A Rainbow Of Flavor

, , | Right | February 2, 2009

Customer: “What does the mango smoothie taste like? Does it taste like oranges?”

Me: “It tastes like… mangoes?”

Customer: *exasperated* “No, mango is a COLOR. I want to know what it TASTES like.”

Me: “Sir, mango is a fruit. The mango smoothie tastes like mango.”

Customer: “Ugh, whatever. What does the strawberry one taste like?”

Me: “It tastes like strawberries.”

Customer: “I’ll take one of those!”

Coworker: *to me* “You should’ve told him it tasted like red.”

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Education Is No Guarantee

, , , | Right | January 30, 2009

Customer: “A packet of cigarettes and some gum, please.”

Me: “I’ll need an ID for the cigarettes, sir.”

Customer: “What? Why?!”

Me: “If you look under 30 we need an ID.”

Customer: “But… why?”

Me: “It’s against the law to sell cigarettes to under-aged persons. If there’s any risk of it, I need to check IDs or any other proof of identity, such as a driver’s license, passport, etc.”

Customer: “But, like, WHY?!”

Me: “It’s against the law. I could be fired or fined, and you’d get a penalty as well.”

Customer: “Yeah, but WHY?!”

Me: “It’s illegal, sir.”

Customer: “WHY?!”

Me: “Because… smoking is dangerous.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “It has a lot of poisonous chemicals and known carcinogens in it.”

Customer: “Your cigarettes have carcinogens in them? Eww, I’m not buying these.”

Me: “Sir, the packet clearly reads ‘SMOKING KILLS.’ Wasn’t that a hint?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you’d sell CARCINOGENS. That’s just… ugh. Just give me some gum!”

Me: “Um… okay, sir, which flavor and brand?”

Customer: “Any flavor, any brand… Umm, do you have that nicotine gum stuff?”

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Why You Never, Ever Share Toothbrushes

, , | Right | January 29, 2009

Customer: “I need to return this toothbrush.”

Me: “Do you have a receipt?”

Customer: “No — I thought it would work.”

Me: “How did it not work?”

Customer: “Well, it said it had indicator bristles, and when I peed on them they didn’t change color! How is it supposed to indicate if I’m pregnant or not?!”

Me: “Ma’am… they’re to indicate whether the toothbrush needs replacing, not whether you’re pregnant.”

Customer: *looks sheepish and leaves*

Me: *to manager* “I’m going on break now…”

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A Swing And A Miss

, | Right | January 28, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Electronics, please.”

Me: “We’re an electronics store, ma’am. Could you be more specific?”

Caller: “Umm… just one moment.”

(She hangs up. Five minutes later, she calls back.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Electronics Store]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Electronics DEPARTMENT, please.”

Me: “…”

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Culinary Confusion

, , , | Right | January 28, 2009

(I was working at the concessions stand taking someone’s order, when a man walks up and cuts in line.)

Customer: “Hey, why does this theater look so run down?”

Me: “Uh… well, it is kind of old, but as you can see from the sign we are renovating.”

Customer: “Oh. Can I get a popcorn then? Is it fresh?”

Me: “Sir, you just cut in line. I’m sorry, but you’ll have to get back in line if you want service.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.”

(He pauses, but doesn’t move from his place beside me at the counter. I finish my transaction and clear up the line, and he’s still standing there.)

Customer: “So… what’s up with those corn dogs?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Those corn dogs. What’s wrong with them?”

Me: *looking around, utterly confused* “Uh… the hot dogs? I don’t see anything wrong with them.”

Customer: “No, the corn dogs! They look awfully… green, don’t they?”

Me: *following his eyes* “Sir… I think you’re talking about the pickles.”

Customer: “Oh… that’s what they are? Could have fooled me.”

Me: “…”


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