How About We Get Them To Do An Irish Jig For You

, | Right | April 4, 2009

(A customer is looking at the live fish swimming in the tank at the supermarket where my mom works.)

Customer: “Are these fresh?”

Mom: “They’re alive.”

Customer: “But are they FRESH?”

Mom: “…yes.”

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An Insurance Company’s Nightmare

, , | Right | March 31, 2009

(A customer comes in looking for an item to prop up books and papers, making them easier to read without having to use your hands.)

Me: “You’re looking for a copy holder. We have several different types, and they’re right over here.”

Customer: *looks over selection* “These won’t work. I need one that will attach to my steering wheel in my car.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t carry anything like that. These are just meant to go on your desk next to your computer.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you don’t carry that. Why don’t you sell a book holder for a steering wheel?”

Me: “Maybe because we don’t want you to read while you’re driving?”

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I LAve L.A.

, , , , | Right | March 31, 2009

Customer: *holds up sweatshirt* “Oh, my god, they spelled this wrong!”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “Los Angeles!”

Me: “Um, that’s how you spell it.”

Customer: “Nooooo. It says LOS Angeles, but it’s supposed to be LAS Angeles. It’s pronounced LAS Angeles. Am I right?”

Customer’s Friends: “Yeah, totally!”

Customer: “And, actually, shouldn’t it be LAS AngeLAS? Because that’s how you say it, LAS AngeLAS!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I can’t believe no one has ever noticed this before!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s shocking…”

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The Bigger The Lie, The Higher They Fly

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2009

(The captain of our aircraft has stepped off to get some paperwork while customers are boarding. One passenger looks up front and turns to our flight attendant.)

Passenger: “Why is there only one pilot up there?”

Flight Attendant: “She is the first officer. The captain will be back in a bit.”

Passenger: “Can they fly the plane with only one pilot?”

Flight Attendant: “The other pilot will be back in a moment. He is taking care of some paperwork.”

Passenger: “Why are there two seats if there is only one pilot?”

Flight Attendant: *gives up* “Well, sir… actually, she is just setting up the airplane and telling it where to go. In a few moments, she’ll push the start button and leave. The plane will fly us all the way there with no pilot at all.”

Passenger: “Oh! That’s neat!” sits down, apparently satisfied*

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Invisible Incentive

, , | Right | March 27, 2009

(There were a series of compilation albums on release called “Air Guitar Hero” which had a very tongue-in-cheek advertisement. I have just sold a copy to a customer who returns to the store 10 minutes later.)

Me: “Are you okay there?”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t get my free air guitar with this CD.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not sure what you mean.”

Customer: “This CD, it’s supposed to come with a free air guitar.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “On the advertisement, the one on TV. It says comes with free air guitar!”

Me: “Um, that’s a joke they made on the advertisement.”

Customer: “But it says on the advertisement I get a free air guitar with this album!”

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