Last Flight To Mordor Now Departing From Gate Bree

, , , , , | Friendly | December 18, 2017

(The other day I was driving in my car, listening to an interview on the radio. The interviewer was talking to a singer who was coming to perform in New Zealand. I can’t remember who she was, but I will never forget the interview:)

Singer: “Now, who am I talking to here? Is this Australia or New Zealand?”

Radio Host: “You’re talking to New Zealand, and we’re looking forward to you coming out here!”

Singer: “New Zealand! Oh, my. I can’t wait to visit. I have never been before, and I won’t have much time, but I’m determined to see an orc.”

Radio Host: “A… I’m sorry, an orc?”

Singer: “Obviously it would have to be in captivity. I wouldn’t want to run across one in the wild!”

Radio Host: *playing along* “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but orcs are extinct.”

Singer: “Awww, really? That’s so disappointing! You don’t have any, not even in captivity?”

Radio Host: “No, we wiped them out. They weren’t very nice. Sorry.”

Singer: “Well, that’s a shame. Can you still visit parts of Middle Earth?”

Radio Host: “That you can do. Make sure you include Hobbiton on your tour!”

(After that, the host changed the subject to the singer’s latest album. But she was so sincere about the orcs, and sounded so truly disappointed to find out she would not be able to see one, that I’m not sure to this day whether she was kidding or not!)

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In For A Penny, In For A Pound

, , , | Right | December 18, 2017

(I work in a shop where everything is 99p or less, and while I often get customers asking me how much something is, this guy takes it to a whole new level. I am by our fridges, putting out the delivery, when a customer walks up and picks something out of the fridge.)

Customer: “Hey, is this really 99p?”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is.”

(The customer picks up another item.)

Customer: “And this as well?”

Me: “Yes, sir, that, too.”

(This continues for a few more items until the customer just leaves, not buying anything. My coworker who has been at the tills the whole time, listening, walks over:)

Coworker: “I can’t believe you just kept answering him.”

Me: “Neither can I.”

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The Training Has Hit A Block

, , , , , | Working | December 17, 2017

(The guy before me at the checkout has all his items on the belt, as well as the between customer’s separator block. The very young check-out girl picks up the separator block and waves it at the scanner. Obviously, nothing happens.)

Cashier: *looking puzzled* “I don’t have a price for this. I’ll have to call a supervisor.”

(The customer looks at me with a ‘what the h***?’ expression before turning to the cashier.)

Customer: “Don’t bother. I didn’t really want it anyway.”

Cashier: “Okay, have a good day!”

(Somehow, I felt her training hadn’t been quite adequate for a check-out cashier’s position!)

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Taking Those Comments A Bridge Too Far

, , , , | Right | December 17, 2017

(The Natural Bridge is an impressive stone arch in the mountains of Virginia that has been listed on the great wonders of the world. I am working in a nearby hotel and we have gotten the following complaints in our guestbook.)

Note #1: “We really enjoyed the walking tour, the history, and the light show, but were very disappointed that the waterfall was turned off.”

Note #2: “We were very impressed that everyone spoke English and we did not have to exchange our money for the local currency.”

Note #3: “Please install more rides; we were very bored.”

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There Is Norway You’re British

, , , , , | Right | December 16, 2017

(I am from the UK, and work in a theme park which has a number of different countries represented around a lagoon. My name badge says my hometown and “England,” I have a heavy British accent, and there is British theming all around.)

Guest: “So, where in Norway are you from?”

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