Not Enough Red Alerts

, , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(We have a new intern who isn’t the brightest spark.)

Intern: “Why isn’t this pen red?”

Me: *looking over* “Because it’s black?”

Intern: “But I need it to be red.”

Me: “Well, there’s a red pen in front of you. You can use that.”

Intern: “But what if that pen isn’t red?”

Me: “Trust me, it is.”

Intern: “But how do you know?

(Two coworkers and I then spent close to half an hour trying to explain how a pen that had RED printed on it and was coated in red plastic was an indication that it would write in red ink. I don’t think it sunk in, as when she tried it she seemed genuinely shocked that it was, in fact, a red pen. I should have just said I’d used it previously.)

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How To Get A Real Drive In College

, , , , | Working | November 1, 2017

My driver’s license was never delivered to me, so I have to go to the DMV to get another one sent. The employee ends up charging me for a new license, despite the fact that the original one they sent never reached me. I decided to pay for it, since I need the license and it’s not too much.

I end up writing down two addresses: my home address and the mailing address.

My license was delivered two weeks later….

…with my college’s mailing address listed as my home address.

Now, I have a driver’s license that says I live inside the mail room of a college.

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Has No Idea What’s In Store

, , , | Working | November 1, 2017

(My colleague is calling customers to let them know that their orders arrived. She leaves a message on an answering machine.)

Colleague: “Hello, this is [Colleague]. I am calling to let you know that your book arrived today. Thanks. Bye.”

Me: *staring at her*

Colleague: “What?”

Me: “You probably should have let her know that you are calling from [Store]. Just an idea.”

Colleague: “Oh, my God.” *cracks up laughing*

(The customer did get her book.)

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Always Free To Complain

, , , | Right | October 31, 2017

(If a passenger has paid a base fare, they can purchase a transfer for a $1 to get on the next bus they need. The fare box on my bus jams and won’t accept paper money. This means all passengers ride free; can’t take the fare from one, can’t take it from any of them. As I’m picking up passengers, I tell them the ride is free and to have a seat. One passenger looks confused.)

Passenger: “I need a transfer.”

Me: “I can’t sell the transfer, as my fare box is jammed, so you’re riding for free.”

Passenger: “But I need a transfer for the next bus. How am I going to get on my next bus?”

Me: “You still have your original fare in your hand, and you can use that.”

Passenger: “Ugh! I’m going to call your customer service line and file a complaint.”

Me: “But you’re riding for free this trip. You don’t need a transfer.”

(When she left the bus, she was still grumbling about getting cheated. I would love to have heard that call to customer service.)

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Can Only Count To Two

, , , , | Right | October 31, 2017

(This happens at least once every day, without fail.)

Customer: *walking up to me, confused* “What theater is my movie in?”

Me: “Can I see your ticket?”

(The customer hands me their ticket, which has the theater number printed in large, bold text that takes up more than a third of the ticket.)

Me: “That’d be theater number four. For future reference, it’s right here on the ticket.”

Customer: *annoyed* “Well, how should I know that?!”

Me: “Because it’s right there on the ticket?”

Customer: *sighs* “Whatever.”

(There is a brief, awkward pause.)

Me: “Is there something else I can help you with?”

Customer: “Where is theater number four?”

(I point to the theater, which is clearly marked with large numbers on either side of the doors and a large sign with the name of the movie playing.)

Me: “It’s right there, sir. The one marked ‘Theater #4.'”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?!”

(One of these days, I swear, I’m going to respond with what I’m really thinking: “Because, unlike you, I ACTUALLY USE my basic powers of observation like a responsible adult. Do I need to hold your hand and walk you to your seat as well?”)

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