One-Woman Wrecking Crew

, , | Right | February 5, 2008

Woman: “I’ve been standing out there trying to pump gas for the last 10 minutes! Your @&$%*# gas pump is broken!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’ll go out with you and see what I can do.”

(I see a bright red “Out of Order” bag on the nozzle; she had shoved everything into her tank, bag and all.)

Me: “Yes, that pump is broken. You’ll need to pull up to another pump.”

Woman: “Oh, well you guys should really mark it better. I wasted a lot of time here!”

Me: “Um… yes, we usually put a traffic cone in front.”

Woman: “Oh yeah…I saw it, but I didn’t know what it was for, so I just drove over it.”

(The cone was wedged under her car.)

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If By “Everyone”, You Mean Morons Like Yourself

, , | Right | February 1, 2008

Customer: “I got just back from my vacation and all of a sudden my internet connection isn’t working anymore. Have you got a technical problem in my area or something.”

Me: “No, ma’am, as far as I know, there aren’t any problems at this moment. Can you check which status lights are burning on your modem?”

(Now this is a standard check we do to troubleshoot; it’s very easy to tackle when something’s going wrong.)

Customer: “Alright, well, all lights are off. Are you sure there couldn’t be a problem on your side?”

Me: “No, miss, there aren’t any problems. I checked it when you were checking the status lights. But they were all off, you said?”

Customer: “Yeah, there wasn’t a light burning on my modem. What could that mean?”

Me: “Well, that could mean two things: Either the modem is broken or…”

Customer: “No, it can’t be broken, it’s almost brand new! You just want me to buy a new one so that it’s not your problem anymore, am I right?”

Me: “Well, to be honest: You’re not. I didn’t even finish my sentence yet. I said the modem COULD be broken, and if it’s broken and still brand new you’ll get a new one. The problem could also be that the power plug isn’t connected to the outlet properly. Maybe you’ve forgotten to plug it in after you came home from your holiday?”

Customer: “Are you implying that I’m so dumb that I’d forget that? It’s just broken so send me a new one!”

Me: “No, I’m not. But could you please check it, just to be sure?”

Customer: “Alright then…”

(After a minute.)

Customer: “Yeah, you were right, it wasn’t connected. But I’m sure this could happen to everyone!”

Me: “I suppose so. Have a nice day!”

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…And Stupidity Resolves Itself

, , | Right | January 31, 2008

Woman #1: “This is not my ice cream, I ordered the butter pecan! It’s simple; just scoop ice cream!”

Woman #2: “This is not my ice cream either, I ordered the maple walnut! How d*** complicated is it to give people the right ice cream?”

(Glancing at both of their ice creams, I realize that the problem was their fault because they just took each other’s ice cream.)

Me: “Yeah, complicated…”

(I walked out back and looked at them on the security camera, until they realized they were the idiots, and left.)

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I Gave Birth To A Guinea Pig

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2008

Me: “Hi there, ma’am. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: *with her young son* “Yeah, could I have a piece of that bologna so my son can taste it?”

Me: “Sure. Would you like to try it, too?”

Customer: “Oh, no, thanks. I just want to see if my son is allergic.”

Me: “…”

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You Can Never Dumb It Down Enough

, , | Right | January 29, 2008

(We wanted to avoid common questions, so we made a massive wooden ice cream cone and put it up on the counter to display the number of scoops possible, and the price at each level. This thing was like 4 feet high, each scoops with a diameter of at least 1 foot.)

Woman: “Hi, how much is one scoop?”

Coworker: “Oh, right here…” *points to sign*

Woman: “JESUS! Those are huge! How could anyone eat that much?”

Coworker: “…”

(I ran into the back, almost in tears from laughing.)


This story is part of our Ice Cream roundup!

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