So Much For Being Patriotic

, , , , | Right | October 20, 2008

Customer: “I’m looking for a clock radio.”

Me: “Certainly. Our clock radios are over on these shelves here. Is there any particular style or brand you’re looking for?”

Customer: “This one looks all right. It’s made here, isn’t it?”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I believe that one is manufactured in China.”

Customer: “S***, you’re kidding! Well, what about this one?”

Me: “That’s also a [Brand #1], ma’am; that’s also made in China.”

Customer: “S***, I DON’T WANT ANY BLOODY CHINESE S***. SHOW ME ONE THAT ISN’T CHINESE!”

Me: “Well, this particular model over here is a [Brand #2], with all of the same functions.”

Customer: “Not from China?”

Me: “No, this one’s made in Japan.”

Customer: “S***, I TOLD YOU I DON’T WANT ANY F****** CHINESE GARBAGE! *points to first radio* “Just give me that one there.”

Me: “Uh… ma’am, that one is made in China, and the last one wasn’t…”

Customer: “DO YOU THINK I GIVE A S***?!”

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Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind

, | Right | October 19, 2008

(Note: We always give a proof to customers prior to printing to make sure they get what they want, then follow up with a phone call.)

Me: “Hi, did you get the proof?”

Customer: “Yes, go ahead and run the job.”

Me: “Okay. Thanks.”

(I print her stuff and have it delivered. She calls about an hour later.)

Customer: “I got my stuff but it’s wrong!”

Me: “What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “The color’s all wrong!”

Me: “But I printed them exactly like the proof! Didn’t you say you got the proof and you approved it?”

Customer: “I’m supposed to LOOK at the proof?!”

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He’s Gonna Need A Huge Courtroom

, , , , | Right | October 16, 2008

(Note: I’m calling to renew magazine subscriptions.)

Me: “Hello, may I speak with [Customer]?”

Customer: “This is him, and you know… I’ve gotten five calls from Boise, Idaho, today!”

Me: “So sorry, but I assure you it wasn’t us. Our system only calls once per day.”

Customer: “Do you work for them! Do you work for Boise, Idaho?”

Me: “Yeah, I guess. But there are a number of call centers here in Boise. Maybe one of them called you?”

Customer: “No! It was Boise, Idaho! You know what? This is what’s going to happen… Let me have your name!”

Me: *gives name*

Customer: “Well, son, you are now involved in a lawsuit! I am suing Boise, Idaho, and everyone who works for Boise, Idaho!”

Me: “…are you serious?”

Customer: “Yes! I get calls all the time from Boise, Idaho, and I’m sick of it! I’m on a ‘do not call’ list!”

Me: “Well, you subscribed to this magazine, so the list doesn’t apply. However, I can put you on our system’s ‘do not call’ list and we will never bother you again.”

Customer: “This is so illegal. I’m taking your job and suing Boise, Idaho!”

Me: “I wish you the best of luck in suing Boise, Idaho, sir. I really do.” *click*

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Be Careful What You Ask For, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [office]; how can I help you?”

Caller: “I need a driver’s license. ”

Me: “Okay. You can come to our office; as it is Saturday, we are open until 12:30 pm.”

Caller: “I can’t make it in time; can you fax me one?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s a plastic card, and it can not be faxed or emailed. We also have to take your photo, so this can be done only in person.”

Caller: “It was my birthday yesterday, so my license is expired. Can’t you do it over the phone?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can not send you a plastic license over the phone.”

Caller: “F*** you!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I can’t do that over the phone, either.”

 

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The Danger With Rhetorical Questions

, , | Right | October 9, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I am in the back office and someone told me that we were supposed to be able to use wireless keyboards, so I cut the cable.”

Me: “You… cut the cable?”

Customer: “Yes, and now it doesn’t work.”

Me: “You cut the cable on your keyboard, and now it doesn’t work?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “You’re going to have to buy a new keyboard.”

Customer: “Why? I was told we could use wireless keyboards.”

Me: “That is not a wireless keyboard.”

Customer: “Yes it is.”

Me: “Just because you cut the cord does not make it wireless.”

Customer: “Can’t you just make it work?”

Me: “Does your phone have a cable?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “If you cut it, do you think your phone will work?”

Customer: *line disconnects after twenty seconds of silence*

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