Wish You Could Swipe Left With Customers

, , , , , | Right | December 12, 2017

(I work as a cashier. Our system allows for a transaction to run on multiple forms of payment, but the cashier has to hand-key the amounts and methods. If I don’t key it and the customer swipes their card, the system automatically assumes the whole transaction is running through that card.)

Customer: “Can I pay for [item] on one debit card, and the rest on another?”

Me: “Sure thing; I just have to key it in. Wait to swipe your card until I tell you.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(I begin to type, but I’m only two keys in when she swipes.)

Me: “Oops, can you hit cancel? I need to type in the amount before you swipe.”

Customer: “Sure.”

Me: “All right, don’t swipe until I tell you.”

Customer: “Got it.”

(I begin typing again, and she swipes before I’m done again. I cancel the payment from my keyboard.)

Me: “Ma’am, please. If I don’t type everything in before you swipe, the whole payment goes on that one card.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(I type as fast as I can, but not fast enough, apparently.)

Me: “Ma’am, please hand me your card. I’ll just swipe it over here.”

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Outage Of The Brain

, , , , | Working | December 12, 2017

(I’m calling my ISP’s customer service line to report that my Internet had gone down the night before. Everything goes normally up until right about the end of the call.)

Customer Service Agent: “All right, looking here it looks like there was an outage in your area last night right around midnight and that it came back online a little after two.”

Me: “Great, so we should be good to go, then?”

Customer Service Agent: “Yep. Now remember, in the future you can also sign into our website at [ISP].com where you can receive updates about outages in your area.”

Me: *thinking* “Oh, yes, I’ll just hop online to check why my Internet isn’t working.” *speaking* “All right, thanks. Have a good one.”

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Customers Are A Danger To Everyone

, , , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work as a farmhand, and part of my job description entails operating farm tractors and ATVs. Due to safety regulations, as well as liability and insurance policies, customers are not permitted to ride on the tractors or ATVs. On this particular day, I’m helping customers by taking baskets of tomatoes they’ve left in the field to the storefront, where they can check out. To do this, I need a tractor.)

Me: *driving tractor* “Can I help you guys with anything?”

Customer: “Yeah. Can you pick up our tomatoes, please?”

Me: “Sure, I’ll go and get them.”

(I drive off, and the customer starts yelling. I stop the tractor.)

Customer: “Can I get a ride?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; it’s against our safety rules.”

Customer: “Come on, just a little one? I’ll tip you extra if you do.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I can’t. You might get hurt.”

Customer: “But it’s so slow.”

(I walk around to the fender of the tractor, and I point to a sticker that says “DANGER: Riders can fall off and be killed or seriously injured.”)

Me: “Sir, can you please read that for me?”

Customer: “’Danger: riders can fall off and be killed or seriously injured.’”

Me: “That’s why I can’t give you a ride.”

Customer: “I’ll hold on!”

Me: “What if you lose your grip?”

Customer: “Where’s your boss?!”

Me: “He’s inside the store.”

(The customer storms off to the store while I help other customers. A short time later, the customer and my boss walk out to where I am.)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name]. Can you come over here, please?”

Me: “Sure.” *I walk over to him and the customer*

Boss: “This customer tells me you won’t help him.”

Me: “I told him that I won’t give him a ride on the tractor, but I’ll be more than happy to pick up his tomatoes.”

Boss: “Okay, I just wanted to clear that up.” *turns to customer* “Sorry, but we can’t give customers rides. It’s not safe.”

Customer: “But it’s so far!”

Boss: “Again, [My Name] will be more than happy to help you.”

Customer: “What kind of a place is this?! You people are stupid!”

Boss: “Where do you work?”

Customer: “I work at [Construction Company].”

Boss: “Would you let your kids play with a backhoe?”

Customer: “No, that’s dangerous!”

Boss: “Yeah, go figure.”

Customer: “But this is different!”

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Making Boobs Of Themselves At The Entrance

, , , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I am with about ten other security guards, checking ID cards and tickets at the main entrance gate for an under-18s festival. This is my first day on the job, but for the most part, things run smoothly once we get into the swing of things. A group of four young women in their teens get to the front of my queue and hand me their tickets.)

Teen #1: “Here’s our tickets.”

Me: “I’ll also need to see your IDs.”

([Teen #1] removes her ID and presents it to me. After briefly comparing her ticket and ID I pass her through, where she waits for her friends. [Teen #2] then hands me her ID, but the photo has been completely scratched off.)

Me: “The photo on this card has been scratched off.”

Teen #2: “Yeah, it was a bad photo, so I got rid of it.”

Me: “You do realize I need photo ID to let you in? Do you have any other ID?”

([Teen #2] looks confused at the concept that a photo ID needs a photo, but then proceeds to try and give me her credit card, along with various other non-identifying cards, looking more and more dejected as she goes.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t accept any of these. I need a valid photo ID before I can let you in.”

Teen #2: *hopefully* “If I show you my boobs, will you let me in?”

Me: “Unfortunately, that’s not a form of photo ID, but I will call over my supervisor and see if he can sort this out.”

(I raised my arm to call over my current supervisor, who quickly arrived and asked me what the problem was. He was just as confused as I was at the lack of a discernible picture, but he took the group aside and talked to them. They ended up having to wait for about an hour outside the gate before someone came and gave them valid ID. Unfortunately, I lost count of the amount of times I had to deal with this exact same situation throughout the day.)

 

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Ahhthentically Dense

, , , , | Right | December 11, 2017

(I work at a pizza place. I take a call. I’m not sure if the caller is drunk or high, but there is no getting through to him!)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] on [Street]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?

Caller: “Yes, I have a coupon for the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir.” *verifying this is a delivery and getting the address* “What would you like on that?”

Caller: “That’s what I want. The ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, sir, and what toppings would you like on that pizza?”

Caller: “That’s what I want, the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a pizza; that’s our slogan.”

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “What would you like on your pizza?”

Caller: “I want the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Yes, but that’s not a pizza; that’s our slogan. What would you like on your pizza?”

Caller: “Yes, I want the ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza.”

Me: “Sir, what does the coupon say?”

Caller: “It says a large three-topping ‘ahhthentic’ Italian pizza for [amount].”

Me: “All right, sir, and what three toppings would you like?”

Caller: “I want [three toppings], and I want a cheesy bread and a two-liter drink.”

Me: “All right, sir, your total is [total].”

Caller: “Why is it so much? The coupon is for [price on coupon]!”

Me: “Yes, sir; the coupon is only good for the pizza. The cheesy bread is [amount], the two-liter drink is [amount], and the delivery fee is [amount].”

Caller: “Oh, okay.”

(Some people shouldn’t be allowed access to phones, or be left alone without intelligent adult supervision.)

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