Sliding Around That One

, , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I work for an airline and we have just landed into a major UK airport at a very busy time. We are currently waiting on a member of ground staff to attach the air-bridge so our passengers can disembark. We have been waiting on the ground for approximately five minutes.)

Passenger: *a man who was perfectly civil and seemed relatively smart during the flight* “Can you not just use the emergency slide?”

Purser: *after realising that they are not joking* “No, sir.”

Passenger: “Why an earth not?”

Purser: “One: it’s not an emergency. Two: it’s unbelievably dangerous to anyone around on the ground. Three: it costs around £60,000. Four: it renders the aircraft unserviceable and means the next flight must be cancelled. And five: it wouldn’t get you anywhere except underneath the plane instead of on it.”

(The air-bridge was attached about two minutes later and we heard no more about the slide from anyone!)

Trying To Fulfill Your Delivery Period

, , , , , , | Working | October 17, 2017

(I work as a delivery driver for a well-known supermarket. I’m 25 and male but quite familiar with the concept of a woman’s period and tampons. I’m training a new driver, and our current customer appears to have placed an “emergency order,” since their shopping only contains a box of tampons, some tea bags, and some chocolate. I look to my trainee and say:)

Me: “Okay, this next customer has a small order, but my advice is be patient. If she doesn’t answer the door right away, give it a few. She probably won’t want to be wound up.”

Trainee: “Why, is she a b****? Have you delivered before?”

Me: “Umm, no. Just look at the receipt, mate; it’s quite obvious what’s going on here.”

(The trainee looks at the receipt long and hard, but it doesn’t appear to sink in. Eventually I take pity on him.)

Me: “She might be on her period; she’s bought tampons, chocolate, and tea.”

Trainee:What!? I ain’t going near that! It’s disgusting!”

(He refused to even leave the van to make the delivery and generally acted like I might have caught some kind of taint just by being around a woman who may or may not have been on her period.)

Getting A Sinking Feeling About This

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

Customer: “Should I put gravel in my fish tank before or after the water?”

Me: “It’s a little easier to get the water level where you want to be it by putting the gravel in first. Aside from that, it doesn’t really matter.”

Customer: “Well, I already put water in. So, if I get this gravel…” *picks out a small bag* “…and try to put it in now, will it sink?”

Me: “Er, yes. Gravel’s just a bunch of small rocks.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know anything about this; I’m new to fish tanks. You’re sure it’s not just going to float?”

Me: “It’s a bag of rocks, ma’am. Rocks sink.”

Customer: “I’m new to this! You’re sure that it won’t float?”

(She continued to ask at least five more times throughout the rest of the conversation whether or not gravel sinks in water. She still didn’t seem to believe me by the time she left.)

Siblings Need To Take Everything In Turns

, , , , , | Related | October 17, 2017

(I have a sister and a brother. They each have one child. This occurs over the phone with my sister, right after my sister-in-law announces that she is pregnant with her second child.)

Sister: “Did you hear that [Sister-In-Law] is pregnant?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s exciting!”

Sister: “I’m a bit annoyed, because I had already said I wanted to have another baby!”

Me: *speechless*

(I don’t think that’s how it works? I’m pretty sure you can’t call dibs on having the next baby. I love my sister very much, but I honestly didn’t know what to say to that!)

In Starch Contrast To Medical Advice

, , , , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I work as a receptionist at a hotel. The bar in our lobby serves food as well as drinks. I am working the night shift. It is around 3:00 am when I get this call:)

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, can you connect me through to the bar?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, the bar closes at 11:00 pm.”

Guest: “Well, my daughter is having an allergic reaction, so we’d like some French fries.”

Me: *baffled* “Your daughter is having an allergic reaction… and you want French fries?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “I think you should get her an ambulance.”

Guest: “No, it’s fine. We just need some French fries.”

Me: “I really think you should get her an ambulance. Besides, there is no one at the bar at this hour. How would French fries even help?”

Guest: *somewhat condescendingly* “Well, French fries are made of starch, and starch will help fight the allergy.”

Me: “Well, the deep fryer requires special training to operate. I couldn’t get you fries even if I wanted to. Again, I implore you to call an ambulance.”

Guest: *talking to someone else in the room* “He wants us to call an ambulance.” *click*

(They didn’t call again after that. No ambulance arrived. I hope his daughter was okay. I never heard of starch helping with allergies, and I couldn’t find anything on Google to support this.)

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