You Want Chicken That Is Number-Crunchy

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work at a fast food chain which is known for its fried chicken. I’m working the till at the front counter when a middle-aged woman walks into the store.)

Me: “Hi there, ma’am! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I was just wondering how many chicken wings I would get if I bought a 20 pack?”

Me: “Uh… 20, ma’am.”

Customer: “Okay, cool. Also, do you have any specials on chicken today?”

Me: “Yup, we sure do! We are currently selling five pieces of chicken for $9.90.”

Customer: “Okay, and how many pieces of chicken would I get in that?”

Me: *just stands there bewildered*

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License To Kill The Sale

, , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work at an international airport for a very large car rental company. A customer approaches the counter, provides me with a reservation number, and I request their driver’s license and credit card.)

Customer: “Here is my credit card.”

Me: “Okay, I will need to see your license as well, please.”

Customer: *begins doing something on his cell phone, seemingly ignoring me*

Me: “Sir, I just need to see your driver’s license.”

Customer: “HOLD ON, HOLD ON!” *puts hand up to shush me*

(The customer hands me his cell phone in which there is a photograph of a TEMPORARY license sitting on what looks like a kitchen counter.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I need to have a physical driver’s license here in order to verify it.”

Customer: “This is a real driver’s license; there’s a photo right here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Unfortunately, I cannot accept that as a valid driver’s license.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have a driver’s license! It is right here. This company is going to h***, I swear!”

Me: “Could you present your license to a police officer if you were to be pulled over?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then I cannot complete this rental for you. I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have the license right here. Are you blind? You can see this, can’t you?”

Me: “I can see it, yes. But unless you have a valid license in your possession that could be presented if requested, I cannot legally rent you a vehicle, and legally you cannot drive a vehicle.”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU GET OFF DOING THIS TO PEOPLE!” *stalks off*

Me: *slams face on desk*

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Force-Fed Some Common Sense

, , , , , , | Friendly | November 14, 2017

(During a break between classes, my friends and I are standing in the hallway talking. One of my friends has a plate of food from her culinary class in one hand and a drink in the other.)

Friend #1: “How am I supposed to eat this with my hands full?”

Me: “Here, let me give you a hand.”

(I reach over and grab the fork off her plate and start spearing pieces of food and holding it up to her mouth to eat. This proceeds until the plate is empty as we all keep talking.)

Friend #2: *after staring at us with a weird look* “Why did you feed her? Wouldn’t have been easier to hold the plate for her or hold the drink while she took bites?”

([Friend #1] and I freeze and then stare at each other in disbelief, as that thought hadn’t crossed either of our minds.)

Me: *as everyone is laughing now* “Why didn’t any of you say anything earlier?! You just let me feed her for the last five minutes!”

Friend #2: “Honestly, I didn’t think either of you were that stupid, so I assumed there had to be a reasonable explanation for why you did it that way.”

Me: “Yeah, well, you got that wrong.”

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Discovering New Dimensions Of Unreasonableness

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I work at a photo center as a technician. We develop pictures in all standard sizes, ranging from wallet to giant posters, and usually can do almost anything with pictures. Note that a 4×8 is a small, long rectangle and an 8×10 is more of a square, two completely different shapes.)

Me: “Good morning! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hello! I need this picture to be an 8×10, please.” *hands me an invitation that measures 4×8*

Me: “Okay, just so you know, due to the shape of this picture, there will be a little white around the edges to make up for the missing space.”

Customer: “Oh, no! That won’t do! I need it to cover the whole 8×10 area!”

Me: “Well, in that case, the only thing I can do is stretch the image to make it reach the top, but the image will be squashed.”

Customer: “No! That won’t do either! I just want this to be in an 8×10! How hard could it be?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, due to the law of mass it is physically impossible to put something with these measurements into an 8×10 without either squashing the image or having a small amount of space left over. If you like, I can cut the space off once it is printed.”

Customer: “NO! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT! YOU WILL DO THIS FOR ME!”

Me: “Ma’am, what you are asking would require me to break a law of physics. That is not possible!”

Customer: “Fine! If you will not print this for me, I will go find someone who will!”

Me: *under my breath* “Good luck, ma’am! I hear Stephen Hawking is hard to get a hold of, though.”

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Their Math Training Is Cheap

, , , , , | Working | November 13, 2017

(I decide to stop by a fast food place because I have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a popular burger. I drive up to the window and place my order.)

Cashier: “Oh, that’s on special right now, two for $3. Did you want two?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, I have a coupon to buy one, get one free.”

(She repeats my order back and tells me my total is $3.21. I’m a little confused, so when I get to the window I ask why it’s so much because the burger itself is $1.99.)

Cashier: “Oh, it’s because it’s buy two for $3, and then tax.”

Me: “But I have the BOGO coupon…”Cas

Cashier: “Oh, this way is a better deal, so you can save your coupon for when they aren’t on sale. It’s cheaper with the sale than with the coupon.”

(I tried to explain the math to her but she didn’t understand, and kept reiterating that her way was cheaper. Finally, frustrated beyond reason, I asked her to ring it up using the coupon and tell me which was cheaper. She seemed honestly shocked that $2.14 was less than $3.21. She rang it up correctly and handed me my food, and as I was about to pull away I heard her telling her coworkers that they were wrong all those times they told people it was cheaper.)

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