manager. She sounds upset.”

Manager: *looks over* “You go be nice to her. I won’t be.”

Colorful Language

| USA | Working | August 26, 2014

(I’m a shift leader at a chain fabric store. Many of my coworkers are from Mexico and Central America. While I am white, I have been exposed to Spanish since childhood and can speak it fluently. Two of my team members are at the cutting tables serving customers. One is Guatemalan.)

Coworker #1: “Hey, [My Name]. I have something to tell you when I finish these cuts.”

Me: “Sure thing, [Coworker #1].”

(A few minutes pass and Coworker #1 is finished cutting.)

Me: “So what did you want to talk me about?”

Coworker #1: “Shh! Not yet! Later! Later.”

Me: “Uh. Okay.”

(A little while later, she approaches me while I’m tidying up.)

Coworker #1: “Okay, now I can tell you.”

Me: “Okay. So, what’s up?”

Coworker #1: “You know that couple I was cutting for?”

Me: “Yeah, the blond lady and her husband?”

Coworker #1: “Yeah, yeah! Well, he was all over her. Had his hands in her jeans pockets and kept smacking her on the rump. In public! White men. Tch.”

Me: “Haha. I noticed that! Why couldn’t you tell me about this before?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, because [Coworker #2] was standing there. She’s white, so she might have gotten offended.”

Me: Uh. [Coworker #1]. You realize I’m just as white as [Coworker #2], right?”

Coworker #1: *giggling* “Oh, [My Name]. You are not white. You speak Spanish!”

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