Works Well In All But Name

, , , , | Working | November 6, 2017

(A customer calls in, asking if we found his credit card a few days ago. Working with the manager, I see that we have it, and ask the customer for the name on the card to make sure it’s his. After confirming his name, I let him know we have it in our safe. Half an hour later, he shows up.)

Me: “Hey there! Welcome to [Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I called in earlier about a missing credit card.”

Me: “I remember that. Mind if I ask your name, just to confirm that it’s you?”

Customer: “It’s [Name], spelled [N-A-M-E]. Here’s my ID as well.”

Me: *checking his ID and seeing that it’s legit* “All right, I’ll go grab that for you real quick.”

(I go to the back, grab the manager to open the safe, get the card, and head back up.)

Me: “All right, here you go.”

Customer: “Thanks. I’d also like to place an order.”

Me: “Sure thing! Will that be for here or to go?”

Customer: “To go.”

Me: *after confirming his identity no less than three times* “Can I have a name for that?”

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My Boyfriend The Arsonist

, , , , | Romantic | November 6, 2017

(I’m on the phone with my boyfriend.)

Me: “Hey.”

Boyfriend: “Hey. How are you?”

Me: “I’m good. How’re you?”

Boyfriend: “I’m— OH, S***! HANG ON A SECOND!”

Me: “What? Okay?”

Boyfriend: *after a moment* “Okay, I’m back.”

Me: “Okay? What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I started a fire.”

Me: “What? Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, I put it out. It’s fine.”

Me: “What happened?”

Boyfriend: “I turned on the wrong burner and that burner had a bunch of napkins on it.”

Me: “You turned on the burner without clearing it first?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah, but it’s okay. I put it out.”

Me: “Are the napkins still on the stove?”

Boyfriend: “Yeah.”

Me: “Move them, right now! In fact, clear the stove top of everything you’re not heating up, right now!”

Boyfriend: “But it’s [Roommate]’s things and—”


Boyfriend: “Okay! I’m on it!” *after a moment* “Okay. It’s done.”

Me: “Good. It’s better to touch [Roommate]’s things without permission than to set [Roommate]’s things on fire.”

Boyfriend: “Good point.”

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Forgot To Reset Gravity, Too

, , | Right | November 6, 2017

(This occurs while walking through some troubleshooting steps with an older, friendly customer that uses a tablet.)

Me: “Let’s try a reset! I would like you to press the sleep/wake button and the home button at the same time, and hold these until you see the [Brand] logo.”

Customer: “Okay!”

(I hear loud metal-on-floor and glass-cracking noises after 15 seconds.)

Me: “How did the reset go, sir?”

Customer: “Well. I’ve let go of the buttons like you told me, but now I’ve broken my [Tablet].”

Me: “…”

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A Three-Course Disaster

, , , , , , | Working | November 6, 2017

My partner and I go out to a local restaurant to celebrate our fifth anniversary. We are seated and our waiter takes our drink order. He looks young, possibly in his late teens. After around ten minutes, the drinks haven’t arrived, so when our waiter walks past, I ask him how the drinks are going. Instead of going to check on them, he takes out his notebook and takes our order again.

I get the impression he is new and very nervous. I don’t want to make him feel bad, so we just re-order the same drinks. Five minutes later, he returns with both orders of drinks. “Oh well,” I think. We were probably going to order more drinks later, anyway, so I don’t say anything.

He takes our food order without any issues and our meals arrive at a reasonable time. Well… my partner’s appetizer and main course both arrive together. That turns out to be a lucky accident, as the young waiter delivers my food to a table nearby. When they tell him that it isn’t what they ordered, he apologizes, takes the plates back to the kitchen, and returns with my meal in take-away containers.

I am a bit peeved, but as it is our anniversary, we both just want to relax and enjoy the night, and the food is actually really good. We decide to risk ordering dessert. My partner orders deep fried ice-cream, only for our young waiter to tell us that it’s not on the menu. I point it out to him on the menu, and point to other tables where we can see people eating it. He apologizes and said he honestly had no idea that it was on the menu.

After finishing our meal, we go to the front counter to pay the bill. It seems our waiter has never used or been trained in using a POS terminal or EFTPOS machine, and has to call other staff for help three times just to enter our items into the register.

My patience is just about expired, but I still feel sorry for the kid, as we’ve been able to hear his boss yelling at him every time he goes into the kitchen. I’ve been the new guy before and totally sympathize with him. I think to try and bolster his confidence and show him some support, so I say, “Don’t worry; it looks like you’re new here, and it seems tough now, but in a few weeks you’ll be a total professional.”

His reply left me feeling so awful. I’ve never forgotten what he said.

“I’m not new; I’ve worked here for six months.”

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Ignorant Of The Driveway

, , , , , | Friendly | November 5, 2017

(I am going to visit my uncle who lives in an assisted living complex. I am about to turn into the driveway, but there is a lady with an umbrella standing in the middle of the driveway. She sees me indicating and turning to go into the driveway but does not move. Thus, to enter the driveway, I have to manoeuvre the car around her, as to avoid her. I do and, unfortunately, my rear left tyre goes into a shallow pothole. As the pothole is not deep enough to cause any damage to the car or tyre, I drive onwards to the gate where I have to wait for the staff to open the gate to let me in. While I’m waiting, I hear a hard knock on my window; it’s the lady I had to drive around. Figuring she may want a lift, I wind down my glass, only to have her scream at me.)


Me: *confused look*


Me: “When did this happen?”

Lady: “When you drove up the driveway.”

Me: “Oh, you mean when the rear of the car went down in the pothole, when I drove around you to get up here?”

Lady: “YES!”

Me: “Well, next time, don’t stand in the middle of a driveway near a water-filled pothole.”


Me: “Well, I’m smart enough to know not to stand in the middle of a driveway where vehicles are passing, and to wait on the pavement for a taxi rather than where you were.”


(By the time she started her rant again, the gate had opened and I wound up my glass and drove into the complex. Seriously, people, look at your surroundings when you are waiting for transportation. Don’t stand in the middle of a driveway or entrance, move away from large puddles of water, and stay on the edge of the pavement furthest from the road. As a pedestrian, you have to think of your safety first!)

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