They Were Gunning For An “A”

, , , , , , | Learning | November 10, 2017

(The UK has very strict gun laws. One day, there are police everywhere and helicopters in the sky. Social media informs me that two people were spotted with guns. The next Monday when I’m in my films and media class…)

Teacher: “Before we start, I just want to thank you guys for being so eager to do your coursework. Next time, though, please alert both the college and the police if you’re going to be filming with realistic replica firearms.”

(He looked pointedly at two of my classmates. I think we know who caused the stir.)

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It’s Not Going Swimmingly

, , , , , , | Romantic | November 10, 2017

(My husband and I have just started to try to conceive, instead of just leaving it to luck or chance. After an intimate night, he asks me to position myself so that gravity isn’t working against us. I ask that he at least hand me my phone so that I have some entertainment until I get up.)

Me: “Please, it’s just right there by you. I would have to get up to get it myself.”

Husband: “No. No distractions. I need you to completely focus on telling those swimmers to get you pregnant.”

Me: *sigh* “That’s not how it works.”

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Dad Will Never Change

, , , , , , , , | Related | November 10, 2017

I went out to dinner with my mom and dad after we all had a bad day. I can’t remember the details, but my mom was reasonably angry with my dad, and he was tuning her out.

We got seated and ordered our food at a Chinese place that serves one big pot of soup for the table before the dishes come. As they brought it out, the woman spilled the dark and oily soup on my mom, who was wearing white.

My dad waved the waitress away mid-apology while my mom went to clean herself up, but she had no luck with the stains. She said she’d deal with it until we got home; however, all the food came out extremely slowly. Even when all the food came, my dad ate excruciatingly slowly because he likes to “savor” his food. My mom was about to explode, so she put some money down for the dinner and left before another argument ensued.

One thing about my family: my mom is in charge of all our finances because my dad cannot be trusted. And that was never more evident than when we paid the bill. I left first to find my mom, and my dad paid with the money she gave him, and left all of the change.

Our dinner was maybe 40 to 50 dollars. My mom gave him a hundred.

When we found this out, we asked him why in the world he thought that was okay. His response was that it’s my mom’s fault for not saying what to do, and she had “wasted her breath” while arguing with him, while she should have been explaining how to pay the bill.

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Gunning For A New Way To Say That

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2017

(I’m pushing a metal cart around when suddenly I hear a customer start yelling.)

Customer: “GUN! GUN!”

(I quickly stop and look around, along with many other customers whose looks range from confused to panicked. Then, a customer walks up to me with my scanner in his hand.)

Customer: “Your scan gun fell off; I yelled so you could hear me over the noise of your cart.”

Me: *after a moment of regaining my composure* “Uh, thanks, but do you think next time you could do something other than yell, ‘Gun!’ in a crowded store?”

Customer: “Oh… Oh, dear. That wasn’t the smartest thing, huh?”

Me: “I’d certainly say not, no.”

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In His Eyes It’s Not So Cut And Dry

, , , , , , | Right | November 9, 2017

(As my three other coworkers are drying cars off outside, an older man and a boy around five years old walk up to our blow dryers inside and look in. After finishing up the car we are drying, I approach them to see if they need anything.)

Older Man: “See? That’s what the dryers look like.”

Young Boy: “Th-that… is so… coo-cool!”

(They both see me coming over.)

Older Man: “Hello there, young lady! My grandson would like to know what the dryers feel like. Can he go in there for a moment?”

(I glance at the child, who is bouncing up and down at the moment, and it is obvious to me now that he has some sort of disorder.)

Me: “I wouldn’t recommend it; those dryers are extremely powerful and loud. Especially with cars coming through, it’s very dangerous to be in there right now. You can stand out here and observe, but don’t go in, please.”

(At this point, another car has arrived at the outside drying station, so I run back to help. As the car pulls away, the blow dryers turn on for the next car. All of a sudden, a loud scream is heard. We all glance over to see the boy standing in the middle of the dryers, clutching his hands to his ears and screaming. He isn’t moving out of the way of an approaching truck. I sprint over, pick him up, and get him outside. The grandpa appears from around the corner.)

Older Man: “DON’T TOUCH MY GRANDCHILD! What do you think you’re doing?!”

(I immediately put the boy out of harm’s way and back off, just as the giant truck comes out.)

Me: “He was standing in the middle of the dryers! Why didn’t you stop him?”

Older Man: “I let him go in there while I grabbed my phone out of my car!”

Me: “You let him? Even though I just got done telling you how dangerous that is?!”

Older Man: “It’s not dangerous; it’s just a large hair dryer, duh. I should be asking you what gave you the right to pick him up!”

Me: “Sir, those dryers are meant for cars, not people. It’s more similar to an airplane engine than a hair dryer. Besides, your grandson was about to be run over and sucked into the conveyor belt below. And he was screaming and crying from the noise, as well.”

Older Man: “No, you were assaulting him! I will sue you for this!”

Me: “…”

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