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Fifty Percent Off Is Way Off

| Orlando, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I’ve been helping a woman with her fabric. She has been a challenging customer from the start, insisting I carry her fabric for her, choosing fabric inappropriate for her project (using blackout curtain lining to upholster a chair), and disputing the measured length. I’ve finally cut her fabric and given her the ticket to check out when she asks if she can use a 50% off coupon on her purchase.)

Me: *in an attempt to be lighthearted* “The bad news is you won’t be able to use your coupon; the good news is that it’s because this fabric is already on sale for 50% off, so you can save your coupon and use it on your highest priced non-sale item!”

Customer: “I can’t use my coupon? It didn’t say it was on sale! I don’t want it then!”

Me: “You don’t want to buy this fabric on sale for 50% off because you can’t use your coupon for 50% off? Is that right?”

(It took me and the manager on duty ten minutes and a calculator to show her that she was paying the exact same amount for the fabric either way and was actually saving money because then she could use her coupon on another item in her transaction. She still didn’t believe us and the manager thankfully took over and rang her item at full price and let her use the coupon on it.)

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Some Customers Are Cut From Different Cloth

| LA, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(We have glass doors, so when I see someone pull up and try to get in after closing, I signal and mouth to that we are closed. Most people would see this and leave, but not everyone.)

Customer: *through the glass doors* “Do you have [fabric]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Can you go get it and show me?”

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Wayward Benjamin

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I am working at guest services at a large store when I get a call.)

Me: “Hello and thank you for calling [Store]. How many I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, hello, I was wondering if you had a lost and found?”

Me: “Yes, we do. What is it that you lost?”

Customer: “A $100 bill.”

Me: *surprised* “I’ll check with our manager but as far as I know no one has turned anything in.”

(I check with my manager and she laughs but confirms that no one has turned anything in like that. The other employees laugh at the fact she thinks someone would turn it in.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. None of our employees have found anything like that recently.”

Customer: “Oh, dear… Well, I know I lost it in your store. Will you reimburse me?”

Me: “I’m sorry… what?”

Customer: “I know I lost it in there, so will your store reimburse me for the lost money?”

Me: “I… I’m sorry but we can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: *baffled* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we can’t reimburse you for money you may have lost at the store.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Well, just give me a call when you find it, all right?”

(She hung up before I could get her name or number. Not that we would have found a $100 bill just laying around the store. If that ruse had worked, I’d be doing that at all the stores.)

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In Mint Condition

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(A customer comes up to my counter with a few items. She is on crutches.)

Customer: “Would you be able to get a fabric for me? I can’t carry it.”

Me: “Sure, happy to do it. Which fabric is it?”

Customer: “It’s the turquoise flannelette.”

(I head over to the flannelette stand a few metres away. I hadn’t remembered seeing a turquoise one and held up the closest colour I can find to turquoise, a blue and black checked fabric.)

Me: “Is this it?”

Customer: “No, I wanted a plain one.”

(I stand looking at the fabrics. For the life of me I can not see a turquoise one.)

Me: “Sorry. but I can’t see one of that colour; are you sure it’s turquoise?”

(Customer makes a big issue of having to limp the four or five metres, points to the fabric next to me.)

Customer: *haughtily* “Well what do you call that?” *indicates a fabric*

Me: “That’s mint green.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s the one I want, thanks.”

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And I’ll Have Some Muslin Muslims While I Am At It

| KY, USA | Funny Names, Religion

(I worked in a fabric store and had this conversation more times than I care to think about.)

Customer: “Do you have any Baptists?””

Me: “Do you mean batiste?”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “Well batiste is a fabric and Baptists are a religious group.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I want three yards of Baptists.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t sell people. It’s against the law.”

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