Cottonballs Are In The Left Drawer

, | Right | September 9, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] refill center. May I verify the last four digits of your mobile phone number?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(I hear four loud beeps as the customer pressing the buttons on his phone.)

Me: “Sir, can you please TELL me the last four digits of your mobile phone number?”

Customer: Oh, sure…”

(Four loud beeps again.)

Me: “Sir, I need you to say to me the last four digits of your mobile number.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…” *reads numbers*

Me: “Thank you. And may I verify your zip code, please?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(Another five beeps come from the phone.)

Me: *whimpers*

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Doctoring Under The Influence

, , , , , | Right | September 9, 2008

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.)

Drunken Table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!”

Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!”

(They order ten different, complex cocktail orders.)

Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.”

(Five minutes later…)

Lady: *at drunken table* “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!”

Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.”

Lady: *at drunken table* “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!”

Doctor: *at drunken table* “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!”

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The Guinea Pig Goes Hiss

, , | Right | September 6, 2008

(I am showing a guinea pig to a middle-aged customer in a suit and tie who seems interested in buying it for his kids.)

Customer: “So, they eat special food just for guinea pigs?”

Me: “Yeah, there is a food that we sell that is specially customized to their needs, but you can also feed them rabbit food.”

Customer: “A guinea pig is a reptile, right?”

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They Grow Up So Fast

, , | Right | August 30, 2008

Customer: “I’d like two tickets for [Movie], please.”

Coworker: “That movie is rated R. Can I see your ID?”

Customer: *shows an ID that states she is 18*

Coworker: “You need to be 21 in order to purchase an R-rated ticket for someone else.”

Customer: “But it’s for my son!”

Coworker: “How old is your son?”

Customer: “16…”

Coworker: “So you’re 18… and you have a 16-year-old son?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Coworker: “Let me get my manager…”

Manager: “Ma’am, you need to be 21 to purchase a ticket for a minor.”

Customer: “But he’s my son!”

Manager: “You’re telling me you gave birth when you were two years old?”

Customer: “YES! It happens; I promise you!”

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The Epiphany To End All Epiphanies

, | Right | August 29, 2008

(A customer orders an iced drink. They usually come out with flat lids, but we were completely out and were forced to use the dome ones instead.)

Customer: “Why does this have a round lid on it? I want my drink with a flat lid instead.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re completely out of flat lids today.”

Customer: “But I want my round lid!”

Me: “I promise you, it will taste exactly the same.”

Customer: “Ooohhh…”

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